Ok.. lots to address in this one.. I'm looking I believe the number was 178 nights/year which is darn close to half. The tax situation was addressed though, as part of negotiations I get to claim him every other year, however one of the 'creative' things we did regarding the debt was that the 'difference' in me filing single and me filing with him on my taxes every other year gets contributed towards her portion of the marital debt.. it's a little odd I suppose but was a concession I'd make given that with my tax bracket the 'difference' amounts to about $100 every two years.. the custody agreement was worth it. I do wonder though that if I owe, does that mean she owes me? Hmmm..

You're right SD.. and honestly I'm in no hurry.

I'll leave a few for you, but you and I -are- going to have to go on a 'fishing' expedition next time you're in the windy city. I'll make the drive.. there's a nice little pizza joint off Wacker and Michigan that I need to get back to.

Email me on that question with a little more detail perhaps. I'm not sure which years your talking about and whether there is an opportunity to game it a bit.

I also wonder whether the agreement requires you to sign the proper forms in "her" years.

Mr. Wondering

Hello James! I'm so happy to hear that you got the additional time that you were requesting...not exactly the best outcome but super awesome compared to what you had before!

I'm looking forward to hearing the answers to Mr. W and Medc's questions...

Welcome to the world of being single! I have to back up BC's statement of the M feeling like years ago! No drama, more peace!

I have a court date set for March 4th to settle community property. I'm really nervous about it and the only reason we have it is becasue POWS had not responsed to our proposals...I wish I would have been so lucky to have everything settled when I walked out of court like you guys! I really could use some help getting my ducks in a row for that one with the contempt of court and all!

I'm locked in to two weekday overnights per week, and alternating weekends Fri-Sun.


This is handled by our state guidelines.. and actually several pages back I pasted a portion of an email I had to send to her the first week of October to remind her of this situation.


I really may take some time to think about this.. honestly I've reached DONE, so my initial gut reaction to this question is 'what'd be the point in it?'..

I did see my ex's coworker friend.. shared an elevator on the way down from the courtroom. I think she was there on other business, not to be a witness as she wasn't there in time to be sworn if she was.. I barely recognized her.. but I said hello.. and she looked at me apologetically.. asked if I was going to be alright.. I just shrugged and said 'Well.. she's your wet baby now.'... her response? 'Heh... yeah.. you have -no- idea.. well.. yeah you do.. I'm sorry.' ... we're on for drinks next weekend. I think she's fishing for some kind of advance warning about her soon to be daughter in law.


It actually works out to 178 I believe the number was.. so just a handful of days under 1/2 which is a really good start. As for medical and schooling etc.. we have joint legal.. I'm keeping him on my insurance, and will be saving almost as much as the $55 per week in support by dropping her and DSD from my insurance.. (the company will force me to do this.. I'd actually still cover DSD if I could.).


I'm 100% in agreement with you here MEDC.. I'm in no rush, and I've learned a lot going through this. I won't be making the same mistakes again.

And it's ok..I know you want to congratulate me on having that 'evil woman' out of my life officially.. go ahead. I can take it.. and I'll thank you in advance for it.

Just wanted to take a sec before I got into this next one to give some major to Luna... thanks for all your support throughout all this.. you've been a godsend. Things will sort themselves out from this point.. and I'm faithful that I'm on the road to healing fully now.


Hey BC.. I think you're right.. I already feel an amazing sense of relief and a weight off my shoulders tonight.

The lack of uncertainty.. and the lack of having to scrutinize the last year and a half of my life to find an advantage I can use to get DS.. well it allows me to turn my eyes towards a brighter future without her in it rather than a broken and shattered history at her hands.

At least its all over now James and you can get on with your life. I can't believe you had WW on your insurance all this time though?

On a totally different note, did you ever run into Shannon Hoon, Axl Rose or Izzy Stradlin there in indiana?

Hey Mr. W.. I'm not really sure about any more detail than I get to claim him every other year.. I claimed him this year, so she'll get to claim him on her '08 return.

Feel free to email me with any specific questions you have about the agreement and I'll let you know what I do.. I should be able to look over the paperwork tomorrow or Wednesday.


Ugh.. fortunately the property thing was settled entirely, and I'm pretty much keeping everything.. so a 'win' there.. sorta.. I'll keep you in my prayers as you work through all that Rin.. but for me, the property stuff was the easy part.

I'll get it all figured out soon enough... but honestly.. right now, I'm just relieved.. I think I'll go next weekend and see if someone can get these rocks out of my back.. till then the chair massager I bought her for Christmas 3 years ago will have to suffice... her loss.. it's pretty thorough.

Yup.. I couldn't let DSD go without medical coverage if I could help it.. my conscience just couldn't abide it. WW was a necessary evil to accomplish that at the time.. so you have what you have.

I never directly met Shannon, but having been part of the Lafayette music scene from around '94 on.. I know members of his family and extended family.. I know lots of people who went to high school with him. Oddly enough he was a bit of an enigmatic jock in high school by all accounts.. no 'romantic' rise to rock stardom in the story.. it's just kinda something he fell into from what I understand..

The guitar player in my current band though was one of Kyle Cook's best friends and still occasionally has contact with him which is pretty cool I guess..

Lots of Indiana boys made it big.. but we're still not considered much of a music mecca as it were.. too much corn, not enough liberals.. not that that's an entirely bad thing.

