Thanks. I am ready to start healing this thing now. WW was PO'd pretty bad this morning when she found out. I was going to tell her today but OMW called her instead. I wasnt going to keep it from her, but oh well.

She has been playing the victim. How could I do this to her, blah, blah, blah. She actually told me I broke her trust and she would never forgive me. lol. This is a really big LB, and that made me nervous since I am trying to avoid LB. I guess this one is the exception. She doesnt really want to see me right now. What should I do tomorrow? Take the kids over and be really nice, or just stay at home?

What's my next step? What do I need to do?

I have HNHN coming in the mail any day now and SAA is the one I am looking for currently.

Thanks guys

ETA:

Oh yeah. When she told me about the affair, she told me that if I told OMW then we would never get back together. At first I believed it and then I learned better. Today she has brought that back up and said it is all my fault that we cant be together, I was selfish, etc...

All I told her is that I cared enough about her to risk it. That I didnt want to see her as a booty call for this guy and that it was a risk I was willing to take.

Good job. They always say the same things on exposure - it was none of your business, we are just friends, how could you hurt the OP's spouse, you have gone too far, I would have worked on the marriage, but now I won't, you are crazy, and my personal favorite - "I will never trust you again".

Hang in there.

That is what I liked about this site when I came, everything was so dead on. It was like looking at a roadmap and seeing the landmarks as I drove by.

Rusty,

just a quick note -

the more conflict and backlash you received from the exposure can mean the more damage to the affair. And you cannot repair the marriage without killing the affair. One of the reasons exposure is counterintuitive.

OMW said that whenever he had his first A, that she was able to kill it and start moving forward immediately. When caught, he confessed everything and all that.

He is too afraid of loosing all his stuff. lol. That was even what he said when he halfway broke up with my W Sunday night and was always his excuse for not leaving his W for my WW. Just to "be friends" and maybe get together occassionally. Well, the exposure to his wife put the brakes on being friends. She broke his 2 week old iphone and is changing his number.

OMW got the maddest that OM brought WW to their home to have sex. She even asked questions that I had asked my WW about her behavior. Like how could she look at OMW pictures on wall and still do it. Stuff like that.

WW seems to be cooling down a little already. She is actually half way talking to me a little without cursing the whole time.

I guess I will just see what happens now.

You have done the best that you can to save your marriage. Your wife will be angry, but the marriage can survive the anger much easier than an affair.

Rusty, this is a partial re-post, as I might have been a little early with it first time around...and I have made a couple of changes for where you are now.

This is where I recommend you stay lovingly detached from your WW's chaos.

Try to fill her needs, without expecting one thing in return (yeah, it's totally unfair, but part of the Plan), do NOT allow her to draw you into arguments (which she'll go out of her way to do) and remain available to her for any conversation she may initiate about moving forward in a positive manner.

The next few days will be extremely awkward. It's like being forced to hang out with someone who doesn't want you around. Try not to smother her, but show her that you are concerned for her "state of mind" and available to talk. You might even fix her favorite food for her or order in her favorite delivery. Try to instill some normalcy in the relationship, and make those things something she enjoyed in the past as part of a thriving marriage. Still, expect nothing from her in return!

By you being in charge of your own emotions, you have some control over the circumstances, even though it doesn't always feel like it. To become completely reactive to your WW's chaos leaves you zero control. In this withdrawal period, she'll be up and down in horrendous mood swings, just like giving up meth or heroin.

Stay the course...

she thought I was crazy earlier when she said something hateful and I said "I'm sorry you feel that way, want a potatoe chip?"

I actually felt crazy saying it. But laughed later. I might bring her lunch to her mom's tomorrow. Sounds like a good idea.

Well, I took her to lunch today. Definitly still upset. We did talk about my meeting with OMW today and I told her some stuff like they were starting to work on starting a family. She started getting really mad at OM the more lies she uncovered about him.

A couple Q,

How long should she be upset with me?

She said that more than being mad, she felt betrayed and that I broke her trust. I thought that was kinda weird. Does she really feel this way? Will she forgive me? I kept telling her I was NOT sorry for doing it. I had to do what I had to do.

That is hilarious! And another CLASSIC WS fogbabble statement. Be sweet and tell her "yes, you can trust me to not cover up your affair."

You did VERY GOOD passing on things the OMW told you because it will cause great conflict in the affair. Just do it in a way where she does not feel you are ATTACKING HIM. If she feels you are attacking him, she will defend him, and you want her focused instead on his lies.

And yes, she will forgive you once the source of her high is removed and she sobers up. In fact, hopefully some day she will be in recovery and she will be horrified she said that to you!

SEe how effective it is to be in touch with the OMW? She can be your greatest ally against the affair if you continually keep each other informed.

I LOVE your idea of taking her to lunch today. Keep doing things like that whenever you can!

You are doing great, Rusty!!

What happens if OMW just leaves him?

That probably won't happen. Hang in there.

Please help me understand...I am new to this...Is OMW the actual "other woman?"

the reason I ask is b/c I have wanted to talk to my WH other woman to see what she is really thinking and feeling.

do you think this is wise or pure stupidity on my part?

Do I look like MAdame Cleo, Rusty???

okok, at least I didn't ask if you wanted a potato chip! If she leaves the OM, then he will be obsessed with getting her back and that will cause further conflict in the affair. But I can only guess because I do not have psychic powers.

OK. I was just wondering how it usually works out when OMW leaves OM. I wondered if he would then attempt to try to get his W back, conflicting with the A, or what.

Guess I will just see how it goes.

wow, I sent a txt message to OMW today letting her know that WW would be working one day on his shift and that I would be there to help her out and all and she was really mean about it. She told me she didnt need any help and all that and to never contact her again. WTF!?!?

WW sent a txt message to OM yesterday telling him how betrayed she felt by his lies and all but that is it. They have not communicated back and forth at all since Friday morning.

WW had to go to the hospital this morning because she showed signs that he might have given her an STD.

Can things get any worse? lol.

That could be from the OM!


I would send the OMW a text and tell her something like this:

"it is important that you get tested for STDs because your H has given WW an STD. She went to the hospital this morning. Please call me to confirm you got this message and it wasnt intercepted by your H"