Well... I am not sure where to go from here.

Caught her with another cell phone, confronted her an asked her to leave. She has moved out.

I anticipate moving straight to Plan D, but I plan to implement the intermediary from Plan B and go to no contact.


Thoughts, suggestions?

Cant

Plan B is a good idea. Get your ducks in a row and go completely dark.

You will find peace during this time. Do things that you enjoy. Start a new hobby. Just lay low. You have plenty of time to file. There isn't any hurry. Just protect your finances and your family. Might be good to talk to a lawyer about now.

oh yeah...and document EVERYTHING!

What type of documentation do I need?

I have all the sordid details written down and a timeline.


I think I am done. There has been too much lying and sneaking around.

She is ready for her life with him.

Cant

What you have sounds fine, but don't stop taking notes. She will try to drag you into the drama when you go dark. Sometimes it's when the WSs do and say the dumbest things.

And this is all for the purpose of protecting you and your family if it should lead to litigation. The courts sre tough on men. And liars lie and she's a liar. So the more info you have written down the better.

So you have your polygraph answer without the polygraph.

At least, all you need to know to take control of your life without being pulled along by her deception.

She confessed to everything.

Says she loves me and the boys and knows that she is messing up, but part of her wants to try this life with her OM.

Oh well, I am done.

What is the best way to handle Plan B darkness with three boys 12,9,3?

She wants to be able to pick them up and bring them home and take them to the apartment.

She is not happy with me going dark, says I need to be an adult.

OH, that is just priceless.

You do what you have to do for your peace of mind. She doesn't HAVE to like you going dark. In fact, that is partly the aim of Plan B.

As for your boys - either get someone you trust implicitly to deal with handing the boys over to her for visitation, or find a family centre (or similar wherever you are) that provides such a service so you don't have to have contact with her. You drop them off and leave, she comes and collects them, then drops them off and you come and collect them.

She has blown the right to have any say in how much contact you have with her.

Like I said they'll say the dumbest thing. Geez.

Others here have gone dark with kids. Basically all situations are handled with your int. No physical,verbal or cyber contact with you. So you need to work out all the details NOW. Only REAL emergencies (Kids are injured, etc) are you willing to communicate. Everything else goes through int.

She can drop off the kids at the door, but she doesn't get to come in. You stay in another area of the home. She doesn't even get to see you. Change the locks on the doors. And don't let her take anything other than what is her personal effects with her. All M property stays in the home. If this gets to be an issue that's when your lawyer will need to step in.

Check out some of the threads on here concerning PLan B. And/or change the title on this thread and call out for some plan B advice for a BH with 3 kids.

Have you written a plan B letter? This basically says to her that so and so is your int and she will need to go through them when she needs to communicate about the kids or finances. (She doesn't get to communicate how she feels or what she thinks, blah, blah, blah. That's drama and your int needs to NOT pass that along. Your int acts as a filter. Only the facts, KWIM?)

You tell her that you want to work on your M and that you still love her(if that is true), but you cannot handle the pain that her A is causing you. You need to protect your feelings for her. You also state what you would need to begin to recover with her. NC forever, MC, IC, complete transparency, polygraph, etc. Whatever you would even consider. Post it here and others will chime in with advice. Then when you are done. You hand it to her and then you go COMPLETELY dark.

You tell your kids. They need to know that their mother is making choices that are hurting you deeply. Give them age appropriate information.