some text messaging
hiding
she has made herself distant to me
she has made herself distant to the marriage
she has made herself distant to the family

What in the name of all that is sensible do you call this, if not an affair? Her energies and emotions are outside the marriage.

Maybe you should do what was advised pages and weeks ago:
Get the custody situation taken care of
Expose - massive, without warning, all at once
Plan A
Prepare for Plan B, just in case

Or you could sit on your butt collecting "evidence" and spending money while she and OM just get deeper and deeper into their fantasy. Your call.

I know out of human nature when I told OMW the first time and she told me that she believed her H that she has to be looking or at least watching what OM does. I know I would.

You're still your own worst enemy. Grow some cajones and make a move. If you keep waiting for the perfect time, you'll reach the point where you don't love her any more as you watch her sneak around on you, and then there won't BE a marriage to save.

The exposure did not work the first time with OMW. She chose to belive her H. I do not think talking with her again will do any good without something to show her. She will not believe me, and I feel like I just need to leave her alone. I told her the first time hoping that she would work with me on this, and nothing. He11 for all I know OM and OMW might be swingers or something.

What move should that be? Exposure? Expose with what. My W and OM are text messaging each other. He was seen sitting in the car with my wife. All anyone will say is they are friends. Especially someone at their work. Where they work A are rampant out there. It is like a breeding ground for it. and by the way OMW still want believe me if I contact her again.

It doesn't matter what evidence you have. What matters is that your wife is not putting her emphasis on you. Even if they just talk every day, that talking should be going to you - her husband! This is called an Emotional Affair. It is just as devastating as a Physical Affair. Therefore, it has to go, just like the PA. Got it?

Make up your list, even if you've already told them, call everyone on one day - including all the bigwigs at their company, tell them that despite your efforts, she is still carrying on a 'relationship' with this man from work, and it's breaking your heart. You want your wife back, but she won't stop being friends with this other man. You don't even have to go into detail on what they are doing. People will understand what you're talking about. Not all affairs are physical.

Ask for their support. Ask them (including his W and family) to help you put pressure on them to stop the affair.

And send their HR Director and CEO a certified letter stating that if they don't do something about it, you will be suing them for participating in the A by not taking steps to stop it. THAT will make their company care. Even if a case loses, their company will be dragged through the mud in the public, the press, anyone else you can get attention of. No company wants that. I promise.

Basically just grow a pair and start acting like an angry husband, not a weak, scared kitten.

I have acted like a mad husband when I spoke with the OMW. My w got very angry about that and said that I was just jealous. I see everyone talking about expose, expose, but what good does that really do. How often does it make the BS look like a crazy jealous person. By the way I did tell my kids the truth over the weekend about what was going on. The kids were thinking that my W was always texting her sister. I told the girls about the OM. They wanted to know his name and I told them. My oldest daughter asked me what I was going to do. I told her that I was going to make sure that they had a good christmas and then things could get crazy. Last night while I was playing with my girls my oldest asked me if I still love mommy and I told her yes, but something ahs to be done about what is going on. I over heard my youngest daughter ask my W if her and the OM were just friends. My w told the youngest yes. The my youngest daughter told my W that I don't want my daddy to leave and I don't want OM to come to our house. that really hit me hard. My W did not mention any of this to me I jsut happened to over hear it.

Who cares what "anyone" says?

After adultry (and before, imo) being alone and "friends" with people of the opposite sex is wrong.

If she won't put up the proper defences against future adultries, who is going to?

You?

You haven't yet.

I don't know what your personal financial situation would allow you to do, but did you ever think about having the PI follow HIM? He may have another woman or two on the string as well, which would infuriate your wife if she knew something like that was going on. Girlfriends of married men really resent being cheated on, for some reason.:RollieEyes:

tl

there is no way I can stop her from having an A. My W has even mentioned that if myself was going to do something that she could not stop me. I would not anyway, but it looks like she would. When we got married my W told me that if I ever cheated on her to keep on walking. Maybe I just ought to tell her that now.

Yeah, the PI spent a few hours following the OM to find out where he lived, what he drove, etc. I don't know if I ought to give up on this battle and just move on. I would like some way to get their text messages, but there is just not anything out there that works. I purchased a sim card reader and took her card one day and it would not read her card or retreive her texts. Only if I had the text messages.

I didn't mean a cursory following him. I meant shadowing him for several days where you actually know what he's doing, not just where he lives and what he drives.

tl

NO, OM has not been followed that way. He has been watched some, but not to see his every move.

I don't know your finances, but that might be useful if you could afford it.

tl

We have talked about doing that, but we already know where he is at most of the evenings.

Hogfan,

I have been following your situation and wanted to give you my 2 cents. You've gotten some excellent advice from MyRev, MEDC and many others. You need to take action now. I can tell you from my experience you may never get the "proof" you need to move forward. The doubts you already have will drive you crazy though. You will never be at peace until you get truthful answers and not the gaslighting you have been receiving. So let's look at what you already know. You know that your WW and OM are exchanging ILY's via text message so at the very least this is an EA. Also, no man should be sitting and chatting up you W in her car after work. Completely unacceptable. You said yourself that A's are rampant at her place of employment right? What kind of work environment is it? I ask because if my DW could have a PA in a public place of business there is every possibility yours has too. You know the saying "where there's a will there's a way." Waywards will go to ANY lengths to get their fix even if it means some secluded supply closet.(how romantic ) Sorry about your situation, but you need to go with your gut and the evidence you DO have. Nothing will change until you make it change.

Want2Stay

OK, this is gross, but I'm a nurse, so I'm used to it. Sorry to anybody who isn't. How about checking out the panties she throws in the laundry every night? Especially the ones she used before the mornings she tries to get in the shower with you.

tl

You may want to order a Checkmate kit to test for semen in the panties.

HF -

I've been thinking.

As a BW, I WANTED to believe my husband so badly. There comes a time when 1+1 no longer add up correctly in the waynerd's story.

As you know, I suspect that OMW is now frantically doing math in her head.

I propose you take a different tack now.

I propose you out to her WHAT YOU HAVE. I propose you do it in a letter, and have your PI deliver it to her to make certain SHE is the one that receives it.

I would also word it like this,

I realize you did not want to believe my call on such and such a date, and I understand your reasoning.

I feel though, that because my wife has a history of such behavior, I must inform you of the information that I DO have.

1. I have seen texts between your husband and my wife in which they tell each other "I love you" and "That is the reason that I love you."

2. Numerous people whom they both work with have made comments regarding their inappropriate "friendship."

3. (include the tape) Video of them parking next to each other and sharing time ALONE in my wife's car. Even though the video is blurry, I think you'd agree that your husband has NO place in my wife's vehicle - especially since they did not GO anywhere.

4. whatever else you feel is pertinent.




Remember, this is to shine light on the INAPPROPRIATE behavior of your wife and her husband. It is not YOUR fault if she does not believe you, or if she STILL chooses to believe her waynerd.

This action is to shine the light of truth upon the cockroaches' meanderings...and light and truth HURTS adultry.

That is the object.

You cannot control OMW and her decisions. I dunno why in the world you care a nougat whether or not she believes you. You'll have done YOUR JOB. What she does with the info is NUNYA (as in nunya biznez).

Make this adultry HARD on the adulterers. Get the text block and EXPOSE what you do have to any who'll listen.

Sheesh.

My W is a clerk in the maintenance dpartment of a paper mill.