My wife is having an affair with her boss. I already talked with her friends, and they don't support this relationship because he's a 20 years older married repeating cheater (4th time).

My wife changes her mind every minute. One minute she wants to work in the marriage, agrees to change her phone number, asked for a job chang, agrees to MC, wants to work in the recovery. Next minute, she's angry because I'm always "watching her", calls him to the phone, and says she doesn't love me anymore and stays for the kids.

Several of the recommendations to the recovery need her agreement, and she says yes and the next minute no. What to do?

I know I should expose the affair. But what is next?

Have you exposed the affair to her family and to the workplace? Is the OM married and does his wife know?

Are you in the United States? Because if you are, you have the OM by the nads and have a powerful weapon against this affair. All you have to do is pull the trigger.

We live in Mexico, and my wife's family is in US. They don't have much contact. He is a married repeated cheater. His wife didn't want to take my calls.

My wife's coworkers know of this affair, and I told her they even saw them. I don't want to talk to the HR office or the clinic's director, because my W has had problems with them in the past, and I don't want them to use this against her.

solitario, you should do an EFFECTIVE exposure. Gossiping to her silly friends is not what we mean when we discuss exposure. We mean a strategic plan where you call/write KEY PEOPLE and expose to them on the same day to create a tsunami effect. Exposure RUINS the fantasy effect of the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy.

Exposure targets should be:

1. OM's wife [phone call or visit]

2. Director of Human Resources, with a cc to each affairees supervisor along with a key VP or board member. Letter is sent certified mail with cc's clearly noted on each letter. [sample posted below]

3. WW's parents and close family members. Tell them about affair and [very important!--->] ask for their advice in saving your marriage. This seems to movtivate them to want to help.

4. your children. if they are over 4 they should be told of your wife's adultery

5. pastor, if applicable...

This should all be done on the same day - without warning - to get the maximum effect and to prevent the affairees from pre-empting you.

In your case, the OM is your WWs boss so he is placing his company at great legal risk. They will likely have to remove him from his job before he causes a lawsuit.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

But do you want to save your marriage? Exposure is the most potent tool you have at your disposal. You can't afford to not use it, solitario. Transparency is like chemotherapy.

More importantly, your wife and her creepy OM are placing this clinic in legal jeopardy. They have a right to know so they can protect themselves.

As I asked you in another thread, is there a time limit for all this? It's been a month since D-Day, three days since I know who was the OM, and two days since I talked with her friends. My wife has been lying all this time. It's disappointing and devastating. I don't recognize her.

A time limit for what, solitario?

If you will not expose WW's family, her work, OMW. Stop coming here. Get a lawyer. File for divorce.

If you want to save your marriage expose.

Besides another week of suffering, is there another problem if I let my wife this week to try to break the relationship as she says she'll do. She sounds really convinced of the nonsense of this affair. Yes, I know she was lying me just 4 days ago, saying she hadn't seen the OM. This will give me a peace of mind I'd give her an opportunity and she wasted it.

Besides another week of suffering, you'll give her time to talk to OM and figure out how to hide their affair better. If she were really going to try to break off the A this week, she'd have done it. She just wants time to figure out how to have you both.

Furthermore, OM will have time to talk to his wife and say "I really feel sorry for a woman at the office. Her husband is extremely jealous and possessive every time she even looks at another guy. He's really paranoid and unstable. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if he called here ranting and raving and thinking I was having an affair with her. It's a shame, too, she's a nice kid and deserves better than him."

You need to expose, to everyone all at once, and without warning. ML is giving you excellent advice.

She says she talked with him and told him not to phone her or look for her except for business matters. She has a pending job change, I offered money to "accelerate" the change, but she refused, she says she can overcome this and more, so she will wait the normal time. We're working in our relationship. Of course her recent lies make me wonder if this is even real (think so), if she can really resist this (many doubts), or if this is all another lie (hope not).

Boy, did your WW just played you like a Pro. WW made sure you bought her lies so you will not tell the OMW. WW is doing a great job protecting the man she loves, her OM. She protected him from hearing from his wife and reprocussions from his job.

Maybe you should send the OM a check to reimburse him for the expenses and personal he incurred from banging your WW. With a big thank you card. Where you can say let's be friends, keep in touch with me and the wife.

"She says she talked with him and told him not to phone her or look for her except for business matters. She has a pending job change"

How can you believe a WW? This is standard WW lies. What job change? If they are still working for the same employer this affair will never end. Instead of the getting it on on there current floor/wing. They will get it on at the new floor/wing.

There is now way around exposing.

Expose WW's parents and siblings, OMW, and Human Resources at work.

Opinions vary, but I'd expose the affair RIGHT NOW.

Step 2: Your wife leaves her job IMMEDIATELY, or the marriage is over.

Step 3: Consider a move to the north.

I talked with the OMW. We went to the job to talk with them. My wife ran away. The OM denied everything and when I showed some tapings where my wife confessed he almost said she was mad.

My wife told me I ruined everything, I lost any hope of R, she said she'll go with the kids, but I moved them. Her best friend told me I ruined everything, how could I do this if she had finished the relationship two weeks ago, I told her they still talked the weekend and told me she had finished the relationship today.

¿What now? I'm heartbreaked and hopeless. Please help me

You did well. Lawyer up, quick. Your wife is a liar and is remorseless. You had no choice and you did the right thing.

But what do I do now with my wife? She called me crying and said we had to arrange the kids custody, and we agreed to meet. She didn't arrived, and when I called she said she was pretty far and then I asked if I should wait for her and she said: "as you wish, if I can I'd go to your job later" (I'm supposedly working in a hospital right now, I had to ask a friend to cover me). She didn't sound as even beeing in a car.

What do I do now?

1) Please stick to one thread.

2) Tell her you aren't interested in a divorce. If she wants to separate, she can go without the kids.

Your WW is in panic mode now. You've brought reality crashing into her fantasy bubble. Don't make any rash decisions at this point, and stick to doing what you can to recover your M.