Hello yawl...new here so may take a bit to get around in this site.
Here is the question. She lives three hours away in another State. We have been seeing each other for a while. I had offered marriage a while back....but she just
wanted to be friends"...but "loved me and could not see me never being a part of her life". I told her I am "an all or nothing kinda guy".
Well, after a couple of years of weekend dates and other long distance dancing I agreed to just being a friend. So after a while I took a lady out to eat and that sorta thing. Now, the long distance gal says I have cheated on her. She gave me one heck of a yelling match...mercy. My response is how in the world can I cheat on a friend? Marriage was out the window....no date in sight.
So here is the final bit and the problem. Long distance gal now wants to get married but she wants to stay in her State doing ministry things and am supposed to stay in my State where I work. So it would still be weekend dates and long distance phone calls. I for one have had enough of coming home to an empty house. I hear a question for those now reading....I have a small farm & supervise very large construction projects. She works a 9-5 and does church ministry almost every night.
Should I stick to my guns and tell her to move this way or work this long distance deal as best as I can?

GE, I wouldn't do anything with her until you get to know her better. First off, she told you earlier that you were only a "friend" until she became aware she might have competition. That does not sound very promising to me.

Secondly, if you ever did get married, who would be the sole source of support? If it is you, then she would need to quit her job and move to your town. And surely you understand that a marriage will not work long distance. Do you?

Her "ministry work" that keeps her out evenings is a big red flag to me. That would cause problems in your marriage.

I would not, would not recommend marrying someone unless there is a plan to live together. That would be a huge mistake.

Golden_Eagle - since you introduced "church" and "ministry" into this request for opinions and advice, let me ask you to give us some details on your faith, your potential wife-to-be's faith, what "church" do you associate yourselves with, etc.

Marriage is a BIG deal, especially for believers, so I want to get a feel for just what "part" both of you "expect" God to playing, or not playing, in your potential relationship and marriage.

I'll wait with anything else until you respond in this "vital to a marriage" area.

Hi there Eagle. Please, please don't do this. There are too many red flags and you have already been through one divorce. I don't know about the night-time ministry stuff but either way it doesn't sound good. If she is really doing ministry, then she is putting that above her marriage already; and if she is not, well then....

It also seems like she really wants to call the shots and control how things go instead of working together on a plan. This is a HUGE deal and in my opinion does not bode well at all for the future decision-making.

The long distance marriage will be a disaster especially when you dont' know each other that well going into it. Many people have to live apart for long periods (military, TDY etc) but it's much better to start solidly together before experiencing the separation (again, my humble opinion).

For what it's worth, I moved to be here with my husband. I uprooted my two children and moved b/c he was going to be the primary breadwinner and I felt I needed to be aupportive of him in his work. It was a big, big transition for me but well worth it for a GREAT marriage and awesome role model for my children.

A wife who wants to do ministry can find opportunities for that in your town too. Brokenness and sin are not limited to her town, that's for sure!!!

Please, please don't do it under these circumstances!

Best Wishes,

--M

May I steal a line from a famous movie? "Run, Forrest, run!!!"