Next week is the First Anniversary of my marriage. Two days ago my husband told me he didn't think he loved me anymore. He says we just aren't compatible, and he doesn't know how he feels anymore. He doesn't want to cuddle with me, tell me he loves me or show much affection. We still have an active sex life but the love just isn't there. I feel terrible. We have been together for over 6 years and now he decides he just doesn't love me anymore? I am destroyed.

I have done everything I can to be a great wife yet everything I do pisses him off. If I make dinner, pick him up something special from the store or anything nice he thinks I'm purposely doing it to suck up to him. He says it isn't me and that I'm selfish (which i guess i was but i've come a long way in 6 years. I was young an immature. Now we are married I want to treat my husband right) No matter what I do, good or bad it makes matters worse. I could understand if I was a difficult person to get along with. But I'm very easy going and laid back. I rarely become angry, yell or have any attitude. Does anyone have an suggestions to help him fall back in love? The only power I feel I have is to use my looks and body to seduce him. I feel like its the only way to reach him right now.

These are all red flag indicators of infidelity. Have you ruled out that possibility?

That's not really a consideration. We do almost everything together. It would be almost impossible for him to get away with it and i trust him 100%. In addition, why would he continue to come to me for sex all the time if he is getting it some where else? If we weren't then I might be worried or suspect something. Plus his behavior is pretty much the same. Other signs I have heard are sudden changes like interest in new hobbies etc. I just don't even think that is a possibility. Thanks for your suggestion though!

I trusted my wayward wife 100% as well. That was a pretty big mistake.


That is actually not uncommon at all. And not all affairs are physical. An emotional affair can be just as devastating to a marriage as sexual adultery. What is his work situation?

I am sorry but based on what you posted, it really is.


I really do hope you are right, but I suggest you dig deeper into cell phone usage, email accounts, online usage, credit card statements, etc.

However, have you researched this site regarding emotional needs and love busters? Look into the books, His Needs Her Needs and Fall in Love Stay in Love. This site can help you a lot. Read every thing you can here on the concepts and look into those books.

I believe for you to take time and post your question, it means that you have not given up on your marraige. Please make no assumptions. Continue loving him the best way you know how. The more love you give the more he will wonder what is wrong with you. The law of physics says "for every action then, there is equal but opposite reaction". This means he is expecting you tou do the same. Dont just love him. its not easy, but for the sake of your marraige it is worth it. More importantly please pray for him. I will also pray for you and your loving hubby. Expect a mirracle soon. God is good and faithful.

In your response to an affair; I pretty much have access to all his personal information. I am in charge of paying all our bills and keeping all our records including phone and credit cards. So there is nothing for him to hide in phone or bills. As far as his email etc, I also have access to those except for his work account. He works for the govt and they are strict about emails so I wouldn't think he would be able to get away with too many personal emails.

He never works late, we spend almost all of our time together, whether it is dinner, going out, spending time with friends/family we even do all our shopping and grocery shopping together. It would be very, very difficult for him to pull any type of affair off. Same would be true on my end. With my schedule and the way we spend time together it would be almost impossible to pull it off.

I would STILL snoop anyways. IF he isn't messing around (and I admit, you make it sound like he MAY NOT be) he is using THREATS to keep you on your toes and uncomfortable. Why would he do that? The only reason I can come up with is that its some sort of screwed up way of keeping you under his thumb.


BUt, based on the posts HERE, I would rule out adultery first.

Thank you for your kind words. I have been praying but I know a lot of this is with in my control and I need to work hard at our marriage. I need to work on the concept of the "love bank" and make deposits into his account. I realize I have not been meeting his emotional needs and I have a lot of habits that drive him crazy. He even said he feels like he has everything but feels like something is missing. I'm sure the empty feeling has a lot to do with his emotional needs not being met.

On a good note, we have a lot of fun together when we are out and spending time with each other. I know we are still great friends and companions and he is still highly attracted to me. At least with these working in my favor, I know we still have a chance.

Tonight is our anniversary I picked up some of his favorite things and I'm planning a big surprise and a special evening. I have been planning this long before our recent conflict. I hope it will show him what thought and care I put into making him happy. I just hope he also does something special for me. I have this feeling he will just go out and buy something expensive, not wrap it and not give me a card. It seems it's easier for him to throw down money than to put any thought and care into my gift. I guess you don't put a lot of effort into a gift for someone you are no longer in love with. SO, I hope I'm wrong about the gift. Flowers would be really nice but I'm not really expecting anything because I don't want to get my hopes up.

