I filed in the fall of 2004 and it was a very bad time. Every year in the fall since I get very depressed. This year is no exception. It affects my sleep and energy. I sometimes lay in bed at night and want my family back.

For the most part, I was fine all of 2008 (just some ups and downs). But a 3+ month bout of depression every fall is starting to wear on me.

And to top it off, I found out that my X's latest boyfriend is moving in with her. He is going through a divorce (still married) and moving in. After all she did, I wonder why that bothers me???

After 4+ years is this normal? I would like to hear some of your stories on how long it took you to recover.

I can't offer a story like you're looking for but I do have suggestions.

Since it strikes in the fall, try to get really involved in your community somehow every fall.

Bell ringing, volunteer work...try and do something that thrills you and keeps you busy at the same time.

Many people get depressed as the days roll by in the fall. It's due to the brains percieving that the day light hours are growing shorter.

When you place too much importance on the date of filing, the two events work together to pull you down.

I think you need to realize that when you filed in the fall was not the lowest point in your life. You just place to much importance on that date.

When was your D day?

Actually, I do get involved. I am head coach of my son's youth football team (I love it). I help coach the basketball team. I stay very, very active.

I do think it is a combination of things. Mostly, the divorce since it never happened before the divorce. The Holidays which I will spend alone when the kids go to Mom's. Also, my company is pulling out of Wisconsin and everyone is losing their jobs (except for me. I will work out of my home.) But that is going to be big change for me and I will be alone even more.

An easier question to answer may be when wasn't my d-day!

1995 - She had an EA with her brothers friend. It almost ended our marraige.

2000 - She had another EA with a man from work. Again, it almost ended the marraige.

2004 - She had her next EA with a guy at yet another job (she changed jobs allot). She started stalking this guy. I filed for divorce at this point.

Right after I filed, she got a new boyfriend it and went physical immediately.

During the EA's she would become very defensive and not talk to me at all. She would either refuse to go to counseling or go and just lie about everything she was doing. She would tell me I was a rotten husband and father (and I wasn't). But, I started to believe it...

Really, my biggest problem is I let her do these things to me. And each time she did it, I just tried harder to be a better husband. I really feel that by the time I filed, my self-esteem had been shattered.

I am sure I will snap out of this as I always do. It just sucks when I am in the middle of it.

Have you talked with a medical provider about this? You may find that an SSRI (anti-depressant) may help you a great deal.

-Epictitus

I'm sorry you are feeling like this Keith. I think if you just talk to God and ask him to ease the feeling of loneliness it might make it go away sooner. Give it to God.

Sorry to hear about your company.

Ronda

Ronda,

Thanks.... I know I will pull through it again because I have before and it always hits this time of year. I also never dealt with depression until the divorce so I know it is situational. So I just tell myself to buckle down, stay busy and fight through it.

But I have also learned not to internalize it. When things bother me, I go talk to my close friends (that includes MB).

I have a great buddy that I met in DivorceCare and his x left the same time mine did. She also stepped out several times over the years like mine did so we have some things in common. We spoke last night and he is very down right now also (and it has been 4+ years for him also).

What really bothers me is that my kids notice that I am very quiet. My 18 yr old daughter talked to me about it the other night. It is tough to answer to a child without giving too much away. But also, I don't want to just tell her nothing is wrong when she can see that something is. I just let her know that the divorce gets me down from time to time and I work on it. (I left it at that.)

I will be fine... just gotta keep moving.

Keith

Keith,

You're a smart man and a great dad. I have no doubt that you'll be fine. Someday you'll meet the woman of your dreams and all of this will be far behind you. Like you said you just need to fight your way through the bad days and rejoice in the good days.

HUGS!
Ronda