This morning, WW tried in vain again to change my mind, trying to blame me for the emotional and financial he\\ that she is about to go thru with trying to file a D. I told her that I have chosen marriage as my course and again, I cannot control what others do in their life, that's up to them.

I know from here the struggle to continue to do the right thing just gets that much harder, but it's the path I have chosen. I will stay the path as long as I can. I will let my family, friends and God support me along the way.

Thank you all so much for being patient with me and helping me finally get into Plan A. I'm sorry I haven't been such a great listener, but I feel like I've come a long way in the 2.5 weeks I've been here. I'm actually starting to think a lot more clearly than I originally had.

Hopefully WW can escape the fog before she makes too many mistakes, I will continue to pray for us.

Blitz

Hold the course.

Thanks for the advice TheRoad.

Funny, she just called me, she must be getting desperate. She doesn't understand my commitment to the marriage when she doesn't want it. She threatened to have me served with a divorce. I told her I'm remaining on my course of marriage.
I guess it just keeps getting better. I am no longer afraid when I chose to let go and continue with Plan A.
Thank you again.
Blitz

Her head is spinning. She's no longer in control. You are. Keep up the good work.

Thank you so much princess. I will not stray from my path. I am a new man and I feel so good about it. There is nothing that I fear with this process anymore. MB has shown me the path and it's up to me to follow it without any fears.
Did I mention I've lost 40 pounds? I can't wait to lose another 30 or so. My new lifestyle feels so good, I wished I had taken it on years ago.
Thank you all!

I just read most of your story princess, I'll have to finish reading it later. I sorta cheated and skipped to the bottom about 3/4's of the way into it (my stomach is growling), what a story! Your story gives me hope. Thank you so much!
Blitz

Just remember, I didn't have MB and I pretty much did everything WRONG until the very end. There is hope, MORE hope, because you have found MB. I could have had a recovered marriage or self much sooner if I had known about MB.

Really, just pay attention, learn and implement to what the vets tell you here. You won't go wrong.

I agree Princess. Initially my head was the one spinning. Now it's a lot more level. I had to read everyone's posts a second time and especially learn that they were here to help me and not criticize me. I had to learn to calm down and not be so reactive. I also had to learn that I can only control myself and not anyone else. Ultimatums don't work, but I had to learn that for myself, no one could've told me that enough times, I had to learn the hard way. I'm a bit stubborn but I feel like I've made a lot of progress by sticking to Plan A and just doing what the others here tell me to do. Thank you for the replies.
Blitz

Blitz,

Now THAT's what I'm talkin' 'bout...

Plan A is about YOU, not WW.

Plan A is designed to make YOU a better husband and a better choice than any OM.

Plan A is examining yourself to see how you have failed to meet her ENs and what you can do to change that going forward.

Plan A is about identifying Love Busters and killing them dead so that they can no longer withdraw units from her Love Bank.

But Plan A is also about boundaries and identifying and stating what you will and will not accept from others, not just WW, but others in general as well.

And Plan A is about deciding if you want your marriage badly enough to fight for it and if you do making the saving of your marriage your focus.

Plan A is about becoming the man of her dreams so that she can see it through the fog. It is about being a beacon that helps her find her way home and it is about refusing to let yourself be gaslighted into believing what is not true and doing what you don't want to do, namely, giving up on your marriage before YOU say it is done.

If you reach the point of KNOWING you have done EVERYTHING you could have done to save it and it just isn't going to happen, not based on what she says, but based entirely on what you KNOW, then you can move along with your life, leaving her behind and KNOW that you have done all that you could.

Now THAT is a PLAN!

Mark

Excellent Mark, I am still trying to work my way thru her fogspeak, but she repeats herself so much, it's not too difficult. I imagine she will be over here tomorrow as she does every Saturday. I won't budge, she will finally see consistency. She's in a tight spot right now and she believes the only way out is to bribe, plead, beg, etc. me into a no contest D. I won't hear of it. I am in no hurry and I will wait for my W to return to our M. If she breaks out of the fog and a couple of months go by and she still isn't doing anything, that's a different story, but I'm willing to wait another 6 months at least. Maybe longer. I'm hoping to find the woman I married 7 years ago somewhere inside of her. I will take it one day at a time and stick to Plan A. I read Plan A almost daily, so as not to forget it.

Thank you Mark for not giving up on me, you are a savior to me. Thank you so much.

Also worth noting, I have contacted the Pastor that married us and he will see us both. I know he can't work miracles, but I firmly believe that saving our marriage is a priority for him. He agreed to meet with us as early as 10 days, because of the holiday next week he wasn't available immediately. W wouldn't commit to seeing him, but I think she may change her mind. Her family has stated multiple times that they think we should meet with him and I would agree. I would like us to eventually get back to church on a weekly basis. I think he can get thru to her and break her from this fog, but for now, 1 day at a time.

Blitz

I like to talk a lot, so you will see more updates from me going forward. I like to talk to people that know the situation and can make comments if they chose.

This week, I put up the Christmas Tree, something I have never done and WW has always done. Last year I didn't even take part in it, I let her do it alone (looking back it was a mistake), but I put it up and decorated the home with Christmas items we have.

Today I'm going to go wash one of the dogs on my own, again, something I've never done. I'm taking one of them to the a special place that has tubs for dogs and I will wash one of them. I'll wash the other one tomorrow, they are medium to large dogs so I can only handle one at a time.

