I've been in Plan B since Nov. 9. Absolutely dark until this past weekend when one of my adult stepchildren was in a carwreck. His mom sent an email out to the entire family (including WH) about it and solicited input re: ongoing problems. WH responded through a "reply all", which included me on the email list. His input was good, focused on the specific problems. After struggling with it all day, I eventually responded because I had info that no one else had about alcohol abuse, previous history of behavioral issues, etc - info that has been hidden by stepson in order to avoid treatment (like father, like son...)

Part of my struggle was whether to include WH on the response list. (I fully appreciate the intent of Plan B.) In the end, I did. The exchange was serving as an "intervention" of sorts for stepson and I felt that the urgency of the problem trumped my Plan B - and that leaving WH off the list was not helpful to SS. I do intend that the email was my last word on the subject.

The whole episode got me thinking about online activity and Plan B. I have an increasingly active presence online, for career reasons. This includes Facebook with relatively frequent updates (every few days) and Twitter, where I can be followed. Facebook has photo albumn that includes photos of family (including WH) which I have left as is - I figured that if he ever went there he could be reminded of our family as it should be (and still is in my heart), before he damaged it.

Obviously, if WH wants to, he can "track" me online, although I doubt that he will. If anything, he is moving on without me, full speed ahead...although at some point, this could change. What's the feeling of MB veterans about this? Does this sort of thing subvert Plan B?

I've only been in plan B for 3 days but I plan to remain off facebook and myspace etc for as long as possible.

WH hacked into my facebook account today and changed my marital status to single.

It is an open portal to your life and I think an active account defeats plan B.

Perhaps you could set up a new facebook and twitter for business purposes that your WH does not know about.

In relation to your email to group, I would have sent it to my mother and had her send it to everyone. That would have been in line with keeping dark in my opinion.

Like I said, I am new, definately not an expert.

Almost all email programs have a very simple process to block reception of ANY email address including your WH's. Why wasn't that one of the FIRST things you did? You could/should have responded/corresponded to your stepsons mother ONLY.


Face it, you skrewed the pooch big time and you know it. And to top it off you came to the only place where you knew you wouldn't get away with it.

Early on Plan B is a b*tch.

Plan B works 100% of the time.

Best of luck.

I don't know about Twitter or MySpace but Facebook has settings to where you can block anyone except your friends that you have invited. You can also block things individually from said friends and even delete them without giving prior notice if you choose to do so.

If someone feels they MUST have it or die, it's a good alternative.

Charlotte

You can also block people so they won't find you on a search. Though it sounds like your WH actually hacked in as you and changed your settings. There is probably a way to prevent this by setting up a new email and then changing your email in Facebook. It doesn't mean you have to give up your old email - just that facebook will only recognize your new one (he wll need that to log in - keep it as a secure email only and don't use for anything else).

I think this is illegal.

I definitely appreciate the feedback. I'll go back and set Facebook for friends only and set Twitter to private or whatever the setting is.

On the email front, I really struggled with it and agree that I should have included WH on the reply. With regard to the question on blocking emails, setting my email to block anything from him _was_ the very first thing I did. However, my email app required me to specify about addresses in the "cc" line - where he was cc'd or I was - so I missed that bit (had blocked anything from him as "sender" to me directly.) I corrected the oversight.

Hate to think I blew it so early. I really appreciate everyone's honesty here.

...er, that's "should _not_ have included WH on the reply".

Yeah, but it was a bit of a different situation.

Still, I wouldn't fret about it if I were you. There are some here who have had to communicate with a WS through email because they had no IM and they just kept things business-like. No biggie.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You did fine, IMO.

Charlotte

Thanks, Charlotte. I've been reading your thread. It's an inspiring journey you've been on. I've been through bad times - really bad times - before and I know that it will get better, but that is just in my head today; I don't feel it in my gut. I feel broken and feel like I'll never be able to be really whole. I'm struggling but keep holding onto "one day at a time". Lots of wisdom in those words. Sometimes (today) it is one hour at a time. Everything around me feels completely unreal. I miss my home. I miss my dogs. I miss my H (not the WH). I miss my family. I miss my routine. I miss my LIFE.

Which is why reading threads like yours are helpful. At a time when hope feels like torment, it is good to find it in the lives of others.

Hi miriam

You're welcome! And thank you! Yeah, it's been quite an adventure!

I remember last year before exposure and before MB came into my life--I felt like my life was over, I wouldn't be able to go on without H--well, I KNEW I would go on, but there was no joy in it at all. Everything was terrifying. The world was big and scary and so empty! Even the sunshine seemed to be mocking me.

It really sucks because you feel like you have lost your identity.

I searched for help on the internet every day. I ordered a lot of books from Amazon with a lot of different advice. I found MB and started reading here and also at a mid-life crisis site because I felt like mid-life crisis had a lot to do with it. Well, I had to ditch that site! There were people on there whose spouses had been having an affair (or affairs) for over TEN years!! Some of them were just sitting around waiting for it to be over.

I knew I wasn't going to make it 10 years...nor did I WANT to be in that situation. So I stopped going there and kept coming here.

A lot of people posted, talking about recovery with or without your SO. I wanted it to by WITH my SO, of course! But after exposure and he was still doing stupid things like bringing his girlfriend to the first hearing...I was glad to go to Plan B, even though I didn't really want to.

And now? Well, I'm not angry but he won't sign the insurance check so I can get the meter box and the roof fixed so I don't end up with a fire or without electricity. That's not very nice. But that's okay. I'm keeping the faith that the check will get signed and I'll be able to get things fixed!

Oh, I'm rambling, aren't I?

LOL!

You will get there. Just keep on truckin'!! And ITA with the "one day at a time!" Or one hour at a time. Yeah, I remember those days, too. When you wish the day would just hurry up and go by so you can go to bed and not think but of course sleep keeps hiding around the corner and you can't! Then when you do, there are the dreams.

I knew I hit a turning point when my dreams changed from him trying to trick me (and getting away with it) to me being powerful in the dream and saying, "NO!!"

Take care and hang in there! We're pulling for you!

Charlotte