This is what Catperson said to me earlier...

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, or think. And I know it feels like your being targeted. Believe me, I felt that way a lot here in the last month...but it made me see the truths I didn't want to see...

Hun, I believe earlier you said you gave your first husband everything you had too...You need to ask yourself if you are being honest with them in telling the Significant Other the way you feel. I know I didn't. My husband said the same thing to me..."I'm not going to change for anyone, why should I?" He's been so selfish...how could I want to go back right???

Originally posted by Novembergirl: Does any of this feel familiar?
Your not alone H4C, but you shouldn't have to feel that way...There are a lot of people in here that can, and will give you very good advice. Some of it you might not want to hear, a lot of it hurts to read. and yes, there are those "chosen few" who like to rub salt into open wounds. Choose to ignore them, and just work on getting you back to who you used to be.

People here are saying that your 2nd marriage was "wrong" b/c it began on dishonest terms. How do you trust someone when your relationship began as an affair? How do you ever put out of your mind the fact that you both were married yet not being faithful to each other (even if emotionally). It sucks that you were committed and had learned from your mistake the first time. It sucks that you have children that will go through this. Yet, I am sure that your 1st husband and his 1st wife were not exactly blissful to get their marriages ended. We reap what we sow.

Well I didn't say I gave my 1st H everything. I didn't care enough to even try. That might be a wrong attitude but it was a marriage that never should have happened. Young and thought having a child together meant we should be married.

I am really tired of this thread becoming about how our relationship started. Yes we were wrong. But 8 years of wedded bliss accounts for something.

He did bring me flowers, he would rub my feet, he would tell me on a daily basis how much he loved me. It was an incredible marriage for 8 years. I don't understand why it had to end. How do we change our expectations of our mate? How can you go from loving everything they do to hating every breath they take. I am guilty of that to. But what started first??? My heart turned cold when he started questioning everything I did and why I did it. I didn't go out. I worked at home. For 8 years that is. It was all good until I needed to add friends to my life. When I wanted more then being locked at home with the kids 24/7. I didn't want independence. I wanted a life. A life that included him every step of the way. That didn't work for him. He questioned why. I wasn't asking too much. I know that now and I will never accept anything less. I can give all my heart to someone and still be me. That has to be good enough. My lightbulb moment was when the counselor told him to get past it or move on. It wasn't right then that I had the lightbulb moment. It was when I realized what his choice was.

I just want help on how to heal from this and move on. I don't want to dwell on how it all began. There wasn't any form of infidelity. If there was then I don't know about it. I don't think so, but I will never say never. I am getting real with myself and my life.

Living one day at a time. Learning I can stand on my own two feet and be okay. It's getting easier. I look forward and not back. I am controlling me and my future and feeling stronger every day.