Yeah that hurt me to. She apologized to me and the girls, but it did not seem very remorseful. All she seemed to be worried about was how much trouble she was going to be in and not that she had risked the safety of our kids, and maybe even the safety of someone else. When we separated for two weeks back in June 07 my W told me that she needed some time to figure out why she broke my trust with OM1 and why she had let her guard down. Look now I guess she never figured it out. If I mention any of this to her she says that I am living in the past. If I ask her why she is doing this to the family she says the same thing. I live this everyday because she goes to work out there and is around OM1 and OM2 all day long. she never understood how hard that is. If I had things to do over I would have found this site after OM1 and started MB with her, but I did not know about this site then. Now somedays I feel like it could be to late to rebuild.

Are you high?

This woman knowingly endangered their lives, continues to endanger their mental health and stability, and you worry about "taking them away?"

Dude, she's THROWING them away.

What would it take for you to DADDY UP and realize that this woman is not BEHAVING like a mom and she is PHYSICALLY incapable of being a mother till she gets her life straight?

I'm thinking the only way you're gonna "get it" is for one of the children to be INJURED while in mommy dearest's care.

What kind of dad ARE you?

SHE WILL NOT MOMMY UP ANYTIME SOON.

Better one parent than NO parents...and your continued INaction is proving that NEITHER of you are putting them first right now.

Do you have to catch them in bed to have proof. What you have written here is proof enough. Expose to everyone, including your kids, file separation with full custody, go plan B three months, if WW does not come around then plan D.

Because if you don't, you will most likely end up divorced anyway, but your children will be living with WW and OM.

**edit**

You have no right questioning my integrity as a father. If you have read my post you should be able to see what kind of dad I am. Who in the he11 do yo uthink is taking care of them right now while my W is being like she is. It is not a gost it is their dad. I know what she is doing to them and you can bet that I will be there to protect them. My kids alwasy come first before anything. Who do you think cooks their dinner, helps them with their homework, attends school functions with them, palys with them, gives them attention? That is the dad I am. I am here for help with my sitch not have my integrity questioned so can we get back to that. Everyone says I have not acted, but you are not here to see what actions I perform on a daily basis. No i do not need to catch them in bed to have proof, but right now there is nothing there to expose with. Reading posts on this site everyone that exposed has more proof than I have. all I have is where my w and om are texting and om in the car with my w after work. That is all. I see on here where people had emails, and all sorts of things before they exposed, and I don't have that concrete of a case. In the end I think that is why OMW would not beleive me because all I could tell her is how much they were texting.

I KNOW you are there for the girls.

They are being hurt BY HER RIGHT NOW.

Today, HF. Today, she is hurting them because you don't think you have "enough" yet.

Tomorrow, she will continue to hurt them because you ALLOW this to be in their lives.

I'm going to tell you, because of my INaction with the Wookie, we've had to spend these years of recovery FIXING the damage that my continued ALLOWING my husband to walk on us did my 9 year old. He was slow to potty train. He wet the bed. He acted out in school. You name it, until he FELT SECURE AGAIN that child did it.

Every day, you are ALLOWING this in your home is a day's worth of damage to your littles.

I do not want that for ANY children.

For them, HF...stop this insanity for them...install the jammer in your home today. It doesn't matter the brand...make it HARDER for your ww to text. She goes into the bathroom, knock on the door.

Put.

Your.

Foot.

Down.

It doesn't matter the "proof" right now. What matters is your CHILDREN continuing to live with a daddy who is SEETHING inside because mommy is insisting upon living in turmoil and sowing wild oata.

Did you tell her parents at the lunch that their daughter will be awhile in the bathroom because she needs to talk with her latest OM/boyfriend!!! I would have brought it out right their and put her on the defensive. Then inform them and her at the table that if this didn't stop that a divorce will be filed after the holidays and you would be seeking full custody.

This is the second time you have been through something like this and it probably won't be the last. She need to be knocked from the tree and anything less than full disclosure and monitoring and counseling that divorce will be the answer.

