This attorney was specifically recommended by my business attorney because she specializes in custody. I asked my business attorney if she would fight for me since she is herself a woman and I am a husband wanting full custody. I know that may sound sexist of me to ask but I had to be sure. He said that she would definitely fight for me and that she knows the judges and is well-respected in the courts.

Yeah, you would think that she would begin to see a pattern here. She always impressed me as someone with intelligence and even good common sense. I know that her values are the same as mine because we've discussed these topics many times and she has expressed her disgust toward adultery and even her own past adultery.

She told me in a rare moment of level-headed thinking within the last couple of weeks that she regretted taking the affair to the physical level.

But I've read here that values are easier to change than behaviors. That is so true.

You were SMART to ask that question. Hopefully she will live up to her reputation. Good choice.

I decided at the last moment not to lock WW out of the house. She arrived home at 1:30AM. The storage bins weren't in the car. She must have taken them to OM's house or a friend's house. All of our couch pillows are gone--she must have taken those last night. There is a big pile of boxes in the basement. She's really going to move out.....

I wrote down a list of questions to ask the divorce attorney. I want to know if she can legally move out with our son. I want to know how it will look to a judge if I don't give my wife any money after she moves out. I want to know if she can legally obtain government assistance while she's married, etc.

I just hope that reality will strike WW hard when she's living in the ghetto with three kids and little resources. It's not very flattering to imagine her ever coming back to me because she needs financial support, but I'd gladly take the opportunity it would give me to try to meet her other ENs and build a good marriage.

erich, just let her know that she won't be taking any furniture or household possesions and she can't move your son from his home without a legal agreement in place. Suggest to her that it won't look very good in front of a judge that she snatched a little boy from his father and his safe home so could continue her adultery.


Erich, don't pay her anything unless you are court ordered to do so. Otherwise you would be financing her affair. A BAD MOVE.

Well, first off, lawyer up in an emergency fashion because you are dealing with a divorce veteran. If she took the couch pillows, the couch is next, probably before your next post. Might want to hang around the house this week.

After that possession is 9/10ths of the law.

Look, sounds sort of counter-intuitive to you now, but this is not a terrible path. Rather than drive the A underground, your exposure blew it up. The glitter is off the OM, he isn't stepping up as a white knight. She suddenly has housing issues, income issues, childcare issues, custody battle issues, adulterer issues with her family....life looks pretty lousy for her. She is acting out now, but time and the weight of these issues are on your side.

However, the reality is, MB is only to give you the best CHANCE to recover your marriage. If she is a serial divorcer, you may have to move on. She is angling for her 4th marriage at age 31. Don't think her family, friends and support network aren't taking note of that. Sometimes people who are chronically unhappy just live for that rush of a new relationship.

Anyway, handle yourself in a way that will protect you legally and let you keep your head up...

Ditto everything Mike said. Protect yourself at all cost but don't burn any bridges. I also share his fear that she will clean you out during the week while you are at work.

You might ask your atty if she can get a RO against her moving the community property out or taking your son. Moving him into that environment could not be good for him. Most custody issues are determined by what is in the best interests of the child. With your W's drug history and history of domestic violence, plus everything else that's going on, you may have a case for full custody. But only your lawyer can tell you for sure.

My son and I went to church today and when I got back, WW was gone and more of her things were gone. She's definitely moving out. I expect her to be fully moved out by tomorrow after work.

One interesting thing about our property is that most of the stuff in our house is hers from before our marriage. I don't mind her taking her stuff. I don't think she would take any of my stuff that I brought to the house.

WW just getting home...gotta go..

I asked her if she already has a place to live and she said that she's just moving out stuff that she doesn't need to "storage." Since she has very little money, I must assume that "storage" means the OM's garage or something like that. I'm going to try to follow her next time she takes more stuff to "storage."

What does this mean?

In a property dispute, if the court has to decide, whoever has it at the time usually keeps it (except for children).

ahh, it's an old cliche, bud. It just means getting a court to move stuff around is a long shot.

Hey, hang in there, this is tough. But YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Remember, whether or not it saves your marriage, and maybe it isn't worth saving, you gave it the best chance by trying to stop the affair with sunlight.

Hang in there...

Today, while WW was putting our youngest to bed, I told the 11- and 7-year olds that Mom was going to move out with them to an apartment because she wants to be with another man.

The 11-year old flat out WOULD NOT believe me!!! The 7-year old believed me and asked WW if they were moving. WW denied it and told him to mind his own business. 11-year-old said "See I told you we're not moving..."

Wow, so what is she going to tell them when she DOES MOVE?

Any new news about her moving out? Were you able to get an appointment with that lawyer?

I guess they'll see at that point that she is a liar.


I called the attorney that I was referred to and was promptly told be the assistant that she was not taking new cases. I was bummed because I was told that she was really good.

However, a few minutes later the assistant called back and said that the attorney would meet with me. The assistant said that after the attorney spoke to my business attorney, she decided to go ahead and meet with me. I guess they have good rapport with each other and she took me because my biz atty referred me?

I have an appointment set up for Thursday.

WW didn't move out today. I haven't noticed anything else missing. She's probably just moving a little at a time. This is what she did when we moved out of the ghetto into our house. She moved a little at a time instead of all in one shot...

Erich, are you concerned she will move with your son?

You know, you can buy a GPS unit for her car and track her wherabouts.

I recommend that any communication with the children be done together with WW. This was manipulative and I don't like to see kids brought into the fray.

pio, I don't think he should have told the kids with the WW there because it would have just caused a fight in front of the kids and they would have never got the truth. Dr. Harley strongly recommends telling the kids and we had told Erich to do this some time ago. Here is what he says:



Erich, here is a GPS tracker, in case you are interested: http://www.landairsea.com/ It looks like they even sell this at Radio Shack.

I was told that exposure should include the children. Obviously, WW wants to keep the A a secret from the kids so I seriously doubt she would agree to tell them.

I feel like they deserve to know since their world is about to be SERIOUSLY rocked very soon when WW moves out with them into the ghetto. My family counselor also agreed that they should be told so that they don't think that I don't love them and so they don't blame themselves.

I thought MB advocated telling the children. Anyone know about this?