My husband has received an invite to his work christmas party. Only employees invited, no partners.

He works as a pilot so with a lot of young single women. I have never met any of them (he doesn't do overnights and doesn't have time to socialise at work thankfully because I'm pretty jealous) and I am seriously unhappy about him going to a party with them.

Am I supposed to let him go, when not going could possibly be harmful to his career and going would definitely be harmful to our marriage (because of my jealousy)?

Rosy,
Is this party during "work" hours or in the evening?

If it's during work hours, I don't see any reason for you to have a problem with the party. But if it's 'After-hours' I'd have a problem too with spouses/partners not being invited.

I personnally do not understand why businesses would have a party and not allow employee's to bring their partners. My H has also worked for companies that did this and I expect him not to go to a party that I'm not invited to also. It's a boundry in our marriage.
Jo

If he goes, what protections can you put in place so you feel safe about it? Can he call you every 30 minutes? Take pictures on his phone and send them to you so you can see what he's doing? Ask a coworker friend to help you keep an eye on him? Set a time for him to leave (like before the alcohol hits everyone's brains)?

Its in the evening, 9pm till 2am "cocktail party".

I was just looking through facebook photos of the people he works with (I've never met any of them so there are no friends I could call on to update me or anything). Some of the girls have really "sexy" photos as their profile pic, I wanna puke. I can't compete with a load of 22year olds all dressed up for a night out.
I'm only 29 and I look ok, but I'm a Mummy with a baby still breastfeeding who struggles to get time to shave my legs let alone go out for an evening all dressed up.

I don't think hubby is going, I couldn't stand it and I think he's ok with that. Are there really wives out there who are ok with this kind of thing?

LOL this site censors the word for a mixed drink how weird

Rosy, I wouldn't be okay with it either.

Thankyou everyone, it helps to know that others wouldn't be ok with it either. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I can't deal with stuff like this.

I empathise with your fears, but I have to ask, because it sticks out, why are you so jealous? Does he deserve it? Has he done something? Or is it just your insecurities, your own lack of self-esteem?

I ask because if it's the latter, you need to know that you are probably driving a wedge between you and your H. If you are jealous about everything, have to question him on all his activities, etc., he has probably reached a state where he simply doesn't confide in you, doesn't consider you his best friend, perhaps even feels 'if she is never going to trust me, I may as well get the benefit of doing what she always thinks I'm doing.'

Just something to consider.

I would NOT be okay with the party.

I wouldn't either. I just see a lot of excess anxiety in her posts, which is probably a huge LB for her H.

I don't see jealousy...I see an honest assessment of a bad situation.

Deal with stuff like what? Being excluded from such a large part of your husband's life, as in not being invited to social gatherings of his coworkers? There is nothing wrong with a person who has trouble dealing with being excluded from their spouse's life.

Have you read the article about Why Women Leave Men?

Has your husband?

Why? What in this post shows that he gives her reason to be jealous? That he works with young women?
My husband has received an invite to his work christmas party. Only employees invited, no partners.

He works as a pilot so with a lot of young single women. I have never met any of them (he doesn't do overnights and doesn't have time to socialise at work thankfully because I'm pretty jealous) and I am seriously unhappy about him going to a party with them.

Am I supposed to let him go, when not going could possibly be harmful to his career and going would definitely be harmful to our marriage (because of my jealousy)?
Is there more to the story than this?

She's talking about ONE party, that lasts maybe 4 hours. Four hours of her H's life. Sure, it would be great if the spouses were invited, but I've been to events where they weren't. It's just work; most people wouldn't even go without their spouses if it didn't make them look bad at work.

Where is the large part of his life she's being excluded from? She already said that he doesn't do overnights, so he's taking precautions (unlike other pilots we've heard of) to never be in another town with these women overnight. I'm sure if she wanted to, she could meet up with him at work now and again, to meet his coworkers.

What am I missing? Has he been having affairs or something?

cat, some people are cool with spouses-excluded work social functions. Others are not. She is clearly of the Not variety, which is fine. Nothing wrong with her to feel that way.

I don't think being a Not is a sign of excessive jealousy. It's a sign of someone with clear boundaries, who has no qualms enforcing them. It's called protecting the marriage, which is a MB concept, no?

Guys, you'll see that I agreed with you. All I'm trying to do is read between the lines, regarding their entire relationship - not just this party. She states "I'm a jealous person" and "he doesn't go on overnights". Doesn't anyone else see something slightly...stressed out in the way she describes their relationship? How jealous does she get? How many times does this become a big issue? Does he deserve it, or is she just so insecure that she requires him to check in with her everywhere he goes?

I was just trying to warn her that, from here, it looks like she has the potential to really LB her husband by being TOO jealous.

It's possible I'm completely reading in something that isn't there. But it's possible I'm seeing it for exactly what it is - a woman who runs a tight rein on her H because of her insecurities, and runs the risk of alienating him.

cat, in her OP, she stated that she hadn't met any of his coworkers, so my 'excluded' theory stands. How do you show up at a pilot's work, anyway? "Oh, hi honey, I was just on my way to...Boston. We were out of beans." lol.

Maybe she is too jealous. I thought the thread was about the appropriateness of spouse-excluded after-hours Christmas parties.

I would not be okay with my H going to such an event. How many times do we hear of As begin in the workplace? Add alcohol to the mix and no spouses around...no thanks.

Partying with co-workers of the opposite sex should not be tolerated.
Drinking with members of the opposite sex should not be tolerated.
Going to this party sends a message to the employer that spouse excluded parties are acceptable...he should do the right thing and either bring you...or not go. If he works for a company that would frown upon his not wanting to participate in an event that excludes his spouse, then he is working for the wrong company. Family comes first...way ahead of work.

You're right Catperson, luckily he doesn't go on overnights because he works for a company who schedule all their flights that way so nobody does overnights.
I do require him to check in with me all the time though and he does find it wearing I think although he tries to be sympathetic to my fears.

I really appreciate the input from everyone. It nice to know other people disagree with spouses exclusion from work parties like this. I feel sad for my husband sometimes that he doesn't get to do things other people think are normal, but I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about what he was doing and who he was talking to if he went.

The only way I stand a chance of meeting anyone he works with is to take a flight somewhere which I've done with my children 3 times now but there are probably 100 people at his base who he could be rostered with at any time and I can only see 2 or 3 of them on any one flight. I know he doesn't get chance to talk to them on a normal day other than briefing them on flight info and asking for coffee etc in flight, and he rarely works with the same people more than 2 days in a month so I can squash any insecurities about his job knowing all those details but the idea of this party is just so scary and unpleasant.

I know its not normal to have this level of jealousy and insecurity. I just don't know what to do about it other than making boundaries so I can stay comfortable.