I have thought about doing this, but am worried about legal action being taken against me if I expose at her work. Just me logging in from another location at the same time she is logged in leaves evidence on the server that i am illegally accessing her email.

Also, i don't think there is a way to move emails off MS outlook web access without actually forwarding them to another email address.

can you explain how to do this a little further?

You don't have to say anything about the emails. You've already confronted her about the affair and she's admitted as much. Her employer doesn't need to know how you found out about it.

I wasn't planning on saying anything about the emails in my letter to the university, but if they decided to look at her email account when investigating my claim, they will see that 2 people have been logging on to the same account for a few weeks now at almost the same exact time. I am sure they would be able to put the pieces together from that.

Setting up a rule or logging into my WW's work email?

Logging into her email.

it all depends on how the email system is set up at her work.

My WW works at a university. The university uses one email system for students and faculty. It is set up so that both employees and students can access their email even when not on the university computer network. This particular university uses microsoft outlook web access to do this.

When logging into her email, my WW just goes to the university website and logs in. Once i found her password, i was able to do the same thing.

I didn't have to set up anything to be able to do this, i just got lucky i guess that her work uses an email system that can be accessed at home.

Many companies, like mine, have the ability for employees to access email from home, but this usually requires some piece of hardware that has a constantly changing password to make it more secure. If your WW's email is set up like this you are probably out of luck.

But, if she accesses her email from home in any way, you can easily install a keylogger in your computer to see what she is typing. It will even take screen shots for you.

hope this helps.

It's time to stand up and grow a pair. The more you allow this, the worse your marriage will be. You've only been married for a few months, and your WW is already cheating on you. I would do something a little more drastic. I would tell her she needs to find a new place of employment and be 100% transparent to you from now on. If she refuses, expose her to her employer (don't tell them about the illegally obtained emails), to OMW, her family, and tell her to find somewhere else to live. If she refuses to move out, file for divorce on grounds of adultery. She feels that she is in charge and that she can do whatever she wants. You need to show her that she is no longer in control, and that if she wants to stay married, then she needs to follow your rules. If she doesn't, then you get divorced.

It is a win-win situation. If she backs down, gets another job, cuts all contact w/ OM, and goes to MC to start working on your relationship, it is a win. If you get a divorce, you don't have to suffer through a horrible marriage where you are walked all over by this terrible woman who is cheating just months after marrying you - another win. Either way, you get control back of your life which is a definite win.

Do you think if you just wait around until this thing eventually dies out that she won't just do it again in the future? You will be in for an endless cycle of emotional abuse from her unless you stand up for yourself now. Your parents don't like her because up to this point, she's been horrible to you.

By the way, I was in a similar situation to yours UNTIL I MANNED UP AND SET UP A MEETING WITH A LAWYER AND TOLD HER SHE NEEDED TO MOVE OUT WITHIN TWO WEEKS. Then her tune changed a little.

I did this 2 weeks ago and told her she needed to stay somewhere else for a few days to think about what she really wanted in life. She stayed in a hotel for 2 night and then came home. She played the "i'm feeling so alone right now, the only thing i have left is my job, how can you expect me to give that up" routine and i was suckered into agreeing that she keep her job. I now see that was a huge mistake. there was absolutely no contact for a week and half, so i thought we were finally on the road to recovery, until the OM sent her an innocent "how was your holiday" email yesterday morning.

In light of this information, does your recommendation change? If i tell her she needs to leave her job again, she'll just try to do the same thing. I am thinking that I just need to go straight to exposure at work.

I guess one other option would be to confront her and ask her if she has had any contact with the OM, and when she tell me she hasn't, I'll just respond with "you are lying, I can see it in your eyes." I could also call out her behavior over the weekend compared to last night. Over the weekend she was acting quiet and depressed, like she might be going through withdrawal, but last night, after she got her fix, was her happy-go-lucky self.

TC, my suggestion would be to do a workplace exposure and another exposure to the OMW, all on the same day. That may change the workplace scenario all on its own and cause one of them to leave.

But right after i would make it clear to her that this won't work unless she no longer works at the same place as the OM. That has to be your boundary, becasue why stay in an impossible situation?

