I need to speak honestly here and would love some honest feedback.

I posted here in the month of August (5 months after D-Day)then quit, as I would find myself thinking I was going crazy - not thinking logical. I was an emotional BASKET CASE. I need to know if I am on the right path now.

I didn't know about MB or EN or any of this until 5 months after my D-Day, so I NEVER DID A PLAN A OR B. Honestly, I didn't WANT to start meeting WH's EN at the time, wasn't interested in Plan A after I DID find out about it. I had so much hurt and anger there are days I felt as though I was going to have a heart attack. I was in SHOCK and still had to take care of my kids and run the household.

I am stronger now but STILL have days when I will cry uncontrobably and LOVE BUST the heck out of my FWH.

We have been married 16 years. I just have to wonder....was this a one time thing, when my H got addicted to the "way she made me feel" (throw-up) or has he done it in the past and this time just got caught. This A has caused to me to question my whole life with him now. Is this normal? I know trust will take time but I still don't trust him when he says he's never done it before.

I know his actions speak louder than words and he is helping get me through it the best he can....as he is full of guilt and shame. when we Love Bust one another he WILL make statements to JUSTIFY his A.....because of something i was not doing. And yes I now know I am not responsible for his A...only the state of the marriage BEFORE the A.

Am I where I need to be in this journey to recovery??? Oh, and if it were up to My H...we would NEVER bring it up again. So at what point to you stop talking and arguing about it??

OMG - I think you are writing my story. I would love an answer to that question as well if someone has one. I could talk about it almost every day, every day there are reminders that come up and I need to get them off my chest and work through them. At what point is it taboo to not talk about anymore. And what expectations do you expect out of your H after all this. After reading the MB website and books - I have such higher expectations of our marriage than before. I want better, but not doing anything is getting us nowhere and I am frustrated as hell.

I am not an expert on recovery. still in plan b. but if you are trying to recover if you want to talk about it you should. Too bad if he doesnt. He needs to tell you everything you want to know to make you feel comfortable. He should be bending over backwards to make you feel secure. everything should be out in the open. if you are feeling insecure or have a trigger you need to talk about with him. He needs to know.
And they all love to point out everything you didnt do in the marriage so they can put the blame on you. Dont listen to it. No marriage is perfect that is NO excuse to have an affair

Good luck.

my D-day is not as long ago as yours, i have many of those emotions all the time now so i guess i don't have much to look forward to

i'm sorry for you

i have read other threads and the advice given, it has helped
i find it very time consuming to find specific info, lightbulb just went off
maybe try using the search feature on this site, that's what i'm going to do now

good luck and take care

At this point dont trust him. How can you. He needs to be open and honest and earn your trust.

Completely normal. My d day was 1 yr and 4 mos. ago and i do cry much less now. but there was a point where i would cry every day uncontrollably.it took me 4 mos. to find MB and before that i also LB like you wouldnt beleive and couldnt control that either.

I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry. It can be hell. Hang in there.

2 years is typical to keep talking about it.

Does he still work with his OW?

YES, they still work together. He refuses to leave. He is in the military, we are stuck here for at least 3 more years.

Delta,

How can you expect recovery when your WH and OW still work together? Every day is a question of a "fix" for him and a "kick in the gut" for you. Your WH's "refusal" to ask for a change in job is telling. He is "chosing" to stay in the same environment and you are letting him. Read my posts if you want to see one way to deal with the military. I understand that not everyone can do what we did, but certainly there is a way to have him reassigned so they do not have to work together. Have you used the military to assist you personally?

AM