I do have it in the best interest of my girls. I am telling you that if it were not for my girls my W would have been out on her posterior already. I do have it to the point where she does not text in front of them. I do knock on the door on ocassion. I have ordered a jammer and it should be in by tomorrow. I am doing everything right now for my girls. Nothing for me just my girls. I guess I am a little lost as to how everyone can see this is actually an A, but my doubts are still there. Maybe it is from the gaslighting as people call it that is causing me to not be able to see completely through her fog. I read something the other day that said that WS keep the bS hanging around so that they can have the security of the BS while having the excitment of the other life. My wife is definitely living another life. She has no idea what is going on around her even in her own home, and I knwo she is not being a good role model for two young girls. I am trying to protect those girls and show them that what mommy is doing is not the right thing to do. You knwo what the funny thing is when there is a discussion about the girls or I tell my w that the girls need her she alwasy comes to her own defense by saying I am a good mother. Where? How? That is the questions that I would like her to look in the mirro and be able to answer. she has single handly tore this family apart and can not even see that.

No i did not say anything yet. My w told me once that her parents knew that she was texting OM, I know now by the way that they wre acting towards me was a big lie. Her dad talked with me all night. He is a pastor and I know he would not approve of it. While she was in the bathroom so long what was so strange is that her dad kept looking at the door and then looking at me. Her parents really talked to me more last night then they did her. Maybe they since something is going on, and when I tell them I just know they are going to be shocked.

Actually, you're enabling her, so she is getting help from you in tearing apart the family. Unfortunately, YOU cannot even see that.

iam - I do not feel like I am enabling her to do anything. I can not tell her what to do or not to do. she will even tell you that. I can not stop her from texting, but I can make it difficult and I am. I told her just the other day when I seen her cell phone bill for the month (which is $146) that I would no longer help pay for it, if she could not pay for it and it gets shut off good. Who carries a cell phone bill that high anyway that is not a traveling sales person.

Hogfan, I too am from a neighboring southern state. I have kept up with your story from your posts here and my heart goes out to you. I read in your posts that you are torn between knowing in your heart that there is something going on and WANTING to give her the benefit of the doubt. I have alot I want to say to you so bear with me as I try to keep my thoughts in order.....

1. Regardless of whether or not she has had sexual relations with this OM....the relationship she DOES have is inappropriate for several reasons. The first reason is that it makes you uncomfortable, she is secretive about it, and it is taking her away both pysically and emotionally from her family. If this was the FIRST time she had done something like this I would tend to be a LITTLE more understanding but it is NOT. Spouses that have had one affair have to be completely transparant in all the relationships with other people forever and ever.

2. You keep saying that you DID expose to the OMW and that she pretty much blew you off. You say that you don't have any new evidence that the relationship is any more than texting and him sitting in your wife's car. First married people (IMO) have NO REASON to be texting another person of the opposite sex for any reason. Second, married people certainly DO NOT sit in a person of the opposite sex car, FOR ANY REASON. Play hardball with this OMW. Tell her that you know the text messages have included the words I LOVE YOU and that you are very uncomfortable with this. Tell her that you are asking for her help in bringing this inapproriate relationship to an end and that if it doesn't stop that you are considering legal action against her husband. For some reason, when the word ATTORNEY or LEGAL are brought up it often times gets the persons attention. TELL HER THIS TODAY....without using the excuse that you don't have any more evidence. Don't worry about anticipating what she will or won't say!

3. Go to your wife today and say the same thing that I have said in #2. Tell her that regardless of WHAT the relationship is with the OM.....that it bothers you and that it has to stop or you are going to file for legal seperation and take the girls with you. She is DARING you to take a stand as a MAN. Trust me when I tell you this...I was once DARING my husband to do the exact same thing. Every day that you continue to allow her to text message another man, she looses respect for you. She knows that you know something is not right and she has gone to great lengths to cover her tracks and is just waiting for you to find it out. When you are in that fog you become a master criminal minded person. It becomes a game to the WS as to how far you can go without getting caught. Make demands that require immediate action on her part and give her consequences that you are prepared to follow up with if the demands are not met.

