good question to how he works with the escorts. not sure i want to know the answer though..

he is probably addicted to "gambling" as he worked on wall street for a large brokerage firm for most of his career and still day trades. i never thought of this as gambling but it is in a way. he does not go to casino's

how have i changed? i have grown tired of always being blamed for everything. i was not the target early on. of course i would not have married him if i was being blamed for everything being wrong. i would not have married him if he had told me "ya know, i do plan on continuing with the escorts" i would not have married him if the therapist we saw had told me he was a bad risk because he has addiction's to everything. i would not have married him if he would have displayed anger towards me. or yelled at me or treated me with disrespect.

he is extremely conservative. he is very unhip. he does not drink or smoke.

looking back i see a pattern of his need to blame someone or something. it was a boss, employee, the market, a holiday, or perhaps house guest's that were the cause of something not being right. i was busy trying to make sure everything was "perfect" for when he was home or traveling.

we had an apartment in the city where he stayed during the week as our home is 40 miles outside the city and it was not practical for him to commute daily given the stress and length of his days. i went back and forth taking care of both places, again so everything was running smoothly so when he was home he could relax and read and rest.

since he has been on disability he has been prescribed many more medications and narcotics for chronic pain and is under doctor's care.

i feel who he is today is not the "he" that he was when we first married or was for the past 10 or 11 years. it has been the past 3 of 4 years that things have changed and this coincides with the time he needed to go on the medical leave. it has been challenging because the narcotics mess with his memory and he can not drive. his pain doctor has told us he has the choice of memory loss when taking the pain medication OR suffering chronic pain but having clearer memory. this is not something we dealt with years back.

I disagree. He is the same today as he was when you first married. It is you that have changed. You don't want him to go back to what he once was - because he was always that way. Maybe he just masked it for a while. Love is also blind or at the very least 20/400.

My stepfather was an alcoholic. He also blamed everyone for all his problems rather than look inward. I wonder if that isn't a personality trait of the addictive personality.

I'm a little surprised he doesn't abuse you.

BTW as people who have lost their 401Ks recently are beginning to realize, stock trading is gambling. It is all about betting you have more information or are smarter than the guy you are buying from/selling to. Stocks, in most cases, do not have any direct bearing on the value of the company being traded other than after-the-fact when the price rises or falls and hits their portfolio.

I think lack of SF is a bonus for you considering the high risk of STDs he would be placing you in.

..:twobyfour:


He is delusional or something.

Wow.


Disabled.
Depressed.
Gambler.
On narcotics.
Chronic pain.
Psych problems.


And....before you found out he was seeking prostitutes and cheating on you, you were considering having a child with this man???????


I'm wondering why you had cameras in your house.


SB

Sorry to tell him this but these are NO EXCUSE for immoral choices. His hiring of a whore for a little entertainment was a choice. It wasn't an accident!



I think the whore may have been overpaid.


I don't think I would go through with it. But, I'm not you.


Well, he sure wasn't thinking with the head on his shoulders. Seems it doesn't work - and the other one may not work either.


Save it for your attorney, should you decide to divorce him.


Yup, the waywards do like to deflect guilt.


I might to some people initially. You know, some of these stories told around here are great for shock value when outsiders get nosy.

schoolbus, the camera's are all positioned outside, installed for security. we live in a rural area and when future ex was working he was gone a lot. i liked being able to see who was coming up our drive or at the front door. they were in addition to our alarm system and also kind of fun to watch wildlife visit our backyard.

future ex has a daughter, my stepdaughter, who i am close to. i am not sure how to best handle the issue of how to explain my side of things. i am not comfortable with telling her, although she is an adult, the reason i want out. but if i say nothing i know he will tell her a load of garbage where he will be the innocent angel i kicked to the curb. but how do you tell a daughter her father hires prostitutes? is it fair for her to hear this about someone she respects and has become a part of his life?

she is not the child of him and his ex. he found out about the daughter when she was 15 years old. he never knew her mom had gotten pg until the mother told him at a year class reunion that he was the father.

i have heard him in the past give his daughter his side of an incidence or two that was, from my vantage point, not even close to what really happened.

with history repeating itself i feel he will do the same to me as he did to the first wife. he painted her in a very unpleasant light with him being the husband who tried and tried to make their marriage work. i expect he will do the same to me.

i have no idea if the ex knew about what he was doing. but his family all bought his side of the story. isn't is time they see/learn the truth?

i don't think you should beat yourself up for being fooled. and i understand you beleaving his past actions were exactly that "in the past" and that he was remorseful for them

most of us are here because we were either fooled, blind to, or in denial of what our spouses were doing.

""""""isn't is time they see/learn the truth?""""""""

YES, whether you stay in or D exposure of the truth should be mandatory. i say get all the cards on the table and THEN play the game.

from what you have said of course he will fictioalize some farce and blame you. it's been his nature with everything all along.

the only way you can refute his stories is to let people know the truth.

it also sounds like you have been sort of enabling him by being his scapegoat and accepting his excuses of depression and such for some time. he propably thinks that all he has to do is lay blame on you, say "i'm depressed", or "it's the meds" and he is in the clear.

i will lay pretty good odds it also happened often at his apartment in the city.

he may be or is also most likely using some form of sexual enhancment drug for his illicit adventures. which would explain why it may work for his extra curricular activities and not at home with you.

which brings me to the deal breaker for myself. the fact that he did this in YOUR home. i could never stand for that.

i don't know if D is the answer but IC for you is a must to find out the why and how you fell victim to this sort of man. and if the M is to survive IC AND MC is mandatory for him and you. he needs to be cured of this illness. unfortunately i feel it is too ingrained in his character (actually lack of) to ever change.

just be thankful you didn't go thru with the in-vetro procedure.

Perhaps, as an explanation, at the appropriate time, you might tell his daughter that you had found irrefutable evidence that her father had brought another woman into your bed and that this was not acceptable to you.

I WOULD SAVE THE VIDEO IN A SAFE PLACE! KEEP YOUR HUSBAND IN THE DARK ABOUT IT!! I WOULD SAVE ALL EVIDENCE YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON....SUCH AS COMPUTER RECORDS, PHONE RECORDS, ETC!!!!!!!

Perhaps, as a matter of self-care, you might want to check out the website for S-Anon....a 12-step group similar to AlAnon.