You know, THESE are the good old days. You and you children make them that. Just remember that.

Don't fret about things beyond your control.....just make the most of things as they are.

Hi Queenie,


It's what's called around here...learning to accept and live the 'new' normal. Things are not the same as before, nor will they ever be ... and realizing that it doesn't necessarily mean 'bad'....just 'different'.

Work at creating more of those moments...eventually it will 'tip' the balance away from the 'painful' ones. At least, that's how I do it.

...and you got one thing more going for you...your SKINS!

Queenie,

Hearing you say that puts me in a better frame of mind too. I'm so happy that you have made it this far. Oh, for sure, there is a long way yet to go but you have come so far.

It makes me smile...

I think this is the best thing I've read on your thread,,,ever!

This is an honest, true, Goddess Style Success story! Yes, you have had a great deal of help & support from some of the most awesome people ever to grace our world. But do not ever forget that it comes down to YOU having done the things necessary to bring yourself to this place. You've worked hard, kept the faith, trusted Him, and are so much more now than you ever imagined.

Outstanding!!

I have to chuckle, the OLD me would say oh you are too kind, I don't deserve it, but you are RIGHT. I walked in FAITH, I trust HIM and listened to all of YOU. I didn't think getting to this place was possible. And I know it's not over yet.

My heart still loves the schmuck, but I also don't live every waking moment wanting to hear about him or when I do get news like someone driving by their trailer and saying that it looks sad there or not happy, I don't react. I don't do that self-pity, trying to fix it crap. I just leave it with G-d and continue my prayers to listen to him for my journey.

There comes a point when your sense of humor has to take over or commone sense, please... dinner with a selfish man who abandoned his family along with crack ho. Or dinner with my children, laughing, loving and living.

So my DD says to me today in many emails her restrictions for me tomorrow. We are going to her BF's father's house. I am going to a place where I know no one, there is no turkey, which is one of the two items ONLY that OS likes, I'm not allowed to talk about their dad, I'm sitting at a table that is going to say Christian grace, and I'm supposed to be on my best behavior. Is this what you are asking DD? Oh yes, have a problem. No, not at all. I can't wait to spend the day with you and keep creating memories.

G-d is good and I'm so thankful I was humbled enough to fall back into his grace and be his servant so I can remember what's most important in life.. Family and living life.

Happy Thanksgiving all of you.....

Queenie,

You will make your DD proud with your grace and dignity. You will have loving children and gracious friends who have invited you into their home. Christian, Jew, whatever...., no turkey? who needs it anyway. This is a day to enjoy good food, good company, your family and friends. I can tell you that it will beat being with a crack ho. You are the lucky one my dear friend.

I think I remember serving lasagna one year for Thanksgiving. I can be thankful any day and with almost any food on the table. As for the prayer, could you offer to say a Hebrew one, also? I know that, at my house, I would allow you to do so. In fact, I have often offered everyone at the table to say a blessing as they wished.

Happy Evening everyone. I hope you all are enjoying your day. I had a wonderful day with my three children. As I read what you all wrote, it occured to me that I might have offended many of you by my remark. First, I apologize if I did. I never meant to hurt or offend anyone.

Second, as my healing strengthens, so does my sense of humor. I was being cute or funny when I was writing to recap to my child what her specifications were. I didn't mean to imply that I was anything less than grateful that she would think of me to want us around.

There was a lot of drinking and that was somewhat hard for me, but this was important to my children and that's what it was about. Getting out of myself, not feeling sorry for myself, but loving my kids enough to want to make this day special for them. I believe they had a good time.

We were probably 45 miles from home and actually there was someone there who I know from one of my AA meetings. It was pretty funny. We were invited back for Christmas Eve. I'll leave it up to the boys as to what they want to do.

At first they said no, but then OS, says we have never celebrated a Christmas Eve, so I think we are going to.

What I am most thankful for is that G-d didn't give up on me. He needed me to grow up and change my ways and understand that I was not living a life with G-d in it and I was on borrowed time until something disastrous happened to bring me to him. I need to be grateful that I listened and grasped it this time. Or who knows what else he might have put in my life.

Last year at this time, I couldn't face this day. Today I celebrated and the success I had was because of G-d, my hard work, but your patience and guidance and belief in me to keep me moving when I didn't want to.

My prayer is that you all had as good a holiday as possible. If you are in pain, you let the prayers in tonight a little closer, because I will be praying for you. And if you are recovering, please love on your spouse and KNOW that in the end all that matters is the love you have between you. Because I will always hope for that second chance to show my H how much I love, admire and want him home.

:happythanksgiving:

Queenie, at least I was not offended. I hope nobody else was either. And I completely got that you were funny when you wrote about your daughters "restrictions". I had similar discussions with my dad when I was younger, as a young woman you are so anxious to make a good impression and you want everyone to like each other.

I am glad that you had a great day and I am so impressed by how far you have come and by your faith. You inspire me!

Hi Queenie,


...got it....no probs on this end!


...I am glad to see you can look back and see how far you have come. This is how we know we are on the right track, and are changing the 'momentum'...somehow.

Keep up the good work, Queenie.

I wasn't offended. I was just concerned about what I thought was your distress. I'm glad you had a good time and that they were comfortable enough to invite you back. My children and I have gone to a couple of Hannukah celebrations and had a good time. And we've enjoyed Bar Mitzvahs.

