OMG you have got to be kidding me!!! Yeah and the also the devil comes and tries to appear as light, but he's not...LOLOL
Dear Lord Jesus , let me never hear that from my WS!

BigK, you know I value your input and have been a great help to me, but I'm going to have to disagree with you here. Firstly, I didn't decide that I was over my ex when I met my new partner. Back in march I found out about OM#2, that was the worst and best weekend of my life.

It was the last straw, devestating but it was the turning point. I was completely done after that. For the next 2 months I was single and extremely happy. No way was I ever going back. It was like a light had been switched on in my head. And then totally out of the blue, when I least expected it I was introduced to a wonderful woman. Did I go looking for this? No, but after a few weeks it was obvious that we had unbelievable chemistry. Both our kids are 7 days apart in age. It was all perfect. So who here is telling me that I should have said "sorry Dr Harley says I should wait 2 years before we can date". So I should've let the best thing slip away and possibly never come accross it again? Well I'm sorry I think thats ridiculous. You can't put a time limit on everyone. Some people are never ready. Others are. Its like nobody knows what they will do when faced with infidelity.

And you know I wasn't the happiest camper in my M either. I put up with an extremely selfish WW. I was so blind to this for most of the M but it became very obvious after DS was born. My family loved my WW, she practically grew up in our house. But it became very obvious to EVERYONE around me that she had changed. And knowing what I know now, this wasn't her first A either!

You know, I wasted 9 months of my life on my WW and looking back the only reason I did this is because I WAS SCARED. And from what I see on these boards there are alot of scared BS's out there who would definitely handle things a lot differentely if they weren't so SCARED.

So for all the people here who tell me that I'm not emotionally ready for M, thats you're opinion but I can tell you that I am for the first time in my life with a selfless amazing woman, (who has never been married before) and I don't see what the fact that I am a FBS has to do with it.

sounds like you are making a good and healthy decision for yourself. I wish you the best and continued happiness.

Thank you Medc, I appreciate your well wishes.

You know, I wonder how many BS's (myself included) would even want to recover their M's if they weren't so scared? Maybe thats a whole other thread!

Look - this is no skin off my nose, but you will not find a single psychologist who would recommend jumping into a new relationship without a 2 year or so break from any relationship after a divorce etc.

This is nothing to do with adultery either. It's just not healthy to jump right back into the fray.

But y'all obviously know better and if you "feel" it's ok for you, I sure won't be stopping you.

I attended a divorce care group, and that was one of the first warnings - do not get into another relationship for at least 2 years. Actually, they told us 1 year for every 4 years M, but that's a little crazy. Anyway, lots and lots of reasons why but mainly something physiological dealing with decision making in the aftermath of such emotional trauma. Your decision making skills are impaired and you just don't realize it. Maybe someone who understands that stuff better than I can explain it.

My decision making skills were impaired when I wanted my WW back. They are in perfect condition now. I am not scared. I am totally myself again

Vladie - I totally understand nothing anyone says will make any difference. You're in your own fog now.

It's your life and I wish you happiness.

not true


right back???? Sorry, again, 2 years is an arbitrary number. For some people, they have processed their divorce in months or even before the divorce is final. Others may not do it for 10 years. It depends on the individual.

I totally agree.

What is it about people on MB'ers. Everyone must be painted with the same broad stroke.

People respond differently to these things. Some people have already processed the trauma long before the ink dries on their divorce.

I think some people just have MB fog. It is written therefore it is Gospel.

People are all different.

and for people that actually NEED a divorce care group, this may be sound advice. Others manage to get back on their feet quickly and thrive.

Not only for divorce, but even for those who have been widowed.

This has been on my mind all day. I am SURE there are exceptions (and I expect some of them will post replies) but I have done a mental inventory of everyone I know. Of the many, many couples I know where there has been a death or divorce, a quick remarriage has turned into a disaster in every case but one. In that one case, the betrayed spouse died shortly after remarrying, so we will never know how that would have turned out.

That's true but none of us have anywhere near enough information about almost anyone here to be able to tell the difference.


Yes they are.

They are also the same in many areas.

Most psychologists would echo what Chai said above.

Yes! Divorce or being widowed - same deal.

well, as we all know...most psychologists are better off ignored.

for those that have made a HEALTHY decision to date shortly after divorce or the death of a spouse...feel good about your decision so long as you have processed your grief in a healthy fashion. MB'ers tend to be a bit myopic when it comes to certain things. As a very wise man (Lemonman) once stated...some of the most dysfunctional people on these boards are those in so called recovered marriages.

Be careful....be sure you are done with the marriage. But do what is best for your life. If that means waiting...then wait. If it means getting back in the saddle sooner...do it.

MEDC the whole point is that the person in this situation is not the best judge of any of these things. Their judgement is flawed. They will all belive to their core they are making a healthy decision. Many BS's even believe they are done. THEY believe they have processed their grief in a healthy fashion. But their judgement is probably flawed.

Think of physical wounds - there is a typical recovery time for any given wound. Same for emotional wounds.

That is NOT always the case. You can say it a hundred times...it doesn't make it so.

People respond differently to stress and hurts.

And as with phyical wounds some heal faster than others. As for judgements being flawed, as I've said, my judgement must have been flawed when I wanted my sham of a M with a self indulgent cheater back.

Well all good now! Each to their own I suppose