It occurred to me recently that I have not ever spoken of the HUGE step in taking back my life that I did with respect to the monster.

It hasn't played itself out totally, but the task has been completed and how it ends up is in the courts and G-ds hands.

Months ago, WH called up DD and threatened her to tell me that if I didn't put the cell phone bill in MY name he would turn the phones off. So I calmly called up the company and asked them what my options were. Evidently WH had changed the password and I was NO LONGER able to discuss the account.

So, I looked into getting another account, but it was so hard because that was a connection to WH. Even though he doesn't use the cell phone. Well, it dawned on me one day that WH gave HIS CELL to OW and I WAS PAYING for the bill..

Now, I am slow, and there is still life inside of me for R, BUT I'm not STUPID.....I am already owed over 3500.00 from WH so, last month after MONTHS of my children begging me, I went out and got my OWN cell phone service in my OWN name, with a NEW STATE of the ART phone for FREE. And have stuck WH with the bill.

So, being the still reasonable woman that I am, have gladly taken the bill off of what he owes me. Personally I'm willing to keep him accountable and let him have to deal with the bill and MY MONEY. The service has been cut, and I have sent the bill back to the company saying that WH doesn't live here.

In the real world it may seem small. BUT for ME, this is taking a step in being my OWN person and taking care of MYSELF.... A step to LOVING ME....

:happyhanukkah:

Queenie,

Haven't posted to you in a while. I can tell you are doing fine. Keep up the good work, you're continuing to amaze us with your growth.

And yes, walking with God is the most wonderful expierence!

YOU ROCK!

Hi Queenie,


It's a process Queenie...and I think you are doing GREAT!

GO, QUEENIE!!!!!

Just when I think you're finally getting it you turn around and say something like this. What is it going to take for you to stop dreaming about this loser and go out there and get a life. What does this man have to do to awaken you from your foggy fantasy? You are wasting your life away

:happyhanukkah: and :happynewyear:

Thanks so much Kick, Luna, Chai, Cinders, Princess,

I really appreciate your support so much.

What a GREAT QUESTION My, I honestly don't know what the final nail in the coffin will be. But I assure you, I am NOT sitting at home, pining for him. I am out, learning about myself, trying to love myself, healing, living life to the fullest and being a good mom to my kids.

I bought into the Harley's notion this is an addiction. WH albeint a monster that I don't want anything to do with, he is and ADDICT... and I just wanted to give G-d every opportunity to bring him home.

And when I live in today... I can TOTALLY live WITHOUT him. It's when I think it's the REST OF MY LIFE, that it still overwhelms me.

I might be foggy and in a fantasy, but in the end, when I do walk away I will KNOW I gave it my best shot.

But My, thanks for the wake up call and very supportive words...

Your welcome, I'm glad you took my post as it was intended. I'm glad you are not sitting ot home. My other point was you ARE living your life without him!

As for the addiction? Well maybe at the beginning of the A ya. But this has been going on for far too long. And even if the A does end, do you think he'll come running back? Lots don't, my exWW included. Probably not. And if he did what would be his motive? Would you want to accept crack ho's garbage?

You this board is full of people who tell you when the A dies the wayward comes running back. Well in the real world that is not the case more often than not. Not all waywards are fogged out zombies. Some are just cold calculating (censored)!

And I wouldn't be waiting for God to bring him home either. After all He did give us free will, just a shame your WH has choosen a life of misery and destruction. The only one who can save you is YOU. It's all about a healthy attitude and realise you deserve better and actually believing it.

A better life awaits.........that is obviously God's path for you.

Stop dithering and GRAB IT!

I'm doing my darnest to grab the better life that G-d wants me to have.... I really am doing my darnest.

Thanks again,

Queenie,

Remember that only YOU know when it's time to move on.......I know you know this "For nothing is impossible with God" Luke:1

You are doing GREAT..

Angie

Do not let anything, or anyone, keep you from living your life fully.

Hi Angie,

How are YOU? I hope you are doing good. I know only I will know, or actually G-d will let me know.

But the truth is My is right. It's been so long. Surely the fog can't still be there, just a cold calculating man who threw away his family for something more.

You see, I knew I could hold out for him to come home from OW, but there isn't any guarantee that would happen. I wasn't willing to look at the possibility of him ending the A and not coming home.

I'm not really going to go there tonight. It will bring me down and I work far too hard to keep positive these days.

Hugs to you Angie.....

I'm working very hard to not....

It's just very NEW for me.

How are you tonight, Cinders?

I'm sooo happy to hear you say this. Queenie, life is too short, don't waste anymore of yours.

Good nite

Queenie,

We're both doing good. Let's keep it up. I have bad days too, and I also didn't consider that WH wouldn't come back if the A ended, but he didn't. I'll have to work through that, and you may have to at some point too. After what we've been through, it will just be one more step to take.

Just one more step, TOGETHER....



Goodnight, My.... Thanks again.... Reality checks, always hard to swallow at first, but the truth sets me free. The dark, well, that just locks in the pain and I DON'T WANT THAT...

You know, if you end up with no marriage, it can still be a good life. I am living proof.

Marriage was the most important thing I had in life. I dreamed of being married, growing old with my husband and celebrating our life on the porches as we watched our future grow up.

It will take a little more time for me to be ok with not being married. I can handle not being married to the monster.

But not married again? Naw, I'm too much a people person... In G-ds time though, not MINE...

Queenie;

This is not a good night for me...exactly today two years ago my H grab his stuff and went to sleep to another room...
I know I deserved it and he had every right to do it...
Just wish this had never happened. Wish he would see that I am willing to do whatever it takes for him to heal.
Wish,wish,wish.....oh well.
There's nothing more I can do...just to stand firm and wait on God.
Just like you say all the time...let go and let God.

A....