I love my in laws! Just got a call from MIL. OM owes quite a bit of back child support in PA. She just reported him! She also mentioned his trial tommorrow to the authorities (in DE) so it looks like PA is trying to get the bench warrent filed ASAP so he can get served tommorrow when he shows up for his trial! In addition she is going to the trial tommorrow! She wants to have a chat with the prosecutor before the case...

I am soooo glad MIL offered to mediate - she saw my real W and her real D the other night and she wants her back just as much as I do! Plus, it takes a lot of the flak off of me in WW's eyes in regards to the trial.

Wow, that's fantastic news!! Way to go, MIL!!

Bless your MIL. This is big.

How did MIL manage to get that info?

Are you going to hear about the outcome of the trial today from MIL?

Semi bad news - OM's trial was granted a continuance until Jan 26th. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I have my appointment with Jen tonight so hopefully she will have a plan for us to move forward.

B

Oh, man, that stinks. Did he get served for the child support?

Who gets to spend Christmas with your family? You or OM?

We haven't figured out X-Mas yet. That is going to be nasty. it wouldn't surprise me if the kids and I end up at MIL's place while WW and OM spend X-Mas alone in their romantic bliss eating raman noodles!

As for my appointment with Jen, she really likes my 3 pronged approach with WW. Mother is being the good cop, SIL is being the very, very, very bad cop, and I am being the good coparenting partner while we establish two household routines.

For me, I need to be in a modified plan B. With the young kids and DD3's speech issues, I can't go dark. So, for the time being, only communication is about the kids and divorce business. Basically treat her like we are already divorced where we are business partners raising our kids.

Also had a conversation with MIL about WW's post divorce finances. Basically WW continues to look for jobs where she can be flexible for the horses because that is what OM is telling her. With her income from Child Support and her job, after we subtracted out her fixed expenses, she will only have about $350 left over per month for her and the kids to live on. What will OM do when she has to feed the kids instead of buying his cigarettes and booze?

MIL had a good comment about WW's job search - it's almost like she is looking for jobs to have if we were to still be married. I'm the primary wage earner but her job makes a nice contribution but is flexible enough where she can do what needs to be done with the kids. After this, I sent MIL a spreadsheet with what our expenses would look like if we stayed together and lived in my "lifeboat" apartment for a year or so.

B

I, too, am curious where WW gets her money for the new car.

Can you find out?


I'm throwing things out here, but how would WW respond to bribery for Christmas. Y'know a horse drawn carriage trip into the country for a picnic with all the family and a guaranteed no nitpicking truce. All this for old times or children's sake, whatever gets her there.


Please excuse my Machiavellian side. here's another thought: Send a case of beer to your own name on the behalf of a supplier to your farm thanking you for your custom.

Beer + OM + alcoholic = ED + LB's

Just make sure the beer is strong and not that Coors crap that you Americans drink.

SB, are you at a point where you're crossed the line of no recovery? If she were to see her errors tomorrow has the resentment built up in you that R would be impossible?

If money is tight for them why would one want to make it easy for the OM to get drunk. Better to let WW see her OM put himself and his booze first.

I like the "three-pronged approach", too. It's great that you have MIL and SIL on your side like this.

As far as Christmas goes, OM is not allowed around the kids anymore, right? Or does that take effect yet?

IAM,

Jen and I talked about this yesterday. The door is still open to recovery. It will be a long an painful road too. She has to make the first move and SHOW me she wants to recover. As I've learned through this journey, ACTIONS speak much louder than words.

Her sister and I had this conversation too a couple of days ago. She told me that my actions have made a huge impression on her and her mother. If I didn't want her back, I wouldn't be attending BAN meetings, buying every book available on infidelity, scheduling appointments with Jen, and not reaching out to WW's family. The easy way out would have been to kick her to curb and not look back.

B

I see this line of reasoning a lot here ... why is the "hard" thing considered the "right" thing here? Who says the "easy" road isn't the "best" road in these situations?

In many of these situations, BH's miss a golden opportunity to get their WW's to agree to very favorable custody and settlement arrangements, while they are deep in their "fog".

In many cases (OK, MOST), the WW has already left the M, why not use their messed up thinking to the BH's advantage? At least the BH would get some long term benefit to make up for all of this pain and humiliation that they must endure in the interim.

Sorry Road, was the equation unclear?

WW and OM can't afford booze right now. How else does WW get to experience an alky OM who can't get it up?

I agree 100%. Custody is the only good thing that can come from fog. Use it if you can. No one should lose their children because their spouse wanted to cheat.

iam,

We agreed to a shared 50/50 arrangement on custody last week. This was signed, sealed, delivered, and recorded in the courts as well so no more tricks about withholding visitation. Child support was also set which I am very happy about as well.

SIL used the stick portion to help grease the skids for this - she laid out WW's custody case vs mine and told her if she's looking long term she stood a very good chance of losing the kids because of the following which is documented and passes good evidence muster:

- Affair with 2nd cousin relative
- Two PFA's filed and dismissed. Also her getting admonished by the judge in the second case is admissible. All this points towards parental alienation on her part.
- voicemail where she said if I didn't pay child support (no court order to do so + I gave her MORE than required anyways)she would slap another PFA on me
- OM's alcohol problems. Also if OM is found guilty, crimminal record of all household members is the first thing the courts check when we go to court mediation on custody
- the fact that she tried to schedule a psych exam of DS6 without my knowledge even though no custody was filed with the courts.
- my repeated emails and letters from attorney stating under no circumstances are the children to be left alone with OM.

Her case:
- emails from me telling her not to leave the kids with OM.

B

So is OM banned from contact with the kids now?

I don't drink, so wouldn't know about the strength (or anything else) of Coors vs. any other beer. However, you have correctly identified the deviousness of this idea as "Machiavellian." In fact, I'm not sure Machiavelli himself, at his finest, was devious enough to have thought that one up, but he would be proud of YOU, I'm sure!

My only caveat would be that HF would have to be sure the case was delivered on the first day of his 50% custody time so that it could be ingested while his children were safely somewhere else.

tl