You may be really surprised that he had her on the insurance up untill now, but he had no legall ground to take her off untill the divorce was finnal. If he had, then he would have been liable for "all medical bills" up untill the day of divorce, benn there did that and had to pay...Amazeing how many of you people act like you know the law....Internet forum Attorney's, that's funny

And what about John Mellencamp???

Glad things were acceptable to you. It seems that you did better than maybe you thought possible. Foxy's right - they're never perfect.

I'm probably the next one to pull in at the D Station and get off. In a way I envy you (it's over) and in a way I don't (it's over). I just hope the peace is worth the price paid by all.

to you. You made it.......

And I have the most wonderful 27 year old that works for me. I would adopt her if I could. We're just a 2-3 hour drive East. She might even like a BSBP....

Haha.. ol Johnny Cougar. I think you're not allowed to claim Indiana citizenship without having officially met the guy.

Actually we considered recording at his studio outside of Bloomington, which is about 15 minutes away from where my business partner (audio reinforcement company) is getting ready to buy a house.

I'm sorry that you look to be the next one on the line, but I -can- promise you that there is relief on the other side. The last couple of weeks are difficult for sure, and a total mixed bag of emotions.. but honestly.. even just 12 hours later, I'm feeling an amazing sense of peace, calm, and relief.

Of course.. it could just be that I'm tired enough to sleep for a month.

I'm sure though my experience won't be all that divergent from what others here have gone through.. I'm sure I'll have my moments, but I have to say that I honestly think things are better for me this way.. No more limbo.. no more wondering what's going to happen.. no more playing the what if game.

Peace is around the corner Chai.. if it is unavoidable, choose to embrace it.

There you go, you summed it all up right there...it's set in stone and there's no going back and changing that...becasue YOU know that YOU are not going to do anything to mess that up...EXWW on the other hand has a good opportunity to mess up her end and all the better for you...

I was hit with so many idle threats and lies that it was extremely hard for me to keep my head on straight...had to come up with a long list of witnesses to prove that his lies were indeed not valid... thank God for MB and all of the posts that I had too, to refresh my memory with dates and times of his stuff he pulled...MOF, the more I think about it the better I feel about going to court...especailly after the conversation that OS and I had tonight about his dad...which I posted on...it's been a long time since I've had to post my stuff in this way...

Actually, it occured to me that I'm BACK in that What if stage...Jesus, I haven't been here in a long time...I think you said earlier that it was the mental fatigue...POWS tires me out easily...the financial stuff is the last of the enmeshment, you know?

Okay James...congrats!!!!!!!


I didn't realize you were getting Sunday overnight as well.

I'm still not seeing how they got to 178 given what you laid out. That is basically a one day with her..one with you scenario...and except for 25% of the year, you don't have that.

You will be fine James. This really will be the start of a better life for you. Kiss her sad, miserable, cheating asss goodbye.

Please be aware that there is a pretty good chance she will be getting "married" sooner rather than later. Just be prepared for it. It may impact your child support obligation as well...depending on how your state factors income.

Actually I'm not getting Sunday overnights, however the situation is different in that when there is a true joint physical custody situation, typically the only 'extra' time for either parent is the holiday schedule. In my case however I made sure that she stipulated that I get what is guaranteed in the parenting time guidelines PLUS 2 overnights per week..

The guidelines change this year because DS turns 5, so instead of 4 weeks Sunday - Sunday per year (28 overnights) I will get 1/2 of the summer break which works out to around 6 weeks or (42 overnights).. now I can take that in 2 segments or all at once, though I have to give her one evening (not overnight) per week and every other weekend during that span.. so it really works out again to about 36 overnights.. In reality.. all that considered I will have DS more than 1/2 the time, though she is still listed as having custody and is thus responsible for 2/3 of his medical out of pocket costs while I will be paying the insurance, and a very modest amount in 'support'.

To be honest with you.. on the custody deal, she got screwed.

And my time with him goes up via the guidelines as he gets older.. as it works out by the time he's an adolescent I'll have him about 2/3 of the year.. that is if he hasn't decided to come live with me full time already at that point.

Basically if you consider it: standard guidelines give me 98 overnights per year.. given that I get an additional 2 overnights each week now, that's another 104 days, minus days that she'll have him due to her holidays and it really works out to more than half the time still.. but we sold it as 178 days on average.

Oh Rin... I can't imagine what I'd do if I had to go through that again.

The what if part is the worst.. and it does make you completely emotionally and mentally tired.. This will all be over soon for you though right? Then you can reclaim your peace.. I'll try to catch up with everyone in the next day or so.. still trying to get my stuff all sorted and done.

Yep, it will be done! I'm better today, of course the day time is easy...filled with work!

Look forward to hearing from you!

James...I am no math major...but if you take 4 overnights per 14 ay period for 9 months...and add in 36 days for the summer...you are not even getting close to 178 overnights.

It actually works out to be about 114 days. Where are the extra 60+ days coming from??? I must be missing something real simple here...but in order for you to have 178 overnights you would have to basically have equal time with your wife. That is not the case except for three months in the summer.

What am I missing? Do the math my friend.

I think the 2 overnights per week are in addition to every other weekend, so that would be 6 overnights every 14 days.

Is that right Jamesus?

Well, congratulations and I'm sorry James. You have your son half the year, which is a definite win right now. THat's great! That nice, long stretch of time in the summer is going to be grand, because you'll get that full-time with him. There won't be all that coming and going, shuttling him back and forth. Good quality time.

I know it's not what you wanted, but I do believe that you will look back one day and see how you narrowly escaped from that wretched woman. You are still quite young, and will rebound from this, I have no doubt