My H just got back from vacation from somewhere that he and I had often discussed going to, but we never had enough money. But now, now that he is providing so much child support that he is supposedly worried about bankruptcy, now that he has hired a lawyer who is undoubtedly not cheap, now that he has bought an SUV, now that he has a very limited net income, now that he has forced me to go back to work, now he can afford to go - now that probably someone else is paying for it, and he doesn't have to worry about who's taking care of the kids. Now he can afford many of the luxuries we never could - why would he even think of coming back - he's on permanent vacation with her. All that b*** about how getting a taste of reality destroys the fantasy - his new reality is as good as a fantasy. It's all about money - those who have it can get anything they want, and those who don't get squat.

Nellie1,<BR> I know how you feel. Afte I discover my w's affair she kept telling me how material things didn't matter.<BR>Next thing I know they are to go on a cruise and she telling the kids she gooing to buy a SUV and take them to Disney World and buy a new house. Then she tells me om is promising her no yardwork, and trips anytime she wants.<P>I'm not sure where he was getting his money, he makes less than I do. She said he invested wisely but I don't believe that either. SHe said he borrowed money so thats wheer I expect it all came from.<P>What I'm trying to say is that wait till all these bills come home to roost. He is still in his fantasy phase and nothing like bills to knock you into reality.<P>My w too was fighting me about child support saying she would have to work full to make it.

RWD,<BR>Unfortunately, my H's OW seems to have a lot of money - she probably did quite well in her divorce settlement with her ex, who probably made a lot of money. I have noticed a few people here for whom financial security was one reason they did not leave their spouse, but not to many whose OP was wealthier. My H grew up poor, and his happiness level as an adult has always been highly inversely correlated with our debt level. <P>And it is not just the money - now he has no responsibility. For us to go on vacation, we had not find someone to take care of the animals and the kids, or pay for a vacation for 8 people - not an easy or inexpensive task. Now he has no responsibility whatsoever - since he apparently doesn't mind that he only sees his kids occasionally, what is the downside to his new life? I would think he would do everything possible to avoid waking up from this fantasy. <p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited October 18, 1999).]

Nellie1/RWD - <P>I think the fantasy can go on almost indefinetely when one or both of the infidels has $$. My W's OM is a very rich executive...he has taken her on European vacations, trips to San Francisco, he drives an expensive Mercedes and is in the process of buying a $500,000 house where they both will move into.<P>If the OM was an unemployed welfare dad, I think reality would come crashing down much faster.<P>I never thought my W was that shallow.

Nellie,<BR> This is a little off the subject,but along the same lines.Before my W's affair,I could hardly get her to walk up a hill.But she was able to hike for miles with her trophy boyfriend!She,too,likes to spend money,and he makes less than I do.She told me she's going to become more frugal.But having lots of money to spend with me for years,well,we'll see how long that lasts.Take care. --Murph