I agree with everything KA says. Plus, I would add, I would highly suggest to your kids that they take at least one week off from dealing with their dad - not to benefit you, but to help them get some breathing space, as things are getting too emotional. Just ask them to delete his emails, so that he will start using the IM. In fact, you could tell them that by doing so, they will be helping him to decide to come back home.

I would also add that I can already see severe problems in your S10 with this. Trust me. I saw my brother go through this and he's been through repeated suicide attempts in his life just because his dad abandoned him in about the same way your H has. My brother took it ALL on his own shoulders. He, too, was afraid to upset his father, would never tell him anything bad, never tell him he wasn't happy, went along with whatever father wanted just to keep father from being upset with him; in other words, gave up his own needs to satisfy his dad. As stupid as that sounds, THAT IS WHAT THEY DO - THEY BLAME THEMSELVES. You'll see it again and again and again in textbook cases.

Are you in the US? Go to www.unitedway.org and find your local chapter. They will help you get therapy for him, money for you, legal and financial help or at least advice, whatever you need. Please do this ASAP.

And take your kids out of the equation!

Tell your IM what's going on and ask her to help protect your children!

Oh, and what your H is doing? Pure bullcrapola! One hundred percent entitlement and selishness and greed and not one iota of concern for YOU. Why on earth would ANY of this be YOUR fault! He is being an A-1 #1 Class A jerk. Anyone who would do what he's doing to you, let alone to his own kids, needs to spend some serious time in therapy. PLEASE do not be putting any of the blame on yourself.

He doesn't deserve you, and if he wakes up and finally becomes a decent human being, he'd better thank his lucky stars you let him come home.

Well y'all finished up Week 3. Today is exactly 3 weeks of lovely Plan B.
Nothing new to update, very quiet day after yesterdays chaos. I think H is mad at DD17 for setting a boundary and letting H know she doesn't want to be in the middle of it all. He made no contact with her all day.

He did however call and leave a message on answering machine for DS10 at 8PM but the kids had gone to the park so they were not home and ya know I wasn't gonna answer.

I did ask DS10 if he wanted to call him back but DS10 gets wierd
by the whole talking to dad thing. Sometimes he wants to and other days he does not.

H had planned that visit tomorrow after church with the kids but after that crap yesterday I am not sure he will end up visiting them. I would be surprised if he did. DD17 doesn't really even want to visit as of now and DS10 doesn't want to visit unless DD17 is with him. DS10 says, mom its really dumb that we have to visit our own dad when he should be here. I laugh and say son you are so wise for a boy your age. Guess we'll see if he comes won't we. Update y'all tomorrow.

Off to bed....

:MerryChristmas: Okay just wanted to use the cute lil Icon.....okay now off to bed....

Just so you know, the local phone number for ALL united way is 311.

When I told the Wookie not to let the door hit him in his hinder,they were the ONLY ones to even lift a finger to help the children and me.

^^^

Dealean, I never knew that! Thank you! And I'm glad to hear an actual story from someone who used them. You see people donate to them in the corporate world year after year, and I always wonder who's getting the benefit. Nice to know you did.

Sorry for the T/J!

Ah man ok here's the deal. H aka IDIOT did come visit the kids and is behind the house at the park(my backyard is attached and goes into the park).

I am selling these 2 motorcycles and someone is coming to look at them right now.

The kids dragged him to jamba juice to keep him away. What do I do if he comes back CRAP CRAP CRAP! I don't want to see him!

On another funny note. DD17 days yeah Dad asked me if I lost my Picture of me and Brian Welch(singer from band Korn who converted to Christianity and attended our church for a while).
DD17 says my mom has it, and H says(LOLOLOL) yeah I saw it on her myspace, she finally changed her picture. WHAT!?!?!
He's looking at my myspace? He doesn't even have one himself. I have a music page as I have a few songs I have cut for a demo. Looking at my myspace, hilarious.
Jerk I can't stand him! Ok gotta get bikes ready...so help, what if he comes while Im selling the bikes what do I do????? Hurry

If he comes, ignore him as best you can and if you HAVE to, tell him he's not welcome there and you're not interested in a conversation with him under any circumstances than those which have already been outlined for him in writing. If he makes a scene (unlikely with strangers there looking at the bikes, but with a wayward you never know), call the cops.

