Well I had thought I was ready to throw in the towel with this marriage tuesday night. But as in the past, something happened that made me think "maybe there's a chance" again.
Some interesting things came up tuesday night.
First, W told me that her mother doesn't beleive she even has bipolar, and that she likely has not done any research on it. Her mother does know about the gambling, but does not know how bad it really is.
After alot of talking, we did come to an agreement (mutually) that if we are not going to tell our "network" of support (for her-her mother etc..) the real truth of the situation, then we can't expect helpful advice from them. We both agreed about this. I said that if her mother thinks I have convinced you that you have a mentall ilness in order to validate our problems, she is not going to be able to help. This I know to be true as my W made a comment to her before our talk that she felt like just telling me to leave to so I would see that being seperated isnt going to be better?!?!
Her mother more or less told her she shouldnt go down that road, and that if I do ever leave, she should make sure its my choice. They both obvioulsy are under the impression that a separation of this marriage will mean that I sit back while she takes our children and does whatever.
Anyways, W in the past has never wanted counselling, and the few times she did go it was clearly forced and she was unwilling to work with the counsellor.
Tuesday night SHE brought up counselling. And we have agreed (mutually and enthusiastically) to seek individual counselling as well as proffesional marriage counselling.
I found a counsellor that has over 25 yrs experience, and has had lost of experience with spouses with bipolar, anxiety disorders etc...
Our first apt is Dec 9th.
W & I also agreed that we are simply uncapable of getting through arguments. We agreed that we have many hurdles infront of us, and most of them will be there our entire life with these disorders. We also agreed that we need to focus on our common goal which is to be happy, and to be happy together.
I even sat beside her while she was talking to her mother on the phone the next day, and heard her tell her mom that we have a common goal and we are going to counselling. She even asked her mother (with me sitting there) "mom, have you even done any research into bipolar?" her mom said not really. ouch
so, even though i sit her today, very stressed, somewhat discouraged, and still a little feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that 1 yr from now she could say "i just did the counselling thing to make you happy" etc...
either way, i talked to teh counsellor on the phone, and the impression i am getting from her is that she is NOT the type that is going to sit there and listen to my wife's BS without dealing with it.
So if I say "she is in contact with OM who has caused much problems in the past and it hurts me, and the fact that she lies and defends it hurts me even more etc.."
If W sits back and says that she doesnt think theres anythign wrong with talking to him, I can imagine this counsellor dealing with that. If W sticks to her guns on things like that, well then that will most definately shut the light at the nd of the tunnel off for good.
