I am looking for a little advice. I have been lurking for several months and thought things were getting better, but now I am not so sure.

Here is my story. On August 22, 2008, I discovered that my wife of 12 years was having an affair that started on July 2, 2008. She confessed and asked for forgiveness. We started to work on our marriage, counseling and started on MB priciples. A few weeks into it, I caught her with a cell phone he had given her and she moved in with her parents for approximately four weeks. She then moved back in ready to work on our marriage again. Two weeks later, I found out she had contacted him and then two days later, I caught them meeting for lunch.

She said she didn't know why she could not stay away. She can't explain her feelings for him. Anyway, she called him from my phone and told him that it was over. She then sent the NC letter and established NC on October 28, 2008. As best I can tell, it is still in place. I have access to phone records, email and a gps on her car.

I found out yesterday that the OM's birthday was last week and that she had bought him some birthday cards. She claims she never sent them, that she threw them away. She says she just a weak moment. I am not sure what to believe.

She spent two to three weeks in serious withdrawal and the last week she has seemed much better and things seemed to be improving. She was becoming more affectionate and we had started to discuss long term plans again. Tonight, I confronted her about the birthday cards and asked if she had contact with him. She says she has not. She says that she loves me and wants our marriage to work, but she feels that she has done too much damage. She says that she knows she is messing up, but she still has feelings for him and she can't figure this out.

She feels that I will never be able to let it go. She might be right.

So, my question is, are her feelings normal at this stage? I want to feel like that there is no way she could leave a 15 year relationship for a guy she met several months ago, but I also thought we would be farther along than we are.

Please help!!!

Your recovery sounds like it is going about normal. She MUST maintain no contact. Otherwise you are starting over each time she has contact.


The OM is meeting some kind of need for her. Try to figure out what it is and start meeting it yourself.

Do you spend 15 hours a week doing fun things with her?

We have been together pretty much 24/7 for the past month.

I can't get a handle on the need he is meeting. As back story, we got married and had our first son when we were 18/17. We now have three boys and she has never done anything besides be a stay at home mom.

Now, she met this guy at the gym and seems to be enamored with his single life style. She doesn't seem to be too concerned with the fact that he was divorced 6 months ago.