Hello? Is this me talking? I relate, brother.

Otehrs hear will disagree with this, but "getting over" a divorce is like being an addict. You hit rock bottom. Then you start healthy habits.

Sorry about your weekend.

you should read that book i mentioned... only took me like two hours to finish it. short book but had some good ideas

it's been three months since i posted. many of you have probably forgotton my story but it's there if you feel like reading the history

i feel like a bucket of [censored] right now

i've made some seriously bad decisions over the past month. i've been stubborn about getting IC and using anti-depressants but i need help. i don't like making bad decisions and i'm going to try and make getting help a higher priority

it's been six months since the divorce was final. my parents, all my friends, the good folk here on MB... everybody tells me that my ex is bad news. heck i know it too. i just can't figure out why i still love her

OM3 went out of town from the end of October until Friday night. While he was gone... that's when I started acting stupid. I've been terribly lonely and I let my emotional basketcase self get the best of me. While he was gone, I tried to show my ex that I still loved her. If you remember my history, you'll know that my ex tends to be a cake eater and treats me like her fall back plan and that i enable her

because i enable her and because i don't enforce my boundaries of keeping her away from me, i am having a very difficult time moving on

it's weird knowing what i need to do to stop it but not being able to

i have had no backbone

on top of this, i really hurt somebody else's feelings. i seduced a woman who had expressed interest only to wake up the next morning next to her knowing full well that i was not ready for a relationship. at least i was honest about my feelings a few days later and she doesn't hate me for it. she said she could sorta tell that i was not ready. guess that means i am still attracted to needy women and that is another one of my problems

making matters more complicated, i got accepted into a law enforcement academy recently. what kind of cop will i be if i am not capable of handling my own emotions?

it's so easy to say "get over it and move on" but not so easy to actually do

So what else are you doing in your life? Have you made any changes? Exercising? New hobby? Volunteering? Classes? What's new that you can use to replace her?

well i have the academy starting up on the 17th so that will keep me busy

was chatting with one of the MB posters on facebook last night and got a few 2x4s... just need to enforce my boundaries better

ride my bike alot and spend time with my kid for fun

my son called the ex last night to find out when she was coming to pick him up and she told him she was sick and that she wanted to be alone

made him cry again.. he looks forward to spending time with her

this morning i went to go leave a note on her car saying that she could not pick and choose when she gets visitation. there are set days for visitation and if she chooses to skip one then she loses it, i wrote

while there i saw her boyfriend's truck so i know she wasnt sick last night

this afternoon she emailed me a nasty message saying i was not the judge on when she could get visitation and that she'd get an injunction if i didnt leave her alone. laughed to myself with that one because i'm the one who wants to be left alone

tonight my son called to ask if he could spend the night tonight as a make up. she told him no because i would not let her. he begged me to let him spend the night but i stuck to my guns

he will be okay

i have borders and they will be enforced

It's amazing to me to see how many of us guys have been trampled on, by ways of affairs. I too have been through my ringer. I got divorced back on '05, but I actually think my marriage was over in '03 before I went to Iraq. My marriage crumbled when I was gone. I guess it's that old adage of when the cat's away, the mice will play.

Anyway, I just started dating recently, and it has been wonderful. I guess I wasn't ready until now. Five years is a long time, but it did give me a lot of time to reflect and get comfortable taking care of my kids full time.

I guess what I am saying is that everyone has their own time limit to get over things. For me it was a long time, but others may not take so long. Just take your time and don't rush into things.

i'm adding on to the diary a bit slower now but may as well keep it alive... maybe reading all the mistakes i made will help some other male BS

overall i haven't made a ton of mistakes... just one really big one that i have finally corrected. it took me two years but finally i did it

boundaries

after i made that post in december, i finally woke up and started enforcing them. why didn't i listen to all of you and do this sooner!

i kept letting the ex come around after the divorce and it was not allowing me to heal. enforcing boundaries has done wonders in that department. i feel alot better about myself and i feel like i have turned a new page

i have continued to lose weight since the separation/divorce and am nearing my goal. the law enforcement academy is going great and i am second in my class of 29 in terms of my GPA... i am taking it very slow with other women. now that i look good, they are seeking me out, and while i have been on a few more dates, i have not been committing

but the no contact thing has been a God send

the ex is in a dangerous tailspin and i am no longer blaming myself for the divorce. i am finally seeing that while i may have been half responsible for the bad marriage, i was not responsible for all the adultry. she has problems and all the fogspeak and re-writing our marital history was just that

i am actually happy and am starting to see that i can make it through this phase of my life

thanks to all who posted in this thread... i'm a slow learner but the important part is that i learned eventually

Awesome! So glad to hear it's working out.