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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 13
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 13 |
Thank you, Queenie, for taking the time to dialogue with me in my time of need. God is so good as He brings special people into our lives at just the right time...the time we are in desperate need of being heard and cared for.
I think you would make a wonderful counselor. Have you ever thought about that???
Blessings to you, Sister.
BW 58 (me)
WH 56 (him)
OW 46
Freshly wounded. WH abandoned marital home.
Request prayers for restoration of M.
Columbia, MO
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Joined: Jun 2007
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LOL, Oh Sad I would make a horrendous counselor. I am too easily duped and let me own crap get in the way of really helping people.
But thank you kindly.
FWIW, I have a social work degree as well.
So see you tomorrow and let's see if the vets haven't chimed in a helped you formulate your next steps.
In the meantime....I always found talking to G-d the safest, soundest thing I could do when my world was torn asunder.
Sleep well and talk to you soon,
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Over the 9 years I have been with him, he has abused me emotionally (mostly), physically (rarely), verbally (constantly). Him asking you to send $$$ while he is with OW is more abuse. I don't knowingly give advice on how to save an abusive marriage. Sorry. I hope he divorces you and abuses OW instead of you !
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Me too, Pep.
I suggest a very quick, dark Plan B. Once he relies on the OW for all of his needs, he will start abusing HER.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
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Posts: 8,344 |
I just found out about his affair a few short weeks ago. I'm very raw right now. He already moved out knowing we can't afford 2 households. He earns 2X as much as I do, but his pre-marital debts and past marriage child support take a huge chunk. Still when we made up our separation budget he is only $100 in the hole while I am $ 400 + in the hole. However, due to original automatic deposit from his paycheck into our jt. acct. when we were living together, married, he is now demanding that I write him a check for almost $500 b/c now there isn't as much JOINT costs since he is living on his own! He justifies by eliminating from our prior jt. acct. the cost of his separate food, misc. , etc. costs that use to come out of our jt. acct, plus his $450 rent. I live in Missouri and don't know if I have the right for spousal support. He is emailing constantly wanting a check from me this week-end! I am putting him off b/c I can't afford a lawyer to find out what my rights are. He says he doesn't want a divorce, but just wants a permanent separation. Obviously, he is spending a lot of his $$ on seeing the OW who lives over 200 miles away.
I would so appreciate a veteran's advice on what I should do. I want to save our marriage. Just read Dr. Dobson's book: Love Must Be Tough, and see this as the needed crisis. Don't want to blow it by being harsh or too demanding.
Thanks you. Three words: Dream on Klingon. ...and I DON'T mean the kewl Worf kind of klingon.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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I don't knowingly give advice on how to save an abusive marriage.
Sorry. I hope he divorces you and abuses OW instead of you ! Thank you Pep, that's what I thought. And am I also correct in my thinking that the Harley's advise against Plan A when there is abuse involved? How are you doing today Sad?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 13
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 13 |
You're up early today, Queenie...I woke up this morning realizing the my WH probably won't ever contact me out (other than for $$ or something from the house)...
It is VERY hard to not feel missed....or loved....by the one who so recently APPEARED to love you.
I had a terrible panic attack in Wal-mart last night. Just seeing all the Christmas decorations...I started to buy a wreath to hang on my front door and suddenly realized that no one was coming through that front door anymore! No one except me...
Sorry, I think, this is going to get harder now that I've set my boundaries and don't call or contact him anymore.
Thanks for checking in on me, Queenie. I hoped I would hear from you again.
BW 58 (me)
WH 56 (him)
OW 46
Freshly wounded. WH abandoned marital home.
Request prayers for restoration of M.
Columbia, MO
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 13
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 13 |
Believer, I have initiated Plan B, but what do you mean by a "dark" Plan B?
I need all the help I can get right now. I just told Queenie how I realize my WH isn't even thinking bout me or missing me, especially during the Holidays.
I truly fear in his case, "out of sight, out of mind."
I know I sound weak and pathetic...but I HAVE been strong in my resolve not to call or email him all week-end.
It's hard to stop loving someone you pledged your life too.
BW 58 (me)
WH 56 (him)
OW 46
Freshly wounded. WH abandoned marital home.
Request prayers for restoration of M.
Columbia, MO
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