Currently, the kids' dad is 7 weeks behind on child support. In the 19 years I"ve known him, he's had at least 30 jobs. Most recently he was fired for not following directions correctly and possibly causing a biohazard in the hog facility he was working in; he was unable to collect unemployment. Today he left a message on my phone telling me that I'm getting a child support payment of $144 this week, and complaining that it only leaves him $238 a week to live on.

How do I react? I feel sorry for him, I even feel guilty for getting child support. ON the other hand, because I haven't gotten it for 7 weeks I have yet to get my oldest son a winter coat this fall and it's December, in Iowa. Of course, that will be the first thing the money goes for. And to help buy presents for the other kids who are all in need of some clothing too. I just don't know how to react to him.......I already bought him a week of groceries while he was unemployed and steered him towards the food pantry and food stamps. I can't refuse the child support as it's taken out of his paycheck by the state. I can't give it back to him because I really do need it to help support the kids (and it's not like $144 a week really pays for half their needs anyway, but it helps.) I've paid 100% of their summer camps, drivers' ed, sports fees, class rings, etc. He promises he'll help out, but then he loses another job and is broke again.....

I do feel guilty that he doesn't have alot to live on, but I"m just not sure what to do about it. I've had to work really hard, sometimes two jobs to take care of my kids. But his problems are the result of his being unwilling to do what it takes to keep a job. So how do I react to him when he comes crying that I'm sucking him dry and he has no money?

Tell him he does not stop being a parent when he has no job. But say it nicer then I did.

Nothing to feel guilty about.

"I already bought him a week of groceries while he was unemployed and steered him towards the food pantry and food stamp"

Not much more you can do but offer to get him started with a job search using the internet.

Say: I'm sorry you feel that way. That was never my intent.

Your H is an adult and needs to take care of himself. You concern should be with you and your children. In my honest opinion, there is no reason for you to continue to assist him when he has issues. When you do this, you are enabling him, and not allowing him to see what life without you is truly like.

As a separated man, it is hard not to depend on your wife when she is not around. But in order for him to move on and get on with his life, you need to stop running to his rescue. Support and love your children the best way you know how and don't allow his comments to sway you from that task.

He had an opportunity to have this support when you and he were together. He didn't take advantage of it then, so there is no reason why he should have that right now.

NOT.....YOUR......PROBLEM.

If he wants more money, he needs to learn how to keep down a job and move up in the world, just like the rest of us. If you don't want to feel guilty, I would just avoid talking to him. He's trying to make you feel guilty, so he can get out of paying what is due to you.

Anna, dont feel guilty about your first husband, the child molester, paying the child support that is due.

If I were you I would feel a tiny bit bad that I married a child molestor in the first place creating children with the man. That is your only mistake.

Anna, the child support is intended for the children. You do not need to feel guilty about him being ordered, by law, to help support his children. It is FOR THE CHILDREN whose needs continue. Supporting your children is a logical consequence of having them.

Geeez, Stella, I didn't even know that about him till we were already getting divorced; so please don't try to make me feel guilty about HIS past.

But you are all right that I'm too soft hearted and shouldn't be concerned about him and how he'll get along. He does need to take care of himself. I'll just keep reminding myself of that.

BED.MADE.LIE

Anna I did not mean you should feel guilty after all you did not know he was that bad at first.

Just..every time you get a check from him... think of what a bad man he is and accept every drop of child support for your precious kids he helped create with you!!!

I would not give the man an old rotten potato after all that he did. I would not even throw him down a moldy piece of cheddar. Or a loaf of old dry bread!

GIVE THIS MAN NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!LIKE WHAT HE GAVE YOU!

:twobyfour: :happynewyear: :twobyfour: