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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,775
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I have come to realize that cheating really is a form of emotional abuse. It is heartless and very damaging. The behavior attendant to it, the gaslighting, the meaness, the blameshifting, the criticizing and picking fights etc. is about as extreme a form as abuse as can be imagined.
Does it make sense to remain is a relationship with such an abusive person? Does the ability to be this abusive bode well for future relations with such a person?
I know this is not an original thought. But, why cater to the emotional needs of an abuser unless they get help for their abusive nature?
They say their EN's were not being met. But, who reacts to this type of situation with such extreme abuse? I just will never understand a person that could do this to their spouse and family.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Please do yourself a favor and read Surviving an Affair. Many marriages recover from infidelity and are perfectly happy and recovered. To say that such marriages cannot ever recover is wrongheaded. Many here have recovered and know better.
And yes, adultery is an extreme form of abuse. But I would not minimize it by comparing it to "emotional abuse." It is much worse than that. Psychologists have compared it more accurately to PHYSICAL ASSAULT.
Are you a WS or a BS? What brings you to MB?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 862
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Posts: 862 |
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,775
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I'ma BS, trying to understand how and why people do this.
As for "minmizing' , most experts on abuse will tell you that emotional abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse, and moreso in some ways. So, it was not my intention to minimize it. On the contrary,I think it is about the worst thing a spouse can do to another.
I know folks recover, but isn't it rare? I've read that about 30% of the relationships touched by infidelity survive and, of those, many do not fare that well.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I know folks recover, but isn't it rare? I've read that about 30% of the relationships touched by infidelity survive and, of those, many do not fare that well. I believe its closer to 50%. Recovered marriages are not RARE around here. We have many, many recovered marriages here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
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MY IC wanted me to join a group for abused women. and I said to her "I am not abused he never touched me" She said what he was doin was extreme emotional abuse at its worst.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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