Wife called this morning to apologize for being angry and looking forward to talking more tonight.
manicoty, I want to explain to you what you are dealing with here becasue I don't think you understand your wife's frame of mind. Your wife is under the intoxicating influence of an affair and is not in her rational mind. She is very much like a falling down drunk or a crack head. They do not respond to reason. So having "talks" with her will be like trying to negotiate giving up the crack pipe with a crack head who is due for his next fix.
When you have this "talk" with her today, it will be important that you drive home this message: you are not interested in talking about divorce/separation and will not cooperate. You will only discuss a) ending her adultery [<----use that word!] and b) working on marital reconcilation.
You must be like a BROKEN RECORD.
Please understand this is what you are dealing with and most of the things she is saying are CLASSIC fog talk from waywards. They all rewrite history [I have been unhappy for years], they all cite grievance going back to 1950, they all say the separation has nothing to do with the affair, etc, etc, etc, etc...
We have heard everything you have said here a million times on this forum. All of we BS's are simply nodding our heads at your posts because it is part of the ADDICTION.
THIS IS WHY YOU CANNOT TAKE ANYTHING SAYS SERIOUSLY! To make any plans based on the babble of a falling down drunk is FOLLY. We have many marriages recover whose spouse seemed even more resolved than yours.
So, here are some key points you must keep in mind:
1. your wife is talking crap that is all designed to facilitate her affair
2.
her affair is temporary so it would be INSANE to make any permanent changes based on her temporary insanity 3. you cannot reason with a falling down drunk
Your job will be to continuously inject the greatest amount of REALITY into her affair fantasy. Great ways to do this are:
1. expose the affair to the OMW, employers, family and children - when forced to see herself through the eyes of others she will awaken from the fantasy. she will be shocked to see the disgust and disappointment on the face of others - THIS IS VERY POWERFUL
2. do not - DO NOT - cooperate with any divorce or separation schemes. Tell her you will only discuss marital recovery - you will NEVER cooperate. Tell her she will have to get a court order for absolutely everything. If she thinks you will lie down easily she will be emboldened. fighting any legal action will drag it out and buy you some time while the affair crumbles.
3. tell her if she files for D or separation that you will counterfile on the grounds of ADULTERY and will call the OM and his wife as material witnesses to give sworn testimony under oath
4. you will not allow her to take a penny of family money to move out and pursue her affair [protect your finances NOW!!]
5. and most importantly: YOU WILL NOT BE HER FRIEND. you must understand the deeper meaning behind this point. See, a WS will ask you to be their "friend" so that you will not complain while they stick it to you. This means they do not want to face any consequences. let her know that you will not have a "friend" who lies to you and cheats on you. you will be her husband if she ends her affair, though.
The entire reason she wants to leave is so she can have her drug of choice. Keep this in mind. So your job is to kill her affair and cause as much conflict as possible. Once her affair is over, then you can work on turning your marriage around.