iam - i have not entrapped anyone or attempted to. pI's pretext all the time even to locate where someone may be. The PI was trying to see how available she really was and shi bit. It just shows that she is out there and looking. I do not know that she is in an pa pretty sure it is an ea and I do not have the proof that I need to expose. I have already tried to expsoe to OMW and she was not buying it. This time I won't enough evidence so she will buy it.

So you're kosher with your wife effing other man so you have proof of an affair?

No I am not happy with it. I don't even know if it has gone physical, but without any kind of hard evidence OMW is not going to believe me. I guess that she is so submissive to OM that when I told her what I did tell her it was not enough for her to believe what was going on. I want to send her the video and say "now do you believe your H"?, but I need more. When I do this exposure thing I want to be able to blow it out of the water.

I have read so many post here about get evidence, hire PI's, get keyloggers, voice recorders, and I am doing all of those things so I can expose the right way.

Reading 20 pages of posts all I see is people telling you to expose. To HR, all family and friends.

***EDIT***

I have exposed to OMW the most important person to expose to in my opinion, but she cose to believe her H. So when I expose this time it will be with concrete evidence.

What makes you think she will even look at your 'concrete' evidence?

She sounds like someone who will put her fingers in her ears and yell, LALALALALALALA!

When that happens you will have offered your wife to OM on a platter for nothing.

Frankly, I don't think a husband that would LET his wife have sex with another man is any kind of husband at all. You should be doing everything in your power to stop that from happening.

Are you so afraid of looking crazy that you would hand your wife to OM?

I can not stop her. She is going to do what she is going to do. I am not letting her do anything. she is doing this on her own. No one can stop anyone from having an A. I don't know if it has gotten physical. I am doing everything that I know to do right now to stop it from happening, but I am running out of options. I guess also that I am doing some of this for my own benefit. Because after the first OM my W told me for almost 6 months that she would never do this again, she made a terrible mistake, and she regretted it. All lies, and I want to throw that in her face when I catch her.

Look hogfan. Throwing it in her face will NOT make any of your pain go away.

If you're gonna D, just get a fathers rights attorney and go for her throat.

If you want to save the M, expose to everyone. Re-expose the first A. There is a history, you won't seem crazy.

If you let this POS do your wife, without having done your best to stop it, you will regret it. This is the mother of your children. Do you have to film the trainwreck?

hogfan, here's the thing.

So VERY many men come here with a WS and are afraid to make her mad by exposing. SO MANY! I don't know what it is about men not wanting to piss off their wives.

You HAVE to! You have to expose. It doesn't matter what OMW thinks. What matters is what your wife's family and friends think. THEY are the ones who can make a difference and, honestly, they won't WANT to see any evidence.

JUST DO IT!

I have exposed to OMW. I am sure that my W sister knows because they talk a lot, and my W has told me that her dad (who is a pastor) and her mom know that she is texting this guy and that her and OM are just "friends". I noticed last night that my W has purchased or somone has purchased for her a ticket to this concert on Dec.7. She has not mentioned this to me yet. So I am sure that there are some big plans in the works and some alternative motive. Why would she not mention this to me or ask me if I wanted to go?

Then you tell her THAT, not that you're "tired". The latter IS conflict avoidance.

I'm trying to figure out if you're still interested in recovering your M.

If you ARE interested in recovering your M, you need to change your approach a little, e.g. if she won't go hunting with you, then you don't go hunting by yourself, until such time that YOU are comfortable with how she is spending her time when you're out hunting.

At the moment your WW is not receptive to relationship talk, so it's best avoided. So DO the things that will encourage a better relationship, rather than talk about them.

HF,

Here's the thing...

When your WW tells people about her affair she tells them things like this:

Oh, there this guy that is has been just so helpful in getting me through all this stuff HF is putting me through. It's so nice to have friends you can count on at times like this. I mean HF gas been just so...unstable and acting all crazy and just not seeing that the problem is between him and me and has nothing to do with OM or anybody else for that matter...

And her friends and family say to her, "You poor thing. Dealing with an unreasonable husband and all, thank God you have such good friends as OM..."

That right there HF is why YOU have to expose the truth to them before she can spin all this crap and make you into a raving jealous lunatic. They's buy her lies over your truth any day. Because she has already set you up to be crazy, jealous and out of control. Any anger from you proves she is being abused and you will never convince anyone that OM is a problem.

Now if you go to her father the pastor and tell him, "Your sl*t daughter is boinking OM...He's not going to believe anything you say after that. I don't know what your relationship is with her parents but you have to get them to at least believe you are telling the truth some way. If they are supporting her against you you have a lot harder row to hoe...

OMW won't buy your story because OM has already told her that he is "helping this woman whose husband is nutz..."

FIL and MIL won't help your cause because WW has told them "HF is just acting crazy. I don't even know who he is any more. I've tried so hard to make this work but he just isn't helping and there is only so much I can do..."


LESSON for ALL BSs:

When you read here that you should expose the affair, it means that you should tell folks NOW so that they hear the truth from you instead of the concocted bovine excrement of the WS and AP.
If you think you don't have enough proof, then snoop, but don't put off exposure to wait for it. Begin with the "softest targets" first. At least tell them that you are afraid the WS is having an affair because of certain signs and or behaviors. Set the stage for the truth. If they demand more proof, try to accommodate them later, but do NOT delay getting help to end the affair just because you can't prove they are having sex.

The time to stop an affair is BEFORE it becomes physical with all the ramifications such as STDs, pregnancy, etc.

There is not relationship talk going on. There is not even very much general conversation between us. She is to busy going in and out of the bathroom texting I am sure. Over the next several weekends she will be going Christmas shopping. My daughters get tired of going so I will keep them on a couple of weekends. what do you think about her going to this concert and not asking me or telling me about it? I have also noticed some credit card purchases that I am looking into. I beleive that there is a lot more going on in my sitch now. I have to keep investigating my sitch for the moment. When she goes to this concert the PI will be there as well.

Let one go with her, and the other stay with you. Alternate this arrangement for each of her shopping excursions.



Do you know where she's keeping the ticket? I'm sure you can think of several ways for it to creatively disappear just before the concert date.



Ask her about them. If she can't explain them or claims to not know what they were, cancel the card.

I have not been angry towards her with OM2. After I found out about OM1 I admit I was angry, and I told my wife that she had to tell her parents. She did this in front of me. And she told our pastor in front of me. Of course after OM1 there were a lot of arguments. Now if we ever talk about OM1 she denies telling her parents, and pastor. She denies telling me that she made a terrible mistake and would never do it again. I guess with the finding of OM2 I am to hurt to be angry because I was trying to believe what all she was telling me after OM1 and I was trying to trust her again. she told me that she knew trust was the hardest thing to re-build, and look at what is going on now.

Like I said I believe there is some alternative motive and something else going on in my sitch. Just from her actions and questions she asked me last night. On other thing that I do not understand is when ever she gets in a tight or needs a decision to be made she asks me or calls me to make the decision. Some days I want so bad to look at her and tell her to ask OM, but I keep my mouth shut and continue to be supportive and help make the decision.

Oh, I believe you are right. I'm focusing on what you're actually doing or planning to do, given your situation.

For example, you can step back and let her "hang herself" by providing enough evidence for the PI to confirm the A.

Or you can choose to be more active and interfere in the A as much as possible, while still trying to get that evidence (apparently her experience after her first A is driving her to not admit to this new A unless it's impossible to do otherwise).

It really depends on what end result you want to see. If you want to recover your M, I suggest taking the more active approach.

have you considered blocking her ability to use a cell phone in your home???

http://www.phonejammer.com/home.php?cat=249