He tried to add my FWW as a friend on Facebook. She clicked ignore and told me. My blood is still boiling. I want to really stick it to him. My thoughts have ranged from maintain NC to sending a nasty email to his myspace/facebook friends and new girlfried (according to his myspace page) letting them know what a POS he is for fooling around with married women and encouraging them to leave their husband and then still trying to contact them years later while he is currently dating someone else. What a POS!

Just venting.

As another BH who's POS OM keeps showing up from time to time, my recommendation is you do whatever will heap as much misery on his head. Exposing to his GF sounds like a good start to me.

Hello Jim,

Whatever happened to a good, old-fashioned address book?

Is there any chance you could get your FWW and yourself to deactivate your Facebook and MySpace accounts? I am working on getting my WW to deactivate hers - not that it's been instrumental in her having an affair. I just don't like her having one. I would be prepared to deactivate mine also.

Seriously, once you've had a Facebook account for a while and found everyone you wish to keep in touch with - why keep it?

thanks,

GH31

Agree with GH...

Married people don't need a myspace, facebook, or even a classmates.com membership.



Dr. Harley - "Marriage is a relationship of extraordinary care"


If she'd have dumped the facebook page a long time ago, OM wouldn't have had such an easy time circumventing NC and upsetting you. This could have and should have been avoided and your wife SHOULD HAVE and COULD HAVE undertaken to do this herself.

Sorry Jim.

BTW...the OM in our life made contact about 1 year in recovery and I sent him a nasty email. Haven't heard a lick since. His contact really didn't upset me too much as it gave me an opportunity to let him have it (albeit, only in words).

Mr. Wondering

Meant to say...

"No Contact" isn't a static statement...it's an ongoing PLAN.

I'm glad your wife turned him down and told you immediately. Commend her for this and then adapt your No Contact plan to attempt to preempt further incidences.


Another thought...early recovery is often a tough spot for a BH to really vent at his WW. You're just glad to have your family back and while your WW withdraws and finally recommits to the marriage you find yourself "plan A'ing" for quite some time. However...later in recovery...OM breaks "no contact" and you're no longer in shock nor Plan A, in this instance you need to be mindful not to jump in full LB mode. There may be a tendency to release past resentment (that you should have dealt with yourself) upon your FWW that she no longer really deserves.

Just be careful here.

Mr. Wondering

I'm not mad at my FWW at all, I am just thinking to myself whether or not it is appropriate to unleash the fury of he11 on this d-bag. I told him there would be consequences the last time that he tried contacting my FWW a year and a half ago. I'm just wondering if I should let him get away with it and just act like he doesn't exist to me and my FWW.

BTW, I am not a big fan of the facebook. I actually think it is quite stupid. She doesn't even use it to find old friends. Her stupid circle of friends just use it as a way of communicating with each other and "expressing themselves." Do I care that Sarah is in a bad mood because she had a bad day at work today? Why would anyone give a flying you-know-what, and why would you feel a need to post it on your facebook page? I know I'm under 30, but what happened to just picking up the phone or visiting someone in person if they live 15 minutes away? But, I'm not going to crack down on it either. The ignore feature will prevent the d-bag from ever attempting contact again. Plus, I have full access to it, so it isn't a threat.

Well if he knew the consequences and did it anyway, you will show you are all talk and no action if you let him get away with it.

Are you baiting me to unleash he11's fury? I'll do it.

Well Jim, I unleashed hell's fury on our OM.

If you let it go, whats to stop him trying again?

I disagree. The OP is frequently the safe object of displaced anger that is much more accurately directed toward the WS. Sometimes that anger is manifested elswhere eg family, friends, the slow driver in front of us etc....This would be in contrast to the very dangerous path between trying to save the M and dealing with his/her own anger toward the WS.

I would suggest that the reduction and eventual elimination of anger toward the OP is a healthy sign that the BS has realized the truly minimal role that these WS's play in this dance.

Again in most instances the WS is a life support system for a set of sexual organs. A truly inconsequential character.

Best of luck.

I'm just wondering why your W doesn't have her page set so people can't find her. It is an option to do that because my children have their pages set that way.

IMO, unless you carry through on your threat to him about his consequences he isn't going to get the message. Show him you meant what you said and release on him.

LC

He's dog poo.

Your wife did exactly the right thing. She ignored him and told you...effectively scraping the dog poo off.

Don't allow the poopie to be tracked around your house. Vent here (scrape it off) and go back to living well.

Minimal role?

There are exactly two people on the face of the Earth who participated in my FWW's affair. The OM is one of them.

The role the OP plays is not "minimal". It is, in fact, crucial.

Unless a WS is such a narcissist that they are cheating on you with themselves and having an MA....a masturbatory affair.

I agree 100%.....

If you let it go, he's going to think that your FWW didnt tell you and I bet he'll keep trying to get her to talk to him. They're scum.....

I agree...contact all of his stupid little online "friends" and fill them in.

Here's a nice juciy worm.

Enough bait?

""an MA....a masturbatory affair."" \:D

I remember those in high school....good times..good times!!

You can block people in facebook. I have my first X blocked - he can't see me even in a mutual friend's list. He also has me blocked so I know it works. Go to your security settings - it's somewhere in there.

I have a real problem when innocent people have to change their lifestyle to accomodate creeps. Enjoy your facebook and myspace. Don't let the POS take anything else from you.

Wasn't it you who once coined the term "wh0re bombing" back in the day on LilSis's thread? LOL

Go get him Jim so he knows you are serious!