We had our first seesion last night. Wow, all I can say is that that counsellor/therapist is not what we were looking for.

It was pretty much her asking us for an hour, over and over, what physical sensations we have after we say something or have something the other person said about us etc...

no questions about our problems.

Therapist more or less said she wanted to help us with self regulation therapy, and that each of us individually make ourself happy, the marriage will just work out...


/sigh

she compared our feelings to the sensations and reactions that animals have after being attacked.

Self regulation therapy just aint gonna cut it. I even told this ladie that we needed to work on basic marriage concepts, how to meet eachothers needs etc... and even after saying that all she did was ask me "how does that make you feel"

$90 out the window,
looking for new counsellor today.

I think that is a good idea. Dont you want to help yourself and then each other ? Who else knows about you and your spouse better than you two ?



exactly. You need to go back to your basics in addition to working on yourself. First on yourself....as then as a couple.

What exactly are you looking for in a MC ? Or do you even need one ?

I guess what I'm looking for is a actuall pro-marriage counselling, based on similar concepts a sDr Harley. I think we can each do our own IC on the side, but if youve read my posts its clear that my M needs help.

This is what self regulation therapy is... to me this looks like the ladie thinks this therapy will teach us to release ecxess energy built up by trauma/stress, but she doesnt say that she uses anything other than this therapy. so how does this help my wife and I learn how to meet eachothers needs? avoid LB's etc...

[i]SELF REGULATION THERAPY[/i]
When we are threatened by danger, big or small, our brain instantly floods our nervous system with hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol, and our bodies respond in one of three ways: fight, flight or freeze. When the crisis is over, this excessive arousal needs to be discharged from our body by reactions such as shaking, quivering, crying, yelling, until our system has returned to a normal level of activation. When we do not sufficiently discharge the stimulation triggered by these scarey or alarming events, they leave an imprint on our autonomic nervous system (ANS).

Our culture does not support ‘quivering and crying' - we approve of having a stiff upper lip - and therefore the excess traumatic energy is stored in our bodies where it builds over time until we have an overflowing ‘container'. This means one little incident may tip us over the edge and we have a huge overreaction. Meanwhile, we have been easily over-stimulated, perhaps quick to anger and impatience, and generally feeling low levels of anxiety or perhaps depression. We have lost our capacity for being resilient in the face of adversity and cannot maintain emotional stability. SRT reduces this excess energy charge by working gently and carefully with body sensations, which are the language of our autonomic nervous system. This is done with client and therapist each sitting comfortably in their chairs. There is no touching and no need to retell traumatic events.

sounds a lot like fog babble

behavioral coaching improves marriages

that's basically what Harley is all about

feelings follow behaviors

she (counsellor) said CBT and behaviour / talk therapy are not as succesful as this sensation stuff she talks about.

i find this hard to beleive but...

pepper,
i cant tell if you mean this Self Regulation stuff would help or if I would be better off looking elsewhere???

ELSEWHERE