Being alone isn't so bad, I have family close and lots of friends, most of whom are married. I have enjoyed my time alone, but do miss the company of WW, when our relationship was in it's prime. I will work my hardest to be the man that WW wants to be with, instead of OM. I will keep my head up daily, 1 day at a time.

Blitz

Good grief. Over what period?

What is that as a percentile?

Have you consulted a dietitian or a personal trainer?


New topic:
When she talks divorce. Dismiss it quickly with something like:
"You do what you gotta do. Wonderful to hear your voice. What news?"

The moment the conversation begins even HINT at flagging. Say that you got to go. Tell her quickly that you miss her stacks. The goodbye already. Capiche. Be positive and dynamic in the time you have available with her.

LOL, sorry, I should've said that was over a period of 5 to 6 months. I started the diet with her back then but then I didn't follow it up all the way. Back when this all started, I figured the best way to start my immediate changing into the person I needed to be was to stick to the diet and not waver from it again. It's a healthy diet, mainly chicken and only diet soft drinks, i cut the chocolate and sweets, my biggest problem food.
Don't worry imagine, I am doing everything in a healthy manner, this isn't loss of appetite, I like food way too much for that to happen. Without being specific, I should probably weigh in close to 195 for my height and weight and age. Did not mean to alarm you.
What is flagging and stacks? I'm not familiar with those terms. I found out that SAA has come into today, just have to go and pick it up, will get it first thing tomorrow morning. I'm very excited to get SAA!!!!

Amplified courtesy of the MB thesaurus service!

No interaction today except for a phone call around 3pm or somewhere around there. She called to ask if I was at home, so she could come by and see the dogs. I stated I wasn't and she asked if I was coming home anytime soon. I kept the conversation brief and didn't tell her where I was. I told her I wasn't coming home anytime soon, that I had church tonight so I was going straight there from where I was. She has keys to our home, so she could go by it even if I wasn't there. Not sure why she feels the need to have me present other than the fact that I don't trust her with the financial stuff.

She sounded extremely depressed, quite the mood change from the other day of threats and demands. I sounded quite upbeat, but forgot to tell her I missed her, per imagine's advice. I told her I had to go after our brief minute or two conversation and I went ahead and told her goodbye. It doesn't look like she came by our house, so maybe she just wanted to see what I was up to, I don't know. A bit strange. I won't over analyze anything, just wanted to put an update.

Oh and btw, I received SAA today in the mail. I'm already 40 pages into it and hope to knock out at least 20 more before bed. Wow, what a good book so far, just tough to read it as it relates to our situation, so much of it so similar so far.
Blitz

WW is a no show (called in sick) at work today. Tried to call her, no returned calls. Just wanted to make sure she was ok. Is it wrong that I show some concern? I want to make sure she doesn't slip into a depressive state. I mean, I will stand my ground with Plan A regardless, but her well being is always a concern. Just from her overall mood when I talked to her yesterday, didn't sound good. Anyways have a great day.

Blitz

Any chance you could take a drive to OM's house and see if she is there?

I mean,, 22 pages of thread and you've yet to determine whether there is a PA going on or not. You must have the patience of a saint!

That's where I'd be looking.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I can't go by there, I work too far away. OM's place is next to where she's staying, besides. Not much for her to walk next door. I will say she does get quite sick when she's stressed and nervous and she got pretty sick a week or two ago when I dropped some news on her she didn't want to hear.
As you may or may not know, this past Thursday I spoke with her and let her know I wouldn't be getting a D, that basically I was working on our marriage. Originally I had verbally agreed to a no contest D but later I've changed my mind and stuck with my new plan. This was definitely something she didn't want to hear, I threw a wrench in her fantasy plan. She has been begging and pleading with me to go with a no contest D and I've refused. She's in a tight spot now and I believe she knows I won't be changing my mind again, since all of her threats and begging didn't work on Friday when she tried.

Your WW is in an A. I strongly suspect a physical affair.

Things are not going to get better until the A ends. I see you bouncing around between plans, doing things 1/2 way, etc. That's ok, it happened to most of us.

For your marriage to recover, the affair has to end. There are several ways to facilitate ending an A, but you have to know what you're up against first, and you don't appear to.

Do you have access to her cell phone records? Who is she calling all the time? That's your man. I would suspect it is in fact the OM that you suspect, but it could be another. In any case, this guy is not a "friend" and if he is the OM, he will lie until it is undeniable, STOP talking to him. Nothing good is going to come from it now, either he is not the guy and is telling the truth, or he is the guy and he is not going to tell the truth. He's of no more use to you either way.

You need to do some snooping to get the truth so you can begin to effective attack the A. Right now you aren't able to effective apply pressure because you don't know where to apply it! The longer it takes you do implement this 'stick' of Plan A, the worse off you are going to be.

Think. SOMEBODY knows something. Who knows? Perhaps a friend of hers that she has recently fallen out with? Perhaps because she didn't agree with WW's actions? A girlfriend? Perhaps the ex of OM? Perhaps the A was the REASON for thier divorce?

You need to know the truth so you can effectively implement a plan.

Sorry you are here.

Thanks Tyk,

I appreciate the advice. I'm going to abstain from posting for about a month and continue with Plan A. I'll let you all know how it goes. I'll check in weekly in case I get any PM's. I appreciate the help and I will continue to work on finding out what's going on. Thank you all.
Blitz