poi-fek-t !

You KNOW my opinion about the "other business" ... YOU are starting to inspire a ton of other posters!

Keep up the good work muah

I adore her, Pep.

She is a gem, fer shure!

This joint jumps

OMGosh! How totally fun!

Nothing new to report...quiet day here in Plan B land. No tears today. Still hate Plan B, but not as angry today as I have been the last week. But still wanna strangle H. LOL

Far as I know he is visiting the kiddos tomorrow and I have told both the kids that they are to tell dad they want to go to a new park because I am sick of his funky butt in my back yard at the park and sick of his car parked in front of my house and sick of him hanging out front with the kids. I mean he has not seen or spoken to me anyway but....Time to be darker! Buh-Bye go to another park. Not gonna let you get your fix by being around my house.

Anyways off to church...if anything to update I'll pop back on Otherwise see y'all tomorrow....

Your are doing good.

Keep it up

Ok, so tell me if I am being over sensitive. H is scheduled to visit with the kids at a park away from the house as I wanted my Plan B tighter.

So this morning I guess he had a scheduled appointment in my city so he called to DD17 and said Im out front I just want to say hello so DS10 and DD17 ran outside to say hello. He did call and NOT come to the door but I just didn't like the fact that he just popped in. I mean it was only 10 minutes and he had to go back to work but it irritated me.

I had the cable guys here switching my phone line over and he asked DD17 what they were doing, she said Im not sure. I told her from now on if that happens you say you have no clue you don't know why they are here.

Anyways I knew he was visiting today, he didn't try to come to the door, but I didn't like the early pop in. Am i being finicky?

I really feel like he comes to the house because he needs to get a fix. Like he needs the feeling of home without the commitment am I correct? I don't want that. I don't want him to get a need filled of feeling like home with out the commitment. That's why I told the kids no more at the park behind the house.

And then I also informed both the kids that if dad calls you and says I can see you tomorrow your answer should not just be yes as he has lost that right, I am here raising you so your answer needs to be IDK I need to go ask mom and will let you know.

TIGHTEN UP THOSE HATCHES!!!!!! I'm gonna find every way I can make this tighter, I mean as far as visual and audio its good but I think it'll get even better when he cant be near home. It was a thought anyways and better for me so I dont need to see his dumb car in front of the house.

Okay gotta go back later.....

I think you need a formal custody plan.

Tuesdays from 4-7pm. Every other Thursday from 4-7pm. Every other weekend beginning at 4pm Friday until 6pm Sunday.

No stopping by.
No unscheduled visits unless requested through IM and agreed upon by you.
No changes to said schedule unless requested through IM and agreed upon by you.

What about, just for the next couple weeks, you hold on to your kids' cell phones? They can use them whenever you want them to, but you can screen the calls just for now, pass on their legitimate calls, but only let them talk to dad at certain arranged hours? That way he can't get away with 'just stopping by' because there's no way to tell them he's here.

I have no formal custody paperwork other than having the IM's give him a schedule. The IM's have informed me that because he is completely against using them, that I will be giving information to him but probably not getting any responses.

At this time I am not sure I want to legally go that route yet. Here's my reason. I have DS10 and DD17 full time. They know about Sea Hag and hate her guts and DD17 would probably beat her to death if she saw her. Both of my kids do not want anything to do with her and have let my H know their hatred of her.

If I legally file then he may have to take the kids to the apartment for weekends and I would rather die than send my kids there. DS10 has incurred so much emotionally over this and has begged me to not let him go there.

Many months back(Pre SAA) I asked H not to bring the kids around her and he said he would never do that. I said I would hope you would not conflict our son that way. So as of now he has no intentions of bringing kids near her ever...and if you knew my kids you would know why. DD17 and DS10 have called her every name in the book, slandered and made fun of her so bad that hubby dear knows he cannot go there. HE knows deep down inside my kids would refuse visitation with him.-, they have done it before. I personally don't think he wants the kids around her, is that weird?

So I have set a schedule sent to him. DD17 has a cell phone but I purposely have not replaced DS10 broken phone. I just now called DD17 and said I am going to be giving you a schedule of the visitation that you dad has and when he calls you say let me look at the schedule mom has given you and see if we can. That may cut it off. Since he refuses to go to the IM's he calls DD17 to see if they are free but if he must refer to the schedule it should work and divert attention off her to me for the boundary.

Think I will confirm the post football visitation schedule with the IM's.