If workplace exposure has no effect, then you would want to go into Plan B if she won't end contact with him.

should I tell the OMW that I exposed at work, or just let her find out from her H?


Should I say anything to my W about continued contact before this? Obviously I would not hint at telling work.

Even if he leaves work or is fired, he lives in the same town the university is in and we live 75 miles away, my WW commutes every day. So, even if he is not working there, he will still be in the immediate area with a lot more time on his hands to bother my WW, so even if he does leave work, i don't think I will be satisfied until she is not working in the same city anymore.


Who should be told when exposing at work. WW and the OM work for a university, so things work a little different than your average company. This university is a large state school, so I doubt that the president or chancellor will want anything to do with this. I don't want my email to fall on deaf ears.

Let her find out from H.


She needs to be confronted with this recent evidence. I think perhaps the right timing would be when she finds out about the school exposure and the new exposure to the OMW. You could let her know that you are having her watched and the school, the OMW, know all about her recent contact with the OM. Don't tell her HOW or WHO, but let her suspect the school is watching her. Say something like, you know, the IT department has a record of every one of your emails with the OM.


You can get away with this much more easily than them working together. So lets cross that bridge in the future.



I would send the letter to the Director of Human Resources, and CC the chancellor along with their respective department heads. Put the cc on every letter and send the HR letter certified so they have to sign for it.

Do you have the template?

yes, i have the one you posted for me a few weeks ago, thanks.




so i should send an actual letter instead of an email? I guess i'll have to wait a few days then before stuff starts to happen.


How long does it typically take for HR to act on a letter like this?


What do you recommend i do until all of this stuff happens? Should I just act normal at home and continue my plan A?

1) Well, I usually give waywards a chance to hang themselves first. Of course she'll reject your offer, and that's when I would do it.

2) If she pulls the hotel room stunt again, let her know that her crap will be on the front lawn and the locks changed if she does it again. If she leaves, there is no coming back without conditions.

3) She can either have her current job or her husband, her choice. Do not allow her to have both.

4) There is no such thing as an "innocent" email from OM. He backed off for a week until things settled down, and now he's hoping he can start things up again without getting caught. He will always have that ability as long as they work together.

5) This woman is not marriage material. Give her a chance to come back to you, but when she fails, move on without her.

It's easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission. In any case, I doubt anyone will pursue a legal case against you, particularly as you are not actually "hacking", but using your wife's access information, which she gave you, right?



There is, if they've enabled RPC over HTTP (which is usually done if they're allowing OWA, as it's a simple option to enable through the same server).

Quickest way to find out is to create a new Outlook profile on your folder, add a "Microsoft Exchange Server" e-mail account to that profile, and when prompted enter the name of the Exchange server and your your wife's user name. Before hitting "Next" though, hit "More Settings", select the "Connection" tab, Select the "Connect to my Exchange mailbox using HTTP" option, then click on the "Exchange Proxy Settings" button and enter the URL for the OWA server as the "proxy server for Exchange". If it works, the Outlook client on your PC will work like the Outlook client on her PC at work, except it will be downloading e-mail via the OWA server, rather than directly.

I'm assuming that you know the name of the Exchange server. If you don't there are several ways to get that.

she doesn't have outlook on her PC at work. She doesn't even have her own PC, her job has her moving between different buildings and labs all day. She uses the MS outlook web access exclusively.

TC, if you have email addresses, I would just go ahead and do it like that today. Be sure and put the cc's on the email so everyone knows that everyone looking.

he will have this ability even if he quits his job or is fired. He would still know my WW's email address, and if is isn't working will have even more time to pursue her. this is why i think that she must leave work regardless of what he does. This may not be a problem because my WW is already very worried that I will tell work and has said that she would not be able to continue working there is everyone knew what she had done.

i haven't looked for the addresses, but I imagine they would be easy to find on the university website. But, sending an email to Hr may not get notices as much as a certified letter, so I am starting to think that is the better way to go.

another question i have if how to deal with WW's family after i expose. I know for a fact that her mother does not believe that exposing at work will help anything. I know this needs to happen regardless of where her family stands, but I would like to be able to tell them why this was necessary, but i don't want to tell them i have email access.

I don't need her going to them for support and having them dismiss me a some crazy paranoid guy that she is better off without.