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Just wondering if anyone here has expertise in how to care for someone who is dying.
My best friend is very ill, and I mean terminally ill. She has end stage COPD. I visited her awhile ago and she can hardly breathe.
Talked to her for about an hour, but she doesn't answer.
Shoud I continue to talk to her? Give her a massage? Read the Bible?
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B,
I'm so sorry. I think you are just supposed to be there, hold their hand, and tell them it's OK to go. At least that's what we were advised to do when my dad was in hospice. Too much talking, crying etc only agitates them and makes them feel guilty. They need peace and assurance that it's OK to go when they are ready....
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Sing gospel songs, read the Bible, talk to her and tell her how much you love her, and that it's okay to go, everyone is waiting for her. And pray for her. God bless you believer, for being there for your friend. Yes, they can hear you even when they don't respond. My mother did not respond, but I did all of those things, and told her my brother and father were waiting for her. (they had passed before her). She died peacefully in my arms, it was awesome.  believer Love in Christ, Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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Sing gospel songs, read the Bible, talk to her and tell her how much you love her, and that it's okay to go, everyone is waiting for her. And pray for her.
God bless you believer, for being there for your friend.
Yes, they can hear you even when they don't respond. I second that..... Believer what an amazingly giving person you are. :happythanksgiving:
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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what did you enjoy together as friends? Tell her your favorite memories. Tell her what you believe about what is waiting for her. Tell her you love her. Ask her if she feels the presence of God. (I have had some pretty amazing conversations with people near death!)
And sit and allow God's presence to fill the room.
Chrysalis
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(((((B))))) I don't have much to add, but it seems like you are doing all the right things. You are such an amazing friend. A real testimony to those all around you. I am sorry for what you are going through and you and your friend are in my prayers. You are a true friend till the end...... not2fun
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This is so stressful - cooking Thanksgiving dinner in my home, and sitting with my friend in her home. Her daughter, brother, and their spouses are there now.
I did talk about old times and what a wonderful friend she has been. She is more conscious today.
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B,
This morning I took the time to remember what it is I am thankful in my life. I am thankful for my H, my children, my family, the blessed friends on here, and my friends in my life now. I am thankful for where my H and I are today. The journey we have been on........
Take some time to remember what you are thankful for and REMEMBER.....The ones around you right now are THANKFUL for YOU....I know I am......
It was your words that helped me in my darkest hours....."He is very attached to you"......I will NEVER EVER forget the joy you brought me.....and something tells me, neither will you friend....
Hang in there love, one day you will look back at this stressful day and be thankful for the last moments you had to share with her and her family.....
sending you love.....not2fun
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B
when Aussies Dad was dying I was advised by the Hospice nurses to talk to him as if he was discussing whatever with me... old family stories ... happy times ... prayers ... how much we loved him ... I am positive I saw him smile a few times so I pray he was remembering the happy times.
He died very peacefully.
So talk... read the Bible ... I will pray for her and you both
hugs [[[[[B]]]]]
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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Thanks everyone. I am very Thankful for my family, friends and everyone here.
And Thank God for nurses. The hospice nurse just came and is going to stay. And on Thanksgiving Day! Bless all of the nurses.
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Believer,
My mother is in the late stages of Alzeheimers, doesn't know me and rarely responds to anything. For her, the gift of touch is the best thing. She loves for me to stroke her forehead- smoothing her hair back, take beautiful smelling lotion and massage it onto her legs and feet, hold her hands and put my arms around her and just hold her for hours.
No matter what else you're doing, touch her in some way.
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B, when my friend was dying of COPD (she was in ICU on a respirator) I read the Bible to her, prayed with her, brushed her hair, put lotion on her hands and just talked. Your presence is the best gift you can give.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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{{{{{ believer }}}}}
I am sure she is thankful to have you spend time with her, talking to her, reading to her. Just being there. I know that's what I'd want. You are being a great friend.
me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Thanks everyone. She died yesterday at 3:30PM. I was rubbing her feet with lotion and her whole family was there. She just went to sleep and after about an hour stopped breathing.
It wasn't as awful as I'd anticipated.
Then we all prayed together, got some candles and accompanied her body out, singing Amazing Grace. My friend would have LOVED that.
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God bless your faithfulness to friend B.  You had the courage to not only celebrate her life, but insured she would not be alone when she died. Truer friends do not come often and easy. Well Done, well done indeed. {{{{{{{B}}}}}}} All blessings, Jerry
Last edited by shinethrough; 11/28/08 07:46 PM.
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(((B))) So sorry about the loss of your dear friend. I think you did an awesome job caring for her as she slipped away.
TT
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B, you were truly a wonderful friend for her. As a Christian, you know we are judged by our "Works" here on earth. You just earned so many jewels for your crown!! A friend like you is such a treasure! She was blessed inl ife and will be in Heaven. God Bless you, Believer, for her and for so many of us here that your sage words of wisdom have helped. GF
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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B, you truly are a blessed woman. And your friend was blessed to have you in her life.
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Believer, I am sorry for your loss, and glad you were able to be there with her.
Chrysalis
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I stayed away from this thread because I knew it would trigger me -
Believer - I'm sorry for your loss.
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