Ok so far so good! I called the people on there way here and said my H and I are not talking right now and he is in the front yard with the kids so please come in the house and I will take you to the garage. So did it that way and they did take the bikes.

Thank God IDIOT is still here and did not bother coming up even while they loaded the bikes in the driveway. Sounds wierd but my driveway is up hill so the side walk is away from the front door and garage so I never even saw him. I just closed the door and came in. He is still here.

So funny when he had asked DD17 about her picture with Brian Welch and she said that I had it and he was looking at my myspace, he also said ya know she took off all the information about me....Well duh!

Back later....

Thanks for the update, I was wondering how you were doing. It went great and even better, you sold the bikes. Woot!

Trying2Live,

Tread carefully with the psychologist. My WW tried to schedule an appointment for DS6 the other day, did not tell me about it, and got a very nicely worded letter from my attorney about the illegality of such a move.

Basically, getting the kids a psych eval without the other spouse knowing is a very popular tactic for custody battles and in my area the courts are fed up with it. I would suggest the following to protect yourself:

- schedule the evaluation but have the IM let WH know when and where the appointment is and that you will arrange to have the counselor talk to him to get his opinion as well.

B

Hey you guys another question, so Tuesday is my 19 year anniversary. What if he sends me flowers or something can I return to sender it or reject the flowers. I mean it may not happen but I would like to be prepared.

He also asked DD17 for the family website, which I have already given him plus the password. Sure thing buddy I'll give it to you so you can torture yourself looking at all of us. And any new things we've done since you left-even Plan A trips like Disneyland aren't gonna have you in em.....LOLOLOLOL. He hates that. He hates his pictures are down in the house and hates that I took all his pics and info down off the myspace...Okay I don't get it. Guess I was supposed to stare at pics of him and let everyone think all is well...uh yeah...NO!

Well, you could do what I did. I took the flowers to the OW's house and gave them to HER. Then she threw them out in the street and WH went by and retrieved them the next day and brought them back to me. They were a little limp and worse for the wear, so I threw them out in the street.

Of course, we are divorced now.......................

Just throw them away and NEVER mention them. You are dark, remember?

Could they be taken to a retirement home or something? Me hating to see flowers die for nothing. LOL

Hi JayneyPooh! I've missed you! Just wanted to say hi!

Toughen up - you are in Plan B, therefore, he is not a speck of dust on your mind right now.

This is not a Plan B state of mind you've had today. Forward the flowers to your IMs - they will enjoy the fragrance and you will enjoy the lack of distraction he has caused you today.

I thought maybe taking the flowers to the backyard and throwing them on the ground and jumping up and down on them- might be lots of fun -then when I am done I can light the card on fire and roast some marshmallows, smores anyone?

I truly don't think he will do either but I'm a rather safe than be sorry kinda person.

Well guess he's back tomorrow for another visit with the kids.

Made it thought it all not break in my darkness....

I'm off to work on my family website, its gonna take me at least 6 months or more scanning and uploading 24 years of pics. Its fun to see the kids old pictures, time sure flies, kids grow so fast.

Good morning y'all.

Had a crappy late night. Kids were sitting watching TV on couch last night and DD17 got a text she tells DS10 dad says he had a great time with us, I love you and have a good night.

Over hearing them talk was hard, I managed to hold it in til they both were asleep and cried my guts out quietly for 2 hours in the spare bedroom. I talk with God when I cry, He's always the best listener LOL.

Though I am trying to stay busy, I am truly emotionally exhausted, bewildered, and truly very sad at all of this. It is mind bending to think that my H has brought the kids and I to this place, but mostly for me, as the kids will carry on their relationship with their dad. Its gut wrenching.

I am dreading tomorrow, 19 year anniversary. The girls and I are planning to go out. I am still dreading it. I feel like I just want to lay and bed and cry but I can't because the kids and I don't want to be an example of giving up but in my heart I have almost given up.

Yeah I know they say with time it gets better, I think tolerable might be a more appropriate word. Don't know that I can ever look at this as better.

Okay, I'm off the house is destroyed because I as so darn domestic that i force myself to do nothing on sundays but relax, which makes for a dirty house on Monday.

Have a great day, everyone....

T2L, I am so sorry that you had a crummy night. No one deserves the pain you feel, but I am glad that you are healthy enough to cry all that pain out. In the long run you will be better off for grieving for real what is currently gone in your life.

BF439

T2L