The most important person in my life is DD14. After 2 years of problems..truanting etc..she appears at last to be more settled. Loves me but has a "short fuse" and so minor ups and downs. Her close friends are now the ones I would like her to be with and who are a good influence on her. She seems to have voluntarily reduced contact with the "bad" ones. She sees her mum occasionaly.

It is now 2 years since WW left home, and I hav'nt seen her since December 2006. Plan "B" proper started in April 2007.
Contact is still via the intermediary DD23. WW's first affair partner made use of her for a few months, deseased her and dumped her circa October 2006. Another was "hovering in the wings"..at the same pub...and took her over then. I do not try and find out whats going on but they still see each other...have been abroad together at least twice...and she probably spends a part of her time at his flat.
WW had to leave her flat a few months ago and "officially"lives with her sister nearer town.

Recently...as we have no direct contact and she wished to discuss matters with me, she had her solicitor write to me asking for ALL fincial details. I am waiting for a meeting with my solicitor.
My concern is that should divorce happen soon and finances and property halved I will not be able to support DD14 adequately and she will be back to square one.
I have also made friends..but nothing more yet...with a lady my age with all the same interests!.
DD23 tells me that her mum..WW...does not want any of my income, nor investments etc...but enough to buy a property. Say 50% of our house?. This could be so...and I feel a divorce would be necessary to finalise matters.
If I could raise 50% of the house value and buy her out then that make it easier to clear the house and find another. Possibly a joint venture with DD23 and / or another. And try for a property with more land for DD14's pony.

...continued.

I suggested to DD23 that her mother could live with boyfriend....but DD23 said she has no intention of that...just wants to buy her own house..flat or whatever.

I did love her very much and am worried about my feelings if we do have to meet to agree matters.
But I do not see her returning to the marriage now.

So...decisions will have to be made soon.

I'm glad things are settling. Do you talk a lot with D14? She's old enough now for you to start talking to her about what really happened, and get more into how she feels. Get her to feel safe talking to you, that you won't judge her, she can tell you anything. She needs that.

I wish I had better hope for WW, but you're probably right, sorry. I'd let your solicitor and/or accountant handle any issues with her. You don't need to be there. And let your daughters support you; they need to do that.

Good luck!

Cat..thanks for your response. I do talk quite a lot to DD14, and am with her most days at the stables.But she would rather spend time with her friends which I understand!.
I havnt talked to her about what happened....I am sure she is fully aware, but obviously still loves her mum and misses her.

I

I read somewhere earlier that you were ending your plan B in November 2008...

So what's going on?

(In case some people are wondering, I like to look through some of the "older" posts, and this one is the first one I ever looked at on MB)

Karmasrose,
Thanks for looking at my thread. Time flies!. I have not seen or spoken to my wife since Christmas 2006..except very briefly in April 2007.
Contact has been through an intermediary...my elder Daughter 23.
As my wife has no communication with me..at my request...she contacted me through a solicitor in late September 2008 for a divorce. This being initiated to obtain money to set up house in a flat.
As far as I know she is still seeing her second affair person and has been abroad at least 3 times with him. Officially she lives with her divorced sister....what contact she has with her b/friend I don't know or ask.
I had intended to "last out" the 5 years till she could obtain a divorce without requiring my consent. This being mainly so I could provide my daughter ..now 14...with full support, re schooling, her pony and equine interests and avoid moving and her losing close contact with her many friends. DD14 and DS 20 still live with me. It has taken me 2 years of hard work and stress to settle DD14 down.
But I am now feeling that, in some way, I need to divorce now and start a new life...if I can..without ruining DD14's life!.

DD23 says her mum only wants part of the house value...nothing more. So I need to find some way of buying her out if I can. And that may only be possible if my pensions and investments are untouched by her.
I have found an excellent solicitor who will be progressing the matter after Christmas.

NR67,

After reading you post this joke jumped into my head

Did you hear about the Lady Lawyer from London

She dropped her briefs and became a solicitor.

NJ

..to continue....
Obviously I cannot be certain that my wife will ask for no more than half the house value. But she may settle for this to obtain a divorce soon?.
I have recently found a good female friend 3 years older than I...my age being 70. She and share the same interests, especially horses, and we are both young for our ages. My wife is 51....and she is young for her age!!
We see each other no more than once a week. She is one reason that a divorce now would be appropriate.

I think it unlikely my wife will ask for a reconciliation even though she has been involved with trashy people. And she was obviously diseased by the first affair partner who dumped her after 6 months..the present one having been lurking in the background.

Anyway, thats my present position.

Thanks for letting us know. I wish you and your kids all the best.

Thanks for that..NJ.
My Lawyer is very attractive but unfortunately doesn't come from London!!

Thanks catperson, for reading my posts and giving advice. There has'nt been much to say for a while but matters will probably hot up in the New Year and I will let you know.
The financial side of things will be the main problem.

I hope "lovinganyway" is ok. She has been a great help to me in getting me through all this so far but hav'nt had contact with her for a while.

Before giving any advice, I'd like to ask what your intent is in proceeding with divorcing your wife.

What do you intend to give/not give her? Not that I am saying you should give her anything, I'm just asking.

Have you consulted a lawyer, etc, on where you stand?

kamasrose,
My wife is asking for a divorce through her solicitor. I had originally intendended to let the matter run for for the full 5 years instead of 2.
But I now feel it best to get it over and done with and start a new life.
My DD23, who acts as my intermediary, tells me that her mum is not after my income, pensions and savings but just wants part of the value of the property..presumably half, so she can buy a small property for herself.....this MIGHT be true. If this arranged a divorce now would be sensible as she could want much more later.
My problem was, and still is, to avoid upsetting the life of my DD14 who lives with me. She has been badly affected by the situation..truanted regularly..etc... But at last well settled, improving at school, lots of very good close friends and a major part of her life is her pony.
So I dont want to move or not be able to afford to keep her pony.....
will continue

Is there any way for you to raise that money without having to sell anything that is of major emotional value? (House, etc.)

broke post in case it went down!...

I have a solicitor. She has discussed my options...discussions with my solicitor at an early stage. we are doing nothing now till after Christmas.
I will have to provide details of my finances...and my wife will do the same. I am sure I will pursue the divorce now option.

I do not wish to remain in this house indefinitely...but for say 3 - 4 years would be useful. This would avoid unsettling DD14 too much. But I would need to raise half the value of the property to buy my wife out. Will investigate this.

So that's really that for the moment I think, until discussions, negotiations, etc... between solicitors start in the New Year.

The situation would be easier if DD14 was much older and self supporting.

Karmasrose...yes, that is my current problem. T find some way of raising the money. But that may be only possible if my wife is only asking for a share of the property, and nothing else.

Is there anything you have that you wouldn't MIND selling? Any equipment, vehicles, etc?

One option I had considered was for DD23...who has 3 children and a partner she is engaged to....to buy my wife..her mother..out. She could have afforded to do this. But they appear to be suddenly to be splitting up which spoils that option. There splitting up also makes me realise how risky such an arrangement could be!.

I have recently made friends with someone who owns her own house...but...has too many loans / mortgages on it taken out for her childrens education that she would not be able to raise sufficient by selling her property to buy my wife out. I could move in there but that would mean uprooting my DD14.

So I have to get my thinking hat on!.

No, karmarose. I need my only vehicle. I have nothing surplus of the sort of value needed....say £150,000.

Hmm...

I'm not sure what to say to you now. But knowing you, after all I've read that you've done, SURELY you can do this.

IE raising a teenager at your age.