Hope your Thanksgiving is going okay. You still have lots to be thankful for.

It is a blessing that you and your husband were so happy in bed, and that he did early Christmas shopping.

As time goes on, you will remember the good times more and more. And you will have the peace that he was finally happy. Kind of bittersweat, but true nonetheless.

Thinking of you today, GG. I spent mine with 16 other people, so glad to still have my parents and an intact FOO. I hope you had a good meal with your family too. (HUG)

I hope you find some comfort in knowing that stories like yours force people like me to take a look around, especially at the holidays, and appreciate what I have and the people in my life.

GG - I hope you are doing ok today. You are thought of and loved by so many people. We may not be Mike but we do love you.

GG, you're not sharing too much information. I remember that for several months, maybe even a year or more after ex left I had lots of dreams where we were close and heading toward intimacy, physical or otherwise. Even though emotional intimacy was not one of ex's qualities we did know each other well after 21 years together. I was always sad when I woke up knowing it was just me and a future as a family had been thrown away.

It's still sad he was willing to toss the family but I don't have the same feelings of loss and I'm happy and working toward a future and my boys and I are a great family.

GG,
It's nice to read your posts about Mike. They are so loving.
He made a wonderful impression in your heart and that of your children. That you were blessed by his love is truly shown.

I hope you are doing well this holiday season.

You are in our prayers.

I just need to vent. A friend who's having marital difficulties told me that I had no reason to stress during the holidays. Huh? She went on to say that I should celebrate the love Mike and I had. I do celebrate it, but I'm under a HUGE amount of stress right now. Only someone who has been completely blind-sided by divorce and infidelity has a clue what this is like. This stress is from change that was thrust upon me, and I have no control over it. I have no decisions to make about the source of the stress because it's been decided for me. There's no action I can take except putting one foot in front of the other. It stinks, and I'm throwing a hissie fit. So there!

Thanks to everyone who reads this, and for everyone who still prays for me. Without your support, I'd have a much rougher time.

If your friend is not currently nursing a broken nose, I'd say you handled that very well.

Let's hope that your friend goes blithely throuth life and never has to experience infidelity or the death of a partner.

But, sweetie, that is how many people think BEFORE they have experienced this. It is just human nature.

I'm guilty myself. My dear niece went through the infidelity of her husband before I did. She was beautiful, smart, an oncology RN who taught other RN's. She had it all. Sadly, I told her to just move on, she could do much better than her husband.

When it happened to me, I was ashamed of my advice.

You have every right to be stressed. All of these things have been thrust upon you, and you don't have control. And we don't know the reason for any of it.

But you have a purpose and the Lord is walking along side of you, even when you don't feel it.

Thank you both.

And, Believer, you are so right. I have no idea what I may have said to others who lost their husbands. I hope I was considerate, but I may not have been.

I know I may not have been as understanding of those whose spouses up and leave them. The demise of my marriage was a slow, downward spiral. The separation and divorce had none of the trauma that many people experience.

You know, the interesting thing is I do feel God is with me. I'm a little peeved at Him sometimes, but my faith has not waivered; that is such a blessing. All the times in high school and college when I was almost an atheist have paid off. I know what I believe, and I can feel it in my gut.

I do know what I'm going to ask when I get to heaven. I'm going to ask God why he created death.

{{{GG}}} I wish I could do something for you. Neither of you deserved this.

GG,

I have not corresponded with you but I just spent the last 45 minutes reading your story and crying my eyes out. You are amazing in your faithfulness and an incredible mentor for someone like me. All I pray for is unwaivering faith and here you stand in the middle of the deepest sea and you are faithful. Thank you for this, that you can wail and stamp your foot and share your soul with everyone here and still have faith. That is awesome!!!

I sensed you had what I had, a first marriage that was not ever a real marriage and then an incredible gift from God with unconditional, true, soul-sharing, mutual love. I have been married 3 years and have feared he would be taken early for some reason b/c he is so wonderful.

I have said that if he was taken I'd likely not marry again, having loved and been loved so deeply....you said this same thing.

You are on my mind and in my heart and prayers and so, so wonderful to share with us here. I am asking for God's richest blessings on you as you walk through this valley. Hang in there and wail to God any time you need to.

LOVE!

---M

Anne,

She has no clue what you are going through and lets hope she doesn't ever have to experience it. Write it off to ignorance and nothing more...

Yes, we are all thinking of you during this time. Something I do know about you is that you have the wisdom and strength to deal with this.

I am so sorry for your loss. You have helped me many times in the past and if I could lift the pain off your shoulders and carry it, I would.

Keith

AuntieM, thank you for your thoughts. I pray your husband will not be taken early, although with some people if they go at 96 it is still too soon. My faith comes in part because I really questioned the very existence of God early in my life. If I hadn't already done that I probably would not be as rooted as I am.

Keith, Many thanks for your thoughts.

Today was bad. I decided to go to bed without taking Ambien last night. I didn't sleep well at all, and a horrible nightmare woke me up at 3:30. I caught about 45 minutes this morning but am running on little sleep. You'd think 4 weeks later I'd be able to sleep without pills, but I think it will be a while.

Greengables, I don't know you as I've just newly joined again after several years absence - but I just wanted you to know that I'm sitting here, tears streaming down my face, just wanting to give you a big hug. I am so sorry for your loss - so sorry.

Four weeks is not long. You are doing well. Don't be so hard on yourself.

GG, you are doing exactly what you need to be doing right now. Every feeling you have is valid, and needed to help you through this.

It's amazing to read the impact you have on new posters. I know first hand the impact your wisdom had on me and I believe that the wisdom and compassion you have gained over the years will help you through this.

You have many people holding you close to their hearts and in prayer.

May God continue to bless you and your family.

Thanks for the compliments, Newly.

GG, you may not know me, I come in and out of here from time to time and don't come to the After Divorce forum at all. But I just saw the reference to M's passing in a thread over at EN, did a search, and found this.

I am so very, very sorry... life can be so unfair sometimes and it's hard to understand why bad things happen to good people. You sound like you are strong, though, and you and your girls will find a way to get through it. {{GG}}

Soolee posted:
I couldn't have said that any better. It takes something like this to force us to step back, look at the bigger picture, and appreciate what life has to offer.

GG,

I have some issues with insomnia, though it's my thyroid. I just wanted to mention that I also have to take something from time to time, though I take Tylenol PM caplets. What I found was that a full adult dose made it very hard for me to function until about 2 pm the next day. It was kind of like a hangover, to tell you the truth.

With a little experimenting, I came to the realization that 1/4 of an adult dose did the job and made it a lot easier to function in the morning. You might want to think about trying to downsize when you feel ready to do that.

Hope you're doing okay. You're in my thoughts.

Thanks for the advice, Soolee.

I saw my doc yesterday, and he told me not to quit taking hte Ambien, plus he added a low-dosage anti anxiety pill, and I have to go back in 3 weeks. He also told me not to comfort eat or worry that I should be eating right now. LOL. Apparently, he's all for taking advantage of the widdow diet.