Yes Mel I think we're all in agreement here. I think Jennifer is great with a WS committed to recovery as was SMB & TST's case. But when it comes to a active wayward, Steve would be my only choice.

He said he would DIVORCE JOYCE. That is WHY he wouldn't use them. A person who wants a divorce wouldn't NEED Plan A and Plan B. And Joyce wouldn't use them because she "would KILL Dr Harley!" If Dr Harley was DEAD, she would have no NEED of Plan A!

But he also mentioned that none of us really knows until it happens.

I found out that my WW spent most of the day driving around to places. I asked her in front of the kids if she drove the car today and my step-son said "yeah we drove all over the place!" WW couldn't lie in front of them. I asked where they went and WW wouldn't tell me.

I tried hard not to love-bust but I didn't do very well. I told her that I didn't think it was a wise idea to drive the kids around all day while the car had brake problems. She got really upset and accused me of insulting her intelligence and her judgement. Then I said "I think you have been making poor decisions lately." I wasn't harsh but it definitely wasn't avoiding LBs.

As for where they went. My step-son said that they went to a lot of "offices" today. I don't know for sure but they could have visited divorce attorneys, government assistance offices, or possibly places for job applications.

I'm worried that she is going to get the upper hand by filing for divorce before I do. Will that hurt my chances of getting full custody? I'm seriously considering ending Plan A and going straight to plan B or Plan D. I'm beginning to doubt whether my marriage is salvageable at this point. I don't know what to do. I'm just worried about what WW is doing. She might be planning to take the kids away from me somehow.

I did sneak the OMs phone number off her cell phone today while WW was changing diaper and it turns out he lives on the other side of the state line which is why I couldn't find him...

Anyway. Anyone have any advice? Thank you,

Erich

If I were you I would talk to a lawyer immediately. Save guard your finances and you children, file for D is you have to. This is most important. Do this before anything else

3 marriages by the time she is 30? There is nothing you can do to save this marriage. This woman has already shown she does not value marriage.

However, one thing you can do is put yourself in a good position for custody. Your WW regularly abandons you on the weekends to be with OM. Document this. Does she watch the kids during the week?

Anyway, you need to get with a lawyer and devise the best strategy possible for maitaining custody. If not, you will lose custody, and will be paying this woman a ton of child support to raise your child (with a different scumbag guy every few years, possibly some child molesters in the bunch) to be someone incapable of a relationship themselves. Protect your child from this woman. Tell your lawyer you want full custody and ask him the best way to attain it.

I've been researching custody info on the internet and it seems like it is virtually impossible for the father to obtain full custody. It seems that the best I can hope for is more visitation time... I'll meet with a lawyer to find out my options.

The OM said the following to my WW in an email (he didn't know I would see this):

*********************************************************
Just a side note---there is no chance in hell, even with all the money in the world that he would get custody just because he thinks you are a bad mother. Take it from me, I technically DID NOT get custody after $28,000, and a pile of incriminating evidence such as recorded admitted cocaine addiction, documented abuse and neglect (hand shaped bruises, testimony given by a pediatrician of 30 years "their is no doubt in my mind that these children are being abused", repeated burns, severe blistering bloody diaper rashes, and prominent sexual promiscuity suggesting sexual abuse documented by a child psychologist. His threats, no matter how confident he is, are idle.
That doesn't mean that you want to go through any of it, but I just thought that you should know just how difficult it is for a man to get custody in this society.
You would have to give up on your children, and we both know that is not going to happen
**********************************************************

The only thing going for me is that my WW has been arrested twice for striking he ex-H's and had to take anger management classes. Technically my WW only left me for one weekend and we both agreed that I would watch our son. She's hasn't done that since and I don't think she will again, since OM doesn't want to meet with WW in person until her marriage with me is officially over, as far as I can gather...

There are cases here where the man won custody. Medc, Eph525, Gale - there's a few around. It is possible.

Do all you can to get your kids away from this evil woman! She is having an A with an ex junkie whose kids were abused according to a padeitrician! FORGET PLAN A or B. PLAN D!

Save your kids

Erich, remember why he is telling her all this. He is pressuring her to LEAVE YOU and support herself. She is coming up with excuses why she can't do this. This is in answer to her reluctance.

The more he pushes, they more lovebusting he will cause. She wants to be supported. She does not want to have to move out before Christmas and get a job. Nor does he want to have to support 3 kids who have 3 fathers.

Does she have ALOT OF MONEY to retain a lawyer and fight for custody?

She has no money and she does not want to go get a job. So, just hang back and don't worry yourself unless and until you are contacted by an attorney. If you are contacted by an attorney, then you can worry.

Who are you going to believe, OM or your lawyer? You get the best lawyer and ask him how to get you the most amount of custody possible.

She is telling him "I cannot leave because I will lose custody of my son...."

She does not want to leave. He pressures her by countering her objections and pushing her to get a job.

The more pressure, the more lovebusting....

Mel, I feel like I'm botching plan A because I keep LOVEBUSTING.

Today, I told my wife it was a poor decision to drive our kids around with the "check brakes" light on and that she could have asked me to help out (but of course she wouldn't because she's up to something...).

