<BR>I went snooping in my W car last Saturday. I found what looked to be like the OM sweetest day gift lingerie and other things. Well needless to say I lost it and confronted her with it she told me “I don’t have to discuss this with you”. So I left and had someone come by and get my things, I am now staying at a friend’s house. <P>So later that day I get a call that my W was looking for me. Her grandmother is very ill and wont live much longer and she was asking for me, and they wanted the whole family over. Of course while I was there my W tried to talk to me but I just ignored her.<P>Later that day I her from her sister in law that the stuff was not my W. And that she had been with her all day and night at that time. Well I have been lied to so much threw this I don’t know witch way is up, so I just considered this another lie. Good or bad her story that she was with her and the stuff is not hers ALMOST seems possible. Just found out OM filed for divorce and had his W served Friday. But now that I have just picked up and moved out what do I do? I want to move back in and and keep doing plan A. But I dont know how she would take it she already said she feels like she is on a yo-yo with me.

Agony,<P>You were shocked and hurt, but the next time she wants to talk to you take advantage of it--unless she is Love Busting, being angry and so on. I've played that game, withdrawing from my wife to get her attention, but it doesn't work. When you are feeling hurt or angry you desperately want some way to make her understand, but she may be in her own world at this point in time.<P>If you can get here to talk occasionally in a pleasant way maybe you can get on to what she is thinking and feeling. Just a suggestion.

Agony,<BR>Is her affair still continuing? Do you know that she is still seeing him or has she ended it? Your shock and disgust at seeing the items in her car is very understandable. Her refusal to reassure you was cruel. But if your goal is to save your marriage, you should not have moved out. <P>Trying to regain a committed relationship with your spouse is not easy from any perspective but not living in the same house makes everything much more difficult. If possible, try to move back home. Your place is in your home with your kids and your wife. <P>Make arrangements to have a talk with her. Either get a babysitter and go somewhere you can talk or talk at home when the kids are in bed asleep. Tell her your plans, your dreams, your hopes for a future together. Request counseling. <P>Good luck to you and let us knoow what happens.....

She is still in contact with OM mostly by phone. When I first discovered the affair I suggested counseling and we went, but is didn’t do much good. Before the end of the second session she walked out. She told the counselor “She was here to make sure I would be ok with our divorce and that she was done trying”. The counseler then told me that it was over and to move on with my life unless W told me something differently. I know I want to be back home with my kids and wife and I will try to do that.

A couple of things I'll add here...one, don't believe her! If that was not hers she would have viemently denied it. Instead she gives you lip! I know that you soo want to believe in her, but you can't.<P>Two,you have a lot of options here. If you want to go home. Go home. You did nothing wrong. If anyone should leave, she should. I would tell her that too. (But that's me. Keep in mind that I am the betrayer,so you are not getting a hurt woman's opinion). Anyway, if she's still seeing him I would tell he she should leave until she stops. If this is not an option for you I would move home, tell its for the kids and move into another room (if available) keep minimal conversation with her, so she knows you are not kidding.<P>If my OH had not pushed my back to the wall we would never be where we are right now.<P>Good Luck!<P>------------------<BR>What does not kill you will only make you stronger.<BR>

I just called and talked to my kids and wife. We talked about how her grandmother was doing. Then about things she was missing since when I left I took her car. She started to get upset about the things but then said it wasn’t worth getting upset about.<BR> Then my W started to get upset that she didn’t know where I was and that she couldn’t get a hold of me if my daughter needed me for something. And that when my D asked where I was she couldn’t tell her. She asked why I didn’t tell here or anyone where I was and in the same sentence said that she really didn’t care and wouldn’t miss me.<BR> Then I told her I was coming home today and she asked what that means. I told her it means that I am going to move back in and sleep there. I then asked her what she thought about that. She paused for a long time and then said “Well I can’t stop you, I have no option”. I then asked her not to tell me her option but how she felt about it and I got an even longer pause and she said “It was nice,,,pause,,, nice to have a calm night at home with the kids” and I asked her why when I was home things weren’t calm and I got no response then a “it don’t matter anymore.” <BR> The odd thing about this is I was not the one running around all night, it was me that was left to take care of the kids at night while she went to school, went to the bar, went and helped a friend here and this job there.<BR> Of course I told her I loved her and my W said “Well don’t, I’ve already told you how not to”. This goes back to an earlier conversation we had when I told her I love her and she said “Don’t” and I asked how and she said “It’s easy, just act like you did for the past five years”. <BR> Then at the end of our conversation I would see her later and she mumbled something like “Stuck in this again” I questioned her on what she said “nothing”.<BR>Guess I will just have to see how things go tonight.<BR>