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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617 |
My son has been asking me if his father(WH) is going to be home on christmas morning to see him open his presents. I dont know if i can handle WH here. Do I just have to suck it up for my DS. How do any BS handle this predicament???
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Plan B is complete and total darkness in order to be effective.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2008
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What do I say to my son. DS tells me WH says "I want to come but your mother wont let me come over"
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Tell him the truth. Daddy is having an adulterous affair and can come if he chooses to end his affair and be a husband and father to us. He can't come here if he is having an affair, though.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
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I wouldn't recommend it.
The boy needs a healthy and secure mother that teaches him the valuable lesson that abusers don't have to be tolerated and respected.
Of course...this lesson is taught by your actions and not your words. WH is the boys father. But a valuable lesson about appropriate boundaries is delivered when you say "no, your father will only enter this home if and when he ends his relationship with ____, chooses to be my husband again and I'm still willing to accept his apology and restore our marriage. The ball is in his court."
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Joined: Nov 2008
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thank you ML for answering so quickly. thats what I thought. Its just reassuring to here it from you. I just always feel like it would be so much better for my DS if I could just suck it up and be the bigger person and let my husband be here for special events like christmas.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Mr wondering when you say it like that it makes me feel more confident about my decision. Thank you.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Suggestion:
Take LOTS of pictures of son opening his presents - make copies - put photos in an envelope and have son share photos with Dad on the visit following Christmas.
voila'
Pep
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PEP THAT IS AN AWSOME IDEA. that will make DS happy too.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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that will make DS happy too. That's why I thunk it  You could do a video if you're able - let son work on this with you ( tell son : a Christmas gift for Dad)
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Mr wondering when you say it like that it makes me feel more confident about my decision. Thank you. Don't forget...a small part of this question has to do with the fact that YOU want him there for YOU for Christmas too. Unfortunately...WH has taken all your choices and just about expanded all his chances with you. Plan B is necessary for your family such that IF and WHEN WH wakes up...you'll still take him. Even considering having him over for Christmas is a love bank withdrawal you must resist thinking about. Plan B is a taste of divorce for WH. I hope and pray he doesn't like it as much as you and your son obviously don't. Mr. Wondering p.s. - great idea Pep....but NO pictures of you and make the background as uninteresting as possible. Don't give him inside panoramic views of the house.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Joined: Nov 2008
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YOu made me laugh MW. I swear if it wasnt for you guys I would be lost. MY WH would be over all of the time and I would be more of a basket case than i am now with no chance of recovery.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Joined: Oct 2000
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YOu made me laugh MW. I swear if it wasnt for you guys I would be lost. MY WH would be over all of the time and I would be more of a basket case than i am now with no chance of recovery.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH Hang in there 
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