Wahoo!!!! One year and counting!!!! Today is the day. It was a horrible time in our lives that brought us here. It had been 8 months of h3ll for both of us. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I had developed insomnia. I had lost over 100 pounds. My lovebank was at zero and at that point, I had given up all hope and told LaLa that I wanted a divorce. She was equally frustrated with our situation and wanted help. That night, while I was at work, LaLa came here and posted for the first time. That action one year ago today, after many months of struggling, finally started our recovery TOGETHER. Something I needed all along if our M was going to stand a chance of surviving.

It hasn’t been easy. There have been some bumps in the road along the way, but we have overcome them together as we had always overcome any difficulties in our life before the A. She has changed so much and worked so hard to make up for the damage that was done. I can’t imagine anyone going through this experience and not changing to some degree or another, but LaLa has done so much to be a better wife and partner that words can express how proud I am to call her my wife. Her unwavering support is what has gotten me through the past year.

So how are we doing? Well, I’m going to break this into two parts marital recovery and personal recovery.

Marital Recovery
This was the easy part. LaLa and I had a great relationship before the A. We are a perfect fit for one another. Everything from likes and dislikes to beliefs we agreed upon. We instinctively had incorporated the MB concepts in our M without even knowing what they were. We rarely fought about anything. Shoot before the A, I can’t even remember ever being angry with LaLa for more than a day in 10 years of M. For me, I think this was one of the most difficult parts of our situation. I’ve never been able to say we had a bad M pre-a and that is why it happened. It wasn’t perfect obviously or we wouldn’t have ended up here. There were cracks that could be exploited, but it was a pretty good M pre-a. At the very least it was above average, a M of trust, loyalty, respect, love and great care for one another. So once LaLa was repentant, remorseful and onboard with recovery, we naturally went back to the relationship we had pre-a.

Personal Recovery
This is where I still have issues. I’m an admitted die hard romantic. The thought that this would ever happen in our marriage NEVER crossed my mind. Infidelity was an issue that LaLa and I had discussed many times throughout our M and we promised that we would never inflict this kind of pain on one another. Those discussions were protection for me. I was well aware of my personality, beliefs about infidelity and that I would have a very hard time recovering. So when it did happen, I was floored. I still can’t wrap my brain around it at times. It came at a time when I was a happier in my life than I had ever been. It seemed everything was coming together for us. Stuffed we had planned for our entire M.

Another issue for me, is that I suffered from obsessive thoughts before the A. Almost instantly, I began to obsess about it. Literally from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep I was haunted by it. Every fight, lie and event played out in my mind like a horror movie. It has taken me a long time to get these thoughts under control. They are still there, but I’m able to keep them in the background rather than being the focus. I do still have to be very careful of what I expose myself to though. It doesn’t take much to take those thoughts from background noise to full out screaming. So I avoid the sexy pop music I associate with the A like the plague and unfortunately, I can’t read or post too much without obsessing. It’s a conscious effort I make because I don’t want to do anything that could hinder our recovery. The next part for me will be tackling the financial damage. I think this might be the final piece to solidifying our recovery. Getting our life back to the way it was pre-a.

So that’s where we stand today. Like I said, it hasn’t been easy, but we are getting there. We are working together to recover our M. Today I am happy and hopeful that one day our present day life will supersede how we got there. I am happy that I share my world with the love of my life. I am happy that I fought to save our M and family. I am happy that I have done what I needed to do to protect LaLa and our boys because in the end, their happiness is all that was ever really important to me.

Want2Stay

p.s. I can never thank those that have helped us along the way enough.

OMG, today is the anniversary of the "Great LaLa Butt Kickin' Festival"??? Where are BK and Mopers? Let's open the champagne and partay!!!

Seriously, so glad to see you guys have come so far W2S!

Mrs. W

You are on the road to getting better and better ...

I am so happy for you and Lala. You both will have such a beautiful testimony to your children about love, commitment, family, forgiveness, mercy, grace, healing, and restoration.

I could have written your post above about my own marriage with tst. And I kept thinking how this really can't be happening....I KNOW what we had was the REAL DEAL. It's still mind blowing.

Prayers of praise are going up for you and Lala today. May God continue to grow your marriage. Celebrate, my friends!

Congrats W2S and LaLa.

Go on - post another novel....

Big hugs for both of you.

I also have a verse for you today:

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)

17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

It came to mind after reading your post.

Thank you all for your kind words!

...and Mrs. W and BK... BRING IT ON, BABY!! Now we just need mopers (I MISS YOU, MOPERS!) to hop in here and the smackdown can truly begin! :twobyfour:

Seriously, though- it has been a tough year both emotionally and financially, but we have pulled so far forward in this process. The past few months have steadily gotten better, and the light at the end of the tunnel now shines all around us. We are so blessed! tst--that was a beautiful verse! You and smb have been an inspiration to so many people here, including W2S and me.

The friends we have made here have brought us so much love and support, wisdom and encouragement. We will never be able to thank all of you enough! You have played a key part in helping us restore our marriage.

But the greatest gift I have ever been given is the forgiveness of my husband. He is such a wonderful person, and I want all the people out there who are still in the fire, who are still struggling to make it from day to day, to know that with some hard work, patience and perseverance, YOU CAN MAKE IT! Love can be restored! But, you must work together and hang tough...this is the hardest thing we have ever done, but we did it together, and it was sooooo worth it!

I have never been more in love with my husband than I am today. Thank you for the roses and the beautiful card, W2S...I couldn't ask for a more considerate and sweet person to share my life with.

BTW, Mrs. W...I will think of something really BONEHEADED to say or do so that you can all have fun beating me up again! You know--for old times' sake!

Congratulations! Proof that a real recovery is pobbible!

Your [censored] hasn't been available for kicking anywhere near frequently enough missy so get to it!

Congrats to both of you, for doing the hard work to re-build a great marriage!

Thank you Mrs. W! Although you nearly gave me a heart attack that night, I owe you so much. You were able to cut through the fog where I was not. You were able to reach LaLa and help her understand how to help me heal and how to save our M. For that I will be eternally grateful.

Want2Stay

SMB & TST,

LaLa is right, you two have been an inspiration to us. Thank you so much for the well wishes.

Want2Stay

bigkahuna_mb@yahoo.com.au

BK - you've got 8,734 new emails....wise guy!

Seriously, you are a great friend. I know I can be a PITA at times. Thank you for beating this stuff into my thick skull.

Want2Stay

Mark, Pep, MFIL and KIR

Thank you for taking the time to offer your congratulations and encouragement. One thing I have noticed about this place is that even in the face of such evil as infidelity, the kindness and caring of virtual strangers on a computer screen never ceases to amaze me.

Want2Stay

Walking away from a train wreck, hand in hand. Brilliant.

All blessings upon you both.

Thanks BP! You're a giant among men. Some of your threads were so helpful in getting us to this point.

Want2Stay

AND what did W2S GET?????.....

Happy Belated Day.....

not2fun

Congratulations!!!



Ditto




:happyholidays: