|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Rusty, I have seen BS's who were hostile to the other BS and it always puzzles me greatly because is so wrongheaded and cruel. They seem to overlook the fact that the BS is the victim. But you are dealing with someone who loses all reason and sometimes they blame the messenger. At least she knows where to reach you.
How about texting her with this then:
"I won't bother you again, just know I will be here if you want to compare notes. WW went to the ER this morning because she believes she has contracted a STD from your H. Please get yourself tested!"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
I sent the txt. Also learned how to check her call log online so I can be sure there is NC. So far, he hasnt talked to her since Friday morning.
My MIL and her H are concerned because she has shown no signs to them or told them about wanting to fix our M. I tried to explain tho them that she wont be that way right now but they don't understand. They think our M is doomed because she shows no interest in fixing the M. I dont know what else to say to them.
So, right now I should be avoiding LB and trying to meet as many EN as I can right now. Is that all?
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I sent the txt. Also learned how to check her call log online so I can be sure there is NC. So far, he hasnt talked to her since Friday morning.
My MIL and her H are concerned because she has shown no signs to them or told them about wanting to fix our M. I tried to explain tho them that she wont be that way right now but they don't understand. They think our M is doomed because she shows no interest in fixing the M. I dont know what else to say to them. Rusty, she is still addicted to the OM so she wouldn't be expected to show interest in the marriage YET. She is still hoping that her affair is alive. I am more hopeful today than I was last week! It is FAR from over...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
So, right now I should be avoiding LB and trying to meet as many EN as I can right now. Is that all? YEP! Look for opportunities to romance her. You will have more and more opportunities as the affair crumbles.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
Thats what I keep telling them. I should spend as much time with her as I can, right?
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Thats what I keep telling them. I should spend as much time with her as I can, right? absolutely!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
What do we do about the WW family members who are encouraging her selfish behavior?
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What do we do about the WW family members who are encouraging her selfish behavior? Get voodoo dolls with their names?? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
Should WW mom contact WW father and have a few words with him? WW mother is trying to help fix this with me and all but WW father and his W are encouraging the selfish behavior. Telling WW to think about herself, make herself happy, etc... Not thinking of the kids or anything else.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959 |
Should WW mom contact WW father and have a few words with him? WW mother is trying to help fix this with me and all but WW father and his W are encouraging the selfish behavior. Telling WW to think about herself, make herself happy, etc... Not thinking of the kids or anything else. I would say it depends on the relationship. If WW's mom is in tight with and can influence him, yeah, maybe so. However, a brief man to man talk between you and him might be more effective.. Keep up the good work...
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
Should WW mom contact WW father and have a few words with him? WW mother is trying to help fix this with me and all but WW father and his W are encouraging the selfish behavior. Telling WW to think about herself, make herself happy, etc... Not thinking of the kids or anything else. I would say it depends on the relationship. If WW's mom is in tight with and can influence him, yeah, maybe so. However, a brief man to man talk between you and him might be more effective.. Keep up the good work... WW mom and dad have only talked a couple times in the past 20 years. They hate each other. I cannot talk any sense into them either. They are incourageable. They told the WW today that she should just split from mea dn to not work on the marriage. All that stuff. They are driving me crazy. The WW I can deal with, them I cant.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
Well, last night the WW told me that she is still very mad about me exposing to OMW(her dad and them re-lit the fire).
She said we need to live seperate for a year and work on ourselves and then she can see if I really changed. Really? Just me change? Her dad and them gave her these suggestions. She needs to be independent right now. Thats even the sig line on her txt messages. Ms. Independent.
Is this the fog and withdrawal talking? Is this what I should be expecting? Or is this something else?
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554 |
Well, last night the WW told me that she is still very mad about me exposing to OMW(her dad and them re-lit the fire). How did you respond? Did you let her know that you were sorry that her feelings were hurt, but it was something that needed to be done because of her choice to engage in adultery? She said we need to live seperate for a year and work on ourselves and then she can see if I really changed. You could let her know that you're sorry she feels that way, and that you'd much prefer to remain as a M'd couple living as a M'd couple. Then, ask her when she plans to move out, and make it very clear that (1) she will be expected to keep up payments for any joint expenses (e.g. mortgages), and (2) you will not let yourself be held liable for any expenses related to her independent lifestyle (e.g. rent). Finally, if she insists that she needs to move out for a year, I suggest proceed to D on the basis of adultery (if possible). IMO I think your WW has a mondo sense of (false) pride that's just taken a significant hit, and she's trying to build it back up by trying to pass the blame for her feelings to other targets (and you are the easiest one to hit). Her mum and dad sound like real pieces of work, BTW. Now you know who she learned her blameshifting techniques from.
ManInMotion
===========
(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
Well, last night the WW told me that she is still very mad about me exposing to OMW(her dad and them re-lit the fire). How did you respond? Did you let her know that you were sorry that her feelings were hurt, but it was something that needed to be done because of her choice to engage in adultery?- Yes. Thats exactly the way I did.She said we need to live seperate for a year and work on ourselves and then she can see if I really changed. You could let her know that you're sorry she feels that way, and that you'd much prefer to remain as a M'd couple living as a M'd couple. Then, ask her when she plans to move out, and make it very clear that (1) she will be expected to keep up payments for any joint expenses (e.g. mortgages), and (2) you will not let yourself be held liable for any expenses related to her independent lifestyle (e.g. rent). - She moved out the day the affair turned physical and moved in with her mom. She is already paying all her own way. Wasnt really hard because she was the main breadwinner of the family.Finally, if she insists that she needs to move out for a year, I suggest proceed to D on the basis of adultery (if possible). IMO I think your WW has a mondo sense of (false) pride that's just taken a significant hit, and she's trying to build it back up by trying to pass the blame for her feelings to other targets (and you are the easiest one to hit). Her mum and dad sound like real pieces of work, BTW. Now you know who she learned her blameshifting techniques from. - Her mom is heping me. Her dad is the cause of LOTS of problems for her.Will this pass or what? She doesnt want to D right now and the A has died for the time being. NC since Friday morning.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Will this pass or what? She doesnt want to D right now and the A has died for the time being. NC since Friday morning. Has your workplace exposure hit yet? Does she know about this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
Will this pass or what? She doesnt want to D right now and the A has died for the time being. NC since Friday morning. Has your workplace exposure hit yet? Does she know about this? I got the return receipt Sat. OMW said she was making him quit from there, so IDK what will happen. I did all I can do on that front.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
"I got the return receipt Sat"
Who did you send letters to at WW's work?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546 |
Human resourses, the administrator, and the head supervisor. I couldnt find anything for anybody else.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Rusty, if one of them leaves the job and contact is really ended, you can expect her to start going through withdrawal. That will take a few months. So, in the meantime, you should look for opportunities to step in there and attract her back. Romance her and do your best to meet her needs. I would make no decisions on her current state of mind, because she is just like a falling down drunk.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
1 members (1 invisible),
422
guests, and
88
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,035
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
