I have a question maybe some of you may be able to help me answer. I have been divorced approx 4 months now. My children ages 12, 7, and 4 all live with me. We were given joint custody in which it states in decree that he is to have the kids every other weekend, and wednesday nights for dinner. Well, the first two months, re: his work schedule, he had sat, sun, and mon off, so he followed through with this plan of taking them fri evening until sun evening, but never for the one time a week for dinner, cuz he said gas was too expensive to drive out here just to see the kids for a couple of hours. Basically for two months, he only saw the kids 8 days. He never calls on the phone.At the end of Oct this all stopped. His work schedule change and now he had tues, wed, and thurs off. He told me he did not know what he would do with this shift change for the next 4 months. He said they could not spend the night cuz it was during the school week. In the past, I was always the one to figure out a plan for stuff, but now I thought this was his responsibility. After 22 days of him having no contact with them, not even a phone call, I became irritated, especially when my daughter kept asking when she was going to see him again. (he lives 20 miles away). So, I text him and told him that it would be healthiest if he would see his children on a consisten basis. I then received a text that said "Just so you know, I have a girl staying with me right now. I will be bringing her to the airport tomorrow so if you want, I can stop and see the kids for a while before I have to go to work."
Well, this irriated me cuz first of all he is complaining of gas, yet I live 5 miles from the airport! and he has time/money to spend on entertaining women he meets via single sites on the internet, yet he does not find time to see his own kids? ( two different women have flown out to stay with him since the divorce)??? I did not speak with him until the next day. I told him he should atleast come out two evenings a week to see the kids and have dinner with them. He then told me that he could probably work that, except he thinks that could get expensive if he has to take them out to dinner two times a week! ?????? So, I am still trying to figure out what to do. part of me thinks to just forget it, it will be his loss. But the other part of me wants to hold him responsible to what he is supposed to do for the kids sake, plus I too feel like I need to have some time alone. I am feeling very overwhelmed right now.

When WH complains about money, ask him which is more important diner with his lady friends or time with his kids.

Tell him that a man needs to keep his commitment to be a dad. No one held a gun to his head to have kids.

I looked for some studies for you, that you can read and take out the important facts to give him about being in his kids' lives. Or you can just print them out and hand them to him, if he's the type to read them.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm

http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/Parenting/influence.shtml

http://www.umm.edu/news/releases/fathers.htm

waterfun,,,,all i can do is relate a personal story of how i handled visitation when i lived 60 miles from my oldest son. this was back in the late 70's, early 80's.

i had every other weekend. mid week visits were not even considered at that time. i made the 1 1/2 hour drive (LA traffic) each way every other friday night to see my son for the weekend. and made the 1 hour drive each way to take him home on sunday night.

i also was coaching him in little league and jr football. which meant i would make the drive 2 - 3 nights a week. now i have to admit that when i made the coaching drive up i would go straight after work and then drive home after practices.

so your ex needs to figure out how much his kids mean to him.

he needs to understand that to kids at that age his choosing the cost of gas over them will have a loooong lasting effect on how they percieve themselves in his eyes

you have to let him know whether you want him being an in and out dad or not.

Thank you catperson for the research information. They have great information. I think I just may give him highlited copies of several of the articles

Thanks pops and on the road for your personal information. That helps me realize what he should be doing. Everythings been a bit of a blur with this situation. I too felt he should take more responsibility, and now I know there are dedicated fathers out there.