Later tonight, my wife mentioned me getting every other weekend when we're divorced and that she'd like me to be flexible if she ever needed to switch a weekend due to one of the other dads needing to switch weekends. I took the opportunity to re-iterate that I would be filing for full custody and then she said that there is no chance in heck that I'd get full custody, and I shot back at her with "that's not what my attorney says." Which I haven't really spoke to a divorce attorney yet but my religious leader is a lawyer and he hoped that I would get full custody, so I kinda twisted the truth..

She told me it was evil of me to attempt for full custody because she is a good mom. I replied back to her with "YOU'RE telling ME what evil is?" and "I don't feel comfortable with my son being raised full time by an unrepentant adulterer."

Yikes. Lovebusting all over the place. I need to staple my mouth shut.

I think I'm just getting nervous about all this. I'm too close to the situation. I'm stressed about this whole thing and it doesn't make it easy to relax and be cool and not get upset with WW. I felt better when I knew what my WW's moves were from reading her chats. Still waiting for an opportunity to re-infect her computer..

She is out driving the car right now, speaking to OM on the phone. I only hope that she and him are lovebusting more than I am....

It is an uphill battle to win custody of a 2.5 year old. Prevailing belief is that toddlers should be with their mother and siblings (the step children whom you can't get custody actually benefit her argument for custody).

It still all comes down to the judge and how you fight it. Joint custody with 50-50 visitation is likely the best case scenario and if she'll agree to that upfront (which many a wayward wife has in order to get a quickie divorce and be with OM) then you've got some thinking to do.

Considering this will be her third divorce...she's likely not that afraid of the process and knows the ropes. This is a disadvantage.

An advantage could be...if the other children's fathers are on your side and willing to tesify on your behalf. That could be a bonus. Maybe one of them wants to petition for custody of their kid and could open up another front for WW to battle.

Do you fight for your marriage and risk losing the opportuntity to save a ton of lawyer fees (she'll be motivated to not have the expense of fighting too) and potentially settle for 50-50 custody?

I can't answer that and neither can you...yet. Consult with an attorney in your state about your chances and, if you haven't already, start documenting the crap out of EVERYTHING.

Mr. Wondering

Thats ok.


Thats exactly the kind of stuff you need to be telling her. She needs to be reminded often that you will not cooperate in the destruction of this family and will fight her to keep your son out of her affair. Tell her that you don't want your son ever exposed to the OM.

Let her know you will be filing on the grounds of ADULTERY [your state is a fault state] and will be calling the OM to testify under oath about the affair. <-----she will report this back to the OM which will cause more conflict in the affair.


Adultery is evil.


You are conveying the right messages, but you just have to do it in a way that is not angry or disrespectful.


When she is driving around all night? Have you downloaded the keylogger??


Can you deadbolt the door? Make her knock and knock for about 30 minutes before you open it? "oh, where have you been??"

Please understand she is trying to SCARE YOU INTO COOPERATING WITH her scheme to destroy your family. If you cooperate you will get exactly that. Remember, she does not have the money to retain and attorney.

I you can get a 50/50 custody deal with her I would take it in a heart beat! It's going to be difficult for you to get full custody (not impossible but improbable)

And I say this because its my opinion that this M shouldn't be saved, so there's no point in ending up broke aswell as divorced

I would MUCH rather recover my marriage if my wife would end her affair. I don’t want a divorce. But if she is stubborn enough to continue this affair and continue her life pattern, I feel like I should file for full custody.

HER parents actually were the ones who first suggested it. I hadn’t even considered it until they suggested it. They said that my wife gets her security from her children and that if she were to have that security jeopardized, it might wake her up to reality. I don’t want to remove our son from her life at all, but I would like control over how much time he spends with her based on what my WW is doing with her life.

She used to be a drug addict, has had hundred of sex partners when she was a teenager and in her early twenties. She hasn’t done any of that in almost a decade now, but what if she decides to go back to that again? I just don’t trust her at this point because she is willing to have an affair and throw away our marriage even though it will hurt our kids…

As of right now, I'm using full-custody threat as a scare tactic to apply pressure to her A. But if push comes to shove, I really would like to have legal custody.

Does it matter who files first? If not, I'll just wait for her to file...

I downloaded the keylogger but she has a password on her computer now so I can't access it. I have to wait for the right opportunity when she is home and has left her computer open but is away from the room long enough for my Mission Impossible move.

I believe that one can bypass a password in DOS. Can anyone more computer savvy help this poor man.

Also, as you already said, don't harp on divorce or such details. remember the watchword: "We talk marriage, the lawyers talk divorce"

Hey, you won't be the first nor last to LB. Just so long as you can learn from the mistakes...

It doesn't need to be a mission impossible move. Just grab the computer and put your spy software on the computer and block out her ways of contacting OM. It's your house too. When she hits you after you grab it, call the cops and get her removed from the home. Then, finish your installation.

Quit avoiding conflict.

Oh, and next time, don't marry someone with that kind of history. I know it is not PC these days to rule out certain types of people as marriage partners. Society will tell you, "we all have our own demons to battle," "you shouldn't judge others," and, "we all make mistakes," but you need to realize that you are taking a huge unneccessary risk by marrying such a damaged person who is uncapable of having a real relationship. It's not your job to save her. Having children with these kind of people just creates more damaged people.