Hi T2L - you are so strong and a real inspiration to me!

I am back in a deep dark Plan B and from what my WH told me, you will be driving your WH nuts. My WH asked if he could just hear my voice on the phone when he is speaking to the kids and did ask to see the kids at the house. I think he hoped for sleep overs and expected I would go for the night!

Plan B does have a huge affect on the waywards. My WH was not in a PA or living with the OW so I don't know what stage your WH is up to, but your Plan A was so great and I am sure he was with you so much more than the OW and LOVING his time with you at home. Him seeing the house and parking in the drive would be a huge fix for him. It probably feels like he has "been home".

Good move to change the visits to another park!

Stay dark and strong

"So I have set a schedule sent to him. DD17 has a cell phone but I purposely have not replaced DS10 broken phone. I just now called DD17 and said I am going to be giving you a schedule of the visitation that you dad has and when he calls you say let me look at the schedule mom has given you and see if we can. That may cut it off. Since he refuses to go to the IM's he calls DD17 to see if they are free but if he must refer to the schedule it should work and divert attention off her to me for the boundary.'

I think that sounds great -- just what I was going to suggest. As long as you have a schedule that you've sent to him, you can reference it and set limits on his "boundary creep."

I think its just vitally important for you to remind yourself that you have offered visitation and if he chooses to come randomly, he just may not get to see them. But that is not your fault!!!
I set up that I would be flexible on the schedule with a week's notice. That way, I am flexible, but not setting myself up to be taken advantage of.
Keep up your efforts -- you are doing a great job taking care of your kids and yourself!
BF439

Ok Y'all here's the scoop. And I'm fully aware I shouldn't know this and I'll tell ya how I know it. First let me give you some details just in case i have not previously.

We know Dday was April 23rd, came home 3 days later(pre SAA) false recovery and has been gone from the home since May 8th. He moved in with OW August 1st. But I know he moves OW from her house to her sisters an hour away and is the city they now live in.

All of this is Pre SAA as I did not read the book until end of September. Well during the month of July I allowed H to come to the house to visit the kids 3 times a week. Well he looked God awful and dirty and not healthy and miserable. I guess he said to DD17 that he was homeless living in his car. So I called him and asked him are you homeless-which is stupid BTW because he could stay at his mom in the city where OW had just left. We all know why he didn't he would have rather lived in his car than be away from the Sea Hag. Anyways he said no he was joking. It was quite apparent he was living in his car just to be near her until they got the apartment in August. He even told a mutual friend that basically he had had no where to live for a period so I know he lived in his car.

Ok i say all that because of this. H came to visit, they went to another park away from the house-Yippee no H's car parked in front of my house and no lingering! Anyways I welcome the kids home and say did you guys have a good visit.

DD17 says yes I mentioned to dad about vacation. Well I had talked to the kids and told them I was going to see if I can take half of the tax return so I could take them on a cruise. We have been on 3 so far and DD17 will turn 18 and graduate early in March. So H says yeah well I want to go and DD17 says uh not until your single to which he replies(any guesses??LOL its very obvious hes said it a million times in Plan A) Yup I am single and I can do what I want. DD17 says no that wont be good, he says it'll be fine if your mother leaves me alone. I simply tell DD17 well I am leaving him alone so I am not sure what that means.

Okay here's the other part so the kids tell me they were saying goodbye to him and DD17 says so you going home dad? He says I don't have a home, I am a loner, and I like it(yeah sure you do, that's why you complained about being alone on Thanksgiving). I basically go to work, do my reports in the car and sleep on the concrete. And again says everything was fine we were talking and DD17 says no dad it wasn't do you think just because mom was happy when she let you over that she wasn't upset, hurt or crying? He says I know she was.

Anyways, I know I am supposed to be concentrating on me. I have no tears since Monday night, and am feeling okay. But I wonder if he is not living with her or is he playing games. The only bad thing about my H is he has told me way too much on accident and its hilarious. Oh well either way I could care less and do not in any way feel bad for him if he again is living in his car because its a choice, he could stay at his moms or man up and do what is necessary but this lady here IS NOT CAVING! Plan B is my very best friend, that at times I hate, but doggone it I will have my self respect whether this recovers or not.

Just wanted to update y'all.......

It's the games that hurt the most T2L. I know you are so strong but I get that you would rather not know anything. I have a terrible habit of reading what I am sent by WH and probably asking too many questions of my IM instead of shutting her down.