3. Your oldest daughter is watching to see what you are going to do. In fact, she has point blank asked you what you are going to do. In reality you are teaching her what a MAN is supposed to do in this situation. She will remember what has happened and will allow her own husband to be passive from what you are teaching her. I know that you are an awesome dad (from what you have said) but in all actuality you are really endangering your children emotionally by allowing your wife to continue to FLAUNT her affair in your and their faces. PLEASE think about this and use this to motivate yourself to take action TODAY....YOU DON"T NEED ANY FURTHER EVIDENCE....if the relationship is causing you THAT MUCH STRESS AND WORRY.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

P.S. I just read your last post and YES YOU CAN TELL HER WHAT TO DO AND NOT TO DO....you are MARRIED TO HER....and her actions are harming you and your children. You may not be able to stop her from doing it, but you can't make arrangements NOT TO BE THERE for her to do it TO YOU!@!!!!!

You could have grabbed the phone right here and read what it said.


You should have left her at the restaurant in the bathroom texting. When she threw a fit, say the children wanted something else, so we left.


OMG. You could have grabbed the phone after a text, showed it to her mom and dad and exposure would have been complete. she would not have beat you up in front of her parents at the concert.

Call your father in law. As a pastor he's more than likely counseled plenty of people in this situation.

I doubt he will see her texting OM and neglecting her children in a positive light- and he can put some pressure on her.

Do you have a copy of the cell bill so you can show him how many texts they have exchanged? I can't remember if you said no earlier or not.

At any rate, regardless if it's physical or not, I cannot see a PASTOR supporting his daughter in this situation. She's investing time on the phone and texts that she should be spending with her husband and grandchildren.

Just friends my tail.

Call her dad NOW.

With text messages, you could not read the old ones. You could only intercept new ones. sim card readers do not work on sim cards made after about 2003, as i tried myself. i have read phones with windows on them can have a keylogger or something installed on them to forward the text to another phone. christmas is right around the corner.

wifeofacoach - Thanks so much for your post. I have told my w that I do not like it and I am very uncomfortable with it. All she says is that she is not doing anything wrong, and I can not tell her who she can be friends with. we are not having an affair blah, blah. I have told her several times to stop. She does not know that I knwo OM was in the car with her, and I do not want to mention that to her until I have talked with OMW. If I mentioned that to my w she would just say they were talking. This does bother me a lot, and I know that my oldest D is watching what I am going to do. She even seen me take the phone from my W and she thought that I did the wrong thing. As my thread starts out I do not know really where to go from here. I know that when I tell the OMW what I do know now about OM being in the car with my W that it is going to upset her. When I did talk with her the first time I could tell by her voice that she was upset. I know I need to expose and do it today, and I know how furious my w is going to be. You ahve invaded my privacy, all of the things that she says. I knwo that what she is doing is not right for married people to do. I have even commented to her that she does not even act like she is married, she is acting like a teenager. She will reply with I am 40, but I am not dead. I will then tell her that yeah, you are 40 and a mother of two with a H and not single. It is jsut a big battle, so I finally quit saying anything. I get really confused as to why someone would betray their H or W and then act liek they are not doing anything wrong, and continue to leave I love you messages, or notes, or whatever. I beleive that they do it to keep thier security of the betrayed spouse. I do not know how to end this or blow it up, and I do not know if I will ever get my marriage back. Our marraige was always great. Spent a lot of time together, did things together, held one another, etc., etc. Now my w is so far gone that I do not knwo what to do. Nothing I do seems to regain her respect. I love my w and my kids, and right now I have to show my girls the right way, and I am trying even as hard as it is to be with my w.

I can not even get into her phone to install something like that. How would I get into her phone to do that when it is password protected. Does anyone know how to figure out an online cell phone account password.

I could not have grabbed the phone from her in front of all of those people. It would not have looked good.