Hi all. I don't know where in the process I am. I have been doing plan A, no contact with OW since Nov. 11th since she placed a call to WH cell phone but he did not pick up or respond. We have been working really hard together and just this weekend we went away for 2 nights, by ourselves. I thought we had a great time and we did have some long talks about our situation but there were no tears or harsh words until today. Driving home WH started to ask me relationship questions ie - am I planning to divorce etc. I told him I have no plans for that at all. I need him to make that decision as I do not want it at all. We got to talking about his childhood which was royally screwed up. His father was a cheater, his mother took it and openly fought in front of WH basically throughout his childhood. FIL also bullied and essentially took out his anger on WH (though he will not discuss if it was physical abuse.) and his mother a) allowed it to happen and b) told WH that he just had to be more mature than his father and learn to deal with it. I cannot allow my boys to repeat this. WH had sworn he was never going to be like his father. I guess you can't change genetics.

There is major depression in his family, of which WH's sister informed me of when I exposed WH to her. But she and his brother have both said they thought WH had dealt with his 'issues' before he married and had 4 children. Our eldest is 6 years old and just diagnosed with ADHD, we have 5 y/o twins and an almost 3 year old. We have had our share of setbacks in life, including a disasterous choice in job that entailed us moving from a place that WH was really happy.

WH and I drifted, despite attempts to stay close. I believe he lost the job we moved for because of his behaviours, which was basically depression. He is on medication, is supposed to go to IC but doesn't. And, when I was able to drag him in, he retreats into his thoughts and agrees to everything but does nothing that might help him or us.

Another issue for me is his temper, which flares up, mostly at our 2 sons - the one with ADHD and one of our twins. He never 'beats' them, but he does spank. But tonight he crossed a line when he hit our 6 yo on his right cheek and temple area and left marks that I took pictures of. Here I was thinking we were possibly on the road to repair and he does the one thing we did not discuss during our time alone.We weren't even home for 45 minutes!!!! And all in front of my mother and her friend who came here to watch the kids so we could get away.

I am reading this as I type and I know I need to seperate. I guess I just need a kick in the behind to do it. I had consulted a lawyer when I first found out of the affair and I am aware of the custody/visitation issues. It just hurts so much to have to do this, when I know he could be so much more of a father and husband. I swear this is not the man I married, my family agress but I don't know how to find that man again.