Hi Queenie!

Hope your Thanksgiving was great. I think your kids will enjoy going to Christmas Eve. Years ago we had a Jewish friend and her kids over for Christmas Eve. We played dreidel with Christmas MnM's and birthday cake (for the baby Jesus )

It was great fun.

Let's get together some place out of the way during the winter break. I don't want to try to fight the crowds at a mall...

I have had the most amazing weekend. I am so grateful to G-d. Oh my gosh... So grateful. He has been so gracious and giving to me.

Thanksgiving was great, a little awkward at times because of the drinking but I just prayed and asked G-d. Then on Friday my niece and her husband came over from Eastern WA with their two kids. They are the ones who just got married last year, H was busted for cheating...drama... drama... drama...

I did take quite the opportunity to chew their butts out about life, marriage and commitment. I tried to work on them from MB principles explaining stuff and then gave them the book Surviving An Affair. I hope it does some good. Clearly they love each other, but they are young, prideful, immature and making all the mistakes....

My DD came over and we all went to the mall and saw my OS. His boss told me how much my son loves me, how much he talks about me and how he has such respect for me. I was overwhelmed. She said he was a great kid and she is such impressed with how often he talks about me. I was so flippin touched.

Then we walked around the mall and I could feel that sadness stirring inside, you know, the stuff that makes us still hurt inside. It hasn't been around for a while now, but its still there, strong and dangerous. But I am no longer that destroyed woman who lets it go down the tunnel, I fight it today.

Everyone left, I decided to go to services and on the way, I did allow myself the ability to cry my heart out for the sadness of what ifs. Or how could a man, leave his family... Just walk away from a family like he has. But then I have to remember he is just sick. Enough of him.

So I went to services, then stopped off at a wreath party on the way home. Yesterday woke up from a rough dream on drinking, went to an AA meeting, came home and crossstiched all day, then went to a party at my friends house with my son.

Today I am watching the Redskins play Giants, Sean Taylor was inducted into Redskins Hall of Fame, I got to see it online and I am preparing a Thanksgiving dinner for all my children who will be here later.

I have spent all weekend with my kids, creating memories, learning things I probably didn't want to know about, like the fact my YS admitted to smoking pot, but I'm looking to G-d for guidance and counting my blessings.

I really hope the Skins win.....

Queenie - we are all very blessed. I was reading about the Rabbi and his wife who were killed in Mumbai. Very sad. But somehow their son got put out in the hallway, and his crying alerted a cook who unboarded her door and rescued him.

We are so lucky in the US.

Yes Believer, so sad. And yet, a ray of light from G-d.

This is the FOURTH attempt at posting. I have spent a large time on Luna's thread catching up on her and I'm overwhelmed. I'm sick to death in my heart. I feel like giving up.

I mean really, why are we holding out for something that what... will be hard at best, long to say the least and possibly recovered in the end. I should go gamble, my odds of winning it big at a table seem bigger today.

She is hurting, she is walking through the emotions with such grace and openness to learn the lessons and keep willing to look at what could be.

I want to hurt someone for her pain. I want her to have some peace at heart. I want Chai to have peace at heart. I want Bugs to have peace at heart.

The four of us.... ours walked away and I forget who said, the opposite of love isn't hate its indifference and that's what we have. Not passion of hate, just NOTHING. Don't we deserve the passion of angery to say the least from them, but to just walk away and leave us hanging, like they are still controlling us in their own way. I want to spit, I want to scream.

I want my H to flipping come home. But why, he will have new ways, he will fold his underwear different, he will use different toothpaste, different soap. I know... I sell Amway... he isn't buying that. :crosseyedcrazy:

He ABANDONED his children. He took our M and threw it away for WHAT, his "MORE than being married to his best friend". How can I possibly be stupid enough to keep believing that A will end. He has been with her for over 2 1/2 years. My Plan B, what did it accomplish... Out of sight out of mind.

Is there anyone who can think of a reason why not to thrown in the towel and just give up. D him and find someone who wants to be with me. Because he clearly doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

I'm sorry for my slide backwards, but I want to help Luna and Chai and I don't know what to say or do....

Queenie - Most affairs end. I have the statistics somewhere and will look for them. But it is something like 95% end within 3 years.

Hang in there.

Believer, I don't doubt your statistics, and I have NEEDED to hear this from you for so long.

But come on.... what Chai said.... about who they are today. Their habits are different, they do things so different, they are like strangers.

And not to mention.... NOTHING.... he has done NOTHING but ignored me, walked away, made life financially hard and been completely indifferent.

I know he isn't happy, I know he isn't living the life of a fantasy, other than believing he can have a life based on trust, openness and honesty.

I feel like catgirl.... he is living the day to day life with her and just staying there. I'm sorry, I just have felt Luna and Chai's pain so deeply. I want to take it from them and give them hope and I don't know what to do to help them. I'm frustrated.

Help me grab something to hold on to. Is he so much the same as any other affair, is his OW just like anyone else. I don't even know what I am looking for to be honest.

Hope.... maybe... he belief that G-d is still working hard to bring him home.

I got a phone call today by that man who I was interested in me all those months ago. He is still interested and wants to take me to the movies. Is this my struggle, that I want to be with someone who wants me instead of treats me like a piece of garbage or worse yet, doesn't even acknowledge that I exist.