Plan B is for RnR and creating a lovely empty safe space in our minds for our true selves to venture out and enjoy the sunshine without fear and without hurt.

Don't worry about your WH. He will be taking care of himself and is trying to feed enough information through to you to make sure you are thinking of him and hopefully feeling guilty for kicking him to the kerb! Rarely do they let things slip. Being sneaky and manipulative is part of the essential makings of a wayward.

I am thinking of you and checking on you often.

Take care!

Excellent job ignoring the info he tried to pass through DD. She can see that you love her too much to place her in a role that is damaging to her.

And I hope he IS living in his car. So there.

Neakie Pooh! I've missed you! You must be a busy gurl!

Yeah who knows if he's in his car or not but in the past he has made a lot of comments that he doesn't realize he says. Whatever, its probably fog babble to make me feel guilty, which I don't.

Not much new. H visited with the kids today. Met them at a restaurant. I know that I should be happy for my kids but its so irritating! I mean my kids go visit this fake and act like he isn't cheating on their mom and isn't living with the Sea Hag. UGGG, it makes me sick!

I swear at one moment I think okay I can do this and then truthfully the next I feel screw you and I wanna slap papers on the dude, but not for the right reasons. Not because its healthy for me. I at this point would do it to piss him off and stick it to him. During Plan A he said he had listened to a radio station that said you should not get divorced because its financial destruction and you should do what ever it takes,live apart or what ever. I responded well its a good thing I'm not in this for the money. Ya know this fool would rather live like this to avoid financial destruction.

Whatever at 1 year of D-day I am truly going to asses how I am feeling-if I even make it that far. I have read many times you should never make life decisions for at least a year after the trauma. Dear God Help me I HATE HIM!

Sorry I'm vomiting again, went shopping today, saw all the families together Christmas shopping. Made me sad. {{{{sigh}}}

Anyways, he just dropped off kids. Dark Plan B day. Good for me, Yippee, and yes I am being sarcastic.

T2L,
I hear your anger.
It's ok, your allowed to feel like that.
And I see you still ahve your sense of humour

He is a creep. I hate to think you are going to do a year of plan B??? After D day!?

Oh man. I could not do it.

Well, the Harley's recommend Plan B for 2 years. I truly don't think I have that in me. But as much as I have read for any type of crisis-death, affair, etc-says to never make life decisions before one years as you are in too much of a vulnerable state. I sincerely recognize that I am vulnerable right now.

I cannot make a decision based on my present emotions, as they are all over the place, LOL. I do not want to make a decision to get back at my H as that is the wrong motivation as well. I must only make this decision if, 1. I feel God says that's enough the grace is up, or 2. I am emotionally healed and ready to live a life without my H but for pure reasons.

He truly is a creep right now a'int gonna argue that with you! LMAO But aside of his moodiness and bouts of inability to be happy, our family had LOTS of fun. He was a good man especially the last 5 years or so. The 4 of us would laugh hysterically and love was there. Because he rewrote the marriage history and told a mutual friend he wasn't happy for years I asked DD17 did daddy seem happy to you? DD17 says mom, you guys loved each other and our family had so much fun that I felt guilty sometimes because my life and family was perfect...out of the mouth of babes.

I am clinging to the remaining love I have for H. He is stubborn and IF and thats a big IF he comes out of this I know that God is truly going to have to break his will, and guess what I know he's gonna use me and Plan B to do it. Will I make it to that point? IDK. But its the thought of love that I tried and can look back with clear conscience. Yes he is pissing me off to no end with his stubbornness but I have seen on this board time and time again stubbornness broken in these walk aways. My H did lose his way, actually let me take it further, I don't think he ever knew his way but he sure is going to find it one way or another and with me or with out me thats a good thing.

Most people who met my H loved him, especially the men at church. Grown men cried when I told them. If you met my H, you just loved him and wanted to be near him as he was relaxed and had a great ability to listen to you. I know the bible says the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy, I believe thats what happened here. My H, with 15 years of church under his belt and an associate Pastor, fell and was tricked into a stupid lie. Yes he is accountable. But I am hoping I can make it to see my Prodigal H come home.

Okay gotta go to church, back later.....

Don't give up on your prodigal. I'm glad to hear you have a cord of hope you're holding onto, and well you should. If your WH stays gone, it will be in defiance of the best effort heaven has to offer.