Tonight is our anniversary I picked up some of his favorite things and I'm planning a big surprise and a special evening. I have been planning this long before our recent conflict. I hope it will show him what thought and care I put into making him happy. I just hope he also does something special for me. I have this feeling he will just go out and buy something expensive, not wrap it and not give me a card. It seems it's easier for him to throw down money than to put any thought and care into my gift. I guess you don't put a lot of effort into a gift for someone you are no longer in love with. SO, I hope I'm wrong about the gift. Flowers would be really nice but I'm not really expecting anything because I don't want to get my hopes up.

That is really sad. I write SAD because THATS MY MARRIAGE also. There is something wrong with this scenerio. Love is WONDERFUL when it is returned in kind. Love is AWFUL when it is one sided.

I hate to make it sound like I don't trust him but I've always kind of snooped. Every time he asks me to check his email (b/c he can't view it at work), i do some snooping. I don't know why, he never gives me reason to. I just do, I guess i will blame it on human nature? I don't like to admit this to anyone but I also do with his phone from time to time. I have never found anything incriminating in any of his things but for unknown reasons I continue to snoop from time to time.

I think i've just developed insecurities with in myself that cause me to do it. I don't really think it has anything to do with him. We've been together for 6 years. I'm in my 20's, healthy, slim (same weight), attractive but I feel like I don't have "it" anymore. I use to get a lot of attention from others every where we went. Now I just don't feel like I get it anymore. I'm sure it has a lot to do with us not hanging out at bars as much but it makes me feel like I've lost "it." I know I shouldn't care about others being attracted to me I should only care about my husband but it does put a dent in my confidence. My confidence and self esteem is definately no where near where it was. It is the main contribution to my insecurities.

Yes, I agree. It feels awful and hurts when love is one sided. I hate to sound like a push over but I guess I have to earn his love back. He can be a stubborn jerk sometimes but I admit I have a lot to do with things going wrong with us. I'm working my butt off trying to make it better. I'm sorry you are dealing with the same situation. Thanks for taking the time to post feedback to me.

I may be late to chime in, but...

My ex husband and I spent all of our time together. The only days I did not see him was Saturday night while I worked for about 5 hours.

We shopped, hung out, visited friends/family, etc. ALL TOGETHER. I paid all of the bills (the ones I was told about)Also, plenty of SF in our life together.

I discovered the affair 1 month in.

He managed to get away. He managed to carry on with her... and I was in the dark for one month. I thank God it was only that long that he get away with it.

Make sure there is no one else BEFORE you stop looking. Don't brush it off as impossible, because, nothing is impossible.

[quote=desperatehousewf]In your response to an affair; I pretty much have access to all his personal information. I am in charge of paying all our bills and keeping all our records including phone and credit cards. So there is nothing for him to hide in phone or bills. As far as his email etc, I also have access to those except for his work account. [quote]



Yup, that was me... Had access to all EXCEPT THE WORK E-MAIL... And, my WH was cheated on by his 1st W and had always said he believed the the vows, he took it seriously and disliked those that cheated... I trusted him 100% and felt 'safe'

Boy was I WRONG!!!

Your H could have having an A (either EA or PA) with a co-worker.. thus, not coming home late, using the work phone, work e-mail... that's what mine did (well also text messages from his personal cell but deleted them as soon as they were sent)

Just be aware, he may not be, just have your radar up and snoop and explore.. these signs you indicate in your post all hit home with many of us...

GET MAD!! stand up for yourself!

You DON'T need to earn his love back. It can only be given freely on his end. Sounds like a jerk. STOP the sucking-up thing. You must be feeling terrible. You need to look out for yourself because you can't change where he's at, nor should you. You deserve to be loved, and yo should remind yourself that, as well as him. You should be steaming mad!!!! You need to show him you shouldn't be treated by him like that. The more you enable him, the less and less he will love and respect you.

I'll suggest something no one else has because I think this may be the issue: he feels smothered.

If he's not having an affair, which I am no expert on that but maybe everyone is right that it's a possibility, I can definitely say he'd feel smothered by that. I would. Working your butt off just says to me if I look at it objectively, smothering smothering.

Why don't you go out to bars anymore, why don't you both go together? A couple guys looking at you will make him realize you are hot, make your ego feel good and may be just be fun. So maybe you both need to have a date night?

I am always angry at my husband, he is always pissing me off. I'm not having an affair. He is always in my face, always pointing out my flaws , his way of "joking" is "giving me crap" about things I do and don't do. It's infuriating, it's hard to love someone that is always in your face.

Just some thoughts, maybe you need to back off a bit and relax and realize if it's meant to be it will work out and stop worrying so much. Then tell him on a Friday night you two are going out to a bar and going to have fun, then drag his butt out!
At least if he doesn't have fun, you might

By the way, you have EVERY right to expect flowers on your anniversary, that's really unthoughful of him if he doesn't do anything for you.