Hey guys.
I’m newbie here and I just find out 14 days ago that my wife of 3 years was having and affair.

It happen like this, at 11.52 pm I recibe a phone call and somebody left a message it was a women getting beaten very bad. I hear screams and yelling the first thing that came to my mind was my wife is in trouble.

2 hours before she call me and tell me that she was taking her friend and co worker to her mother house and I though that the screaming was her friend.2minutes latter I was at the police station looking for help I play the message to the cops and they tell me that they can do nothing that they don’t know were the call originate…. the call go direct to the mail box so it was impossible to track down. finally after many screaming from me the say lets find out were your wife is, the first thing I did in from of the cops was call her job they closed at 12.30 so I have few minute left I talk to her manager and tell her what happen and ask her for her help. I ask her to call my wife friend and see if everything was ok. She say ok and to call her back in a few min.

When I call her back she tells me that her friend never was with my wife.. at that moment the cop ask her for the co worker phone # and they call her and ask her if she knew were my wife was she say yes and explain to the cops that she was in New York city with her lover she tell then the name and everything the cops ask her.. at the same time I was listen to the conversation they were speaking together with the other 3 cops. They ask me if I knew about the affair and I tell then yes. at that moment I was in shock embarrassed my dignity was in the floor they tell me to go home and deal with her in the morning as I was living the police station when she call then to tell then that she was ok .they try to call her before and left a message in her phone to call then..

Well she came back a 2.00 am , so I tell her to lets take a ride to get some coffee as we were driving I ask her were she was and she tell me that she was a her friend mother house it was can of funny she dint know I knew the true, so for the next 30 min she was telling me lies after lies, God they really learn to lie in the flight….
So I very calm “the shock was weren’t off” ask her who was OM and she star lying again and I cut her off and tell her that I knew who the man was. that I was at the police station and that I hear her friend tell the cops the true.

It was sad to look at her a that moment ,she put her head down her face was so white she star shaking and crying I ask her why ..and of course she did what she did because was my fault. I will never say that im perfect because im not. but I had been faithful to her. we have some problems before but I never cross my mind to betray her …after 12 hours talking to her that day I decide to forgive her I put some rules and I tell her the affair must finish now she promised that she never was going to see or talk to the OM again she even change her phone # and cut all communications with him. seen that day we had been trying to salvage our marriage. is been very difficult …I do love my wife very much but every day I find out a new lie. last night she go to her mother house and when she come back talk me that she go a bad news that I maybe don’t like I ask her what is the bad news she tell me that her mother buy 2 tickets to go to a concert and that she will like to go. I refuse and tell her if she like to go to the concert I will take her she not like the idea but I tell her that if she like to go is with me or nobody else.. then we star a little argument after that when she star listen to her voice mail it was my lucky star the first message was from the wife or girlfriend of the OM telling her to live him alone not to call him that he was her 3 ½ baby father and if she don’t want any problems to stop the nonsense….this poor women was in shock she never knew that….after crying and promising me eternal love..(what a joke) we go to bed and talk some more..(more lies)….

This morning before I go to work I write her a letter telling her that I love her and we going to salvage our marriage….before I walk out. I check my e-mail and hold and behold I see a mail from the OM asking her ,her new # and inviting her to the concert (remember the lie about her mother buy'n the tickes) no only she used her co worker now she is using her mother and tomorrow her sister…

Today I confront her with the e-mail the plans she make to go to the concert ..of course I don’t get any explanations right now she is in the bedroom she tell me she need some time to think..the only thing she is thinking is that she makes all this plans before she knew that he got somebody in his life. now she feel like a fool and so do I…for believing in her promises..

I’m visiting this web site for the last week reading everything I can trying for her to read some of stories here to no avail. right now I feel like death'n that my life is over my hart is broken in so many places that I don’t know what to do any more. my curse is that I love her. we have a child together but God take with him. some days I feel like taking my own life to stop this pain. is unbearable I lost over 20 pounds in 2 weeks I don’t sleep ,eat I’m filings like I going crazy every thing I do to save our marriage is going down the drain so please feel free to tell me what to do….I need help…..

Sorry for my grammar English is my second language and I’m not too good ….

Welcome. Your English is very good.

If you have been reading here, you know that the first step is Plan A, where you show her what a good husband you can be. It also includes exposure of the affair. You need to talk to the other man's partner, and also your wife's mother.

Sorry man - that's a pretty horrible and embarrassing way to find out that your W is really a WW (wayward wife).

You've only been M'd 3 years. You've got no children at the moment, I take it?

How long has this A been going on? Has your WW revealed that to you?

The other poster is correct about practicing "Plan A" at this point, but with such a young M and no children, I'd seriously suggest going straight to Plan D.

If I going to believe her. She says 4 months. She tells me that she sees him 5 times only…and a few Text M and some phone call..
I been practicing “Plan A” for the last week I know is to soon but I don’t see progress

Today I tell her that the A must end. And ask her to replay to his e-mail and let him know the A was over and she did that. my problem is I tell her too replay to the e-mail she don’t do it in her own I tell her to do it ..I was next to her when she sends the e-mai I guess we have to wait and see if is true…if the A is over

I don’t want to divorce her I love her and I think that will be the last thing I do if all my efforts fail to save my marriage

Please read here about exposure. You need to let everyone in your immediate circle of friends, family and work know what she is doing. The affair will stop if all of your people start making it hard on her to keep it going. I would definitely visit HER family TODAY and ask them to stop helping her ruin your marriage! They need to see you in person to see what it's doing to you. Contact the OM's wife and work on an exposure plan together. Do it all in one day. The next step is for her to write a No Contact LETTER (not an email) that you read and mail yourself to OM.

And don't believe a single thing she says. They all lie. She will have to never see him again - ever - and eventually she'll start seeing things clearly. And keep up the Plan A (being good to her, meeting all her Emotional Needs, not Love Busting).

"It happen like this, at 11.52 pm I recibe a phone call and somebody left a message it was a women getting beaten very bad. I hear screams and yelling the first thing that came to my mind was my wife is in trouble.'

Did you verify who was screaming and why? Was it your wife and was the OM beating her?

I would want to be sure my Wife was safe before working on anything else.

No we never found out who was the person. no my wife was o.k. play the message to every body that I know nobody can tell me anything I star to believe that maybe was one of her co worker doing a prank call couple of then knew about that affair or maybe was the OM..

I really don’t know I wish I did.