**** I think I posted this in the wrong forum prior ****

My story.. sorry it's kind of long. I was dating a guy who had been separated 2.5 years when I met him. He had dated other women before me and said he and his separated wife had an agreement to date others. He started talking very serious about a future with me about 4 months into our relationship and even started his divorce in the 3rd month due to me he said.

In the 8th month he reunited with an extrememly wealthy ex-g/f at a weekend-long wedding he made an excuse he coudln't invite me to. He proposed (asked if she would consider growing old with him) to this other woman that very weekend. They continued discussing their future via email and phone for 5 months before I found out (she had commitments that involved travelling all over the world for a year and he had months to go before his divorce was finalized).

He was still carrying on serious talk with me, but deep inside I sensed something was very wrong but coudn't put my finger on it. I told him numerous times we should stop dating until he was really divorced becuase something felt off. He gaslighted me and told me it was just my insecurities and one time even said "you just don't trust me" just hours before he saw the OW momths later (he only saw her in person the 2xs).

I found the emails 5 months later by accident when I went to check my email but his came up automatically. Needless to say I was livid. He said he had terminated things with her months prior but I didn't believe him. He said he wanted to reconcile with me and even suggested seeing a therapist. The therapist told him to send an email in my presence terminating the other relationship, which he did. But months later I discovered he had contacted her again and when she was due to visit his sister he all of a sudden said he needed a break from me indefinetly. I knew she would be in the area and sent her an email. I never held anything against this other woman as I held him much more responsible and even though she knew about me, I knew he probably didn't tell her how serious we had been talking. I politely told her who I was and that I wanted to know where things really stood with them as he was still talking about a serious future with me. In the end I ended up befriending her and we sort of kicked him to the curb together.

It's been about a year since then and I've discovered he's lied to just about everyone about what happened (ie, claimed he had a one-month long email flirtaion with an ex-g/f that I just coulnd't get past even though he terminated all contact with her...). When I first met him he told me one of the main reasons his marriage failed was because his wife had a jealousy problem. I even remember him saying she was suspicious of ex-g/f's from years ago. He has been painting me the same way to others now.

I am desiring to contact his now ex-wife to ask her the following question and, not sure, but maybe also include the 2nd part letting her know what really happened (names changed):
______________________________________________________________

Hi Janet,

This is Leslie... the woman Dave was seeing. I know you probably don't have the warmest feelings towards me, but I would just like to know if you and Dave really did have an agreement to date others when I met him and he had told you about the other women he dated prior to me, as he claimed.

Regardless what Dave may have told you (as I've discovered he's lied to just about everyone)... the reason we went separate ways is because of an ex-girlfriend he reunited with and was discussing establishing a life with for five months before I found out. She is extremely wealthy since an inheritance she received before reuniting with Dave. I ended up befriending her after I contacted her and let her know Dave was carrying on similar talk with me. Dave abruptly terminated our relationship once I let him know I had contacted her.

Leslie

You've broken up with this guy, right?
Why do you even care what he told his ex-wife?

Why wouldn't she have 'warm' feelings for you if they were separated for 2.5 years?

Oh wait, maybe that a crock?

You dated a married man and are now looking for some vengence for getting what you gave.

I care what she thinks because I would bet he lied to her like everyone else. I would like to know if they really did have an agreement to date.

They defintely were separated when I met him as he was living elsewhere. And I also got confirmation from his friends g/f without asking, that he had been separated 2.5 years.

I would not have gone out with him if I knew he and his wife didn't have an agreement to date others. It was one of the first questions I asked him when we met and he said she had been dating too.

I didn't and still don't think dating someone separated is cheating if they both are dating!

The agreement not to date others is called a marriage license.

You knew he was married.

Leave her alone! You just want to try to get back at your boyfriend. But you got what you deserved! You cheated with him and now he cheated on you. Really you have no right to be mad at him. Wait let me guess you really did believe him that his wife was okay with him dating, but you didn't bother to ask her before you got involved with him. That is when you should have talked to her, before you slept with her husband, not now! Leave her alone!

He said it was emotionally and physically over and they were just waiting another year to get the divorce because the son would be off to college then.

And you bought that line of crap?

I did not get what I deserved. I trusted this guy's word that he and his wife had both moved on and were both dating and just waiting for his son to leave until they got the divorce going.

I have NEVER dated nor ever desired to date a married man before and would never have done so had I thought for a second he was lying to me... but I didn't.

And having spoken with the OW he cheated on me with, she also said he has a way of talking that makes you really believe what he is saying.

This isn't about me cheating on some married woman with her husband. This is about a major scumbag and narcissist. I am not responsible for his lying!!

Have you ever met his wife? If so when?

No I've never met her.

You knew he was married.

That makes you the 'other woman'.

I know for certain she was on a dating site while he and I were dating because I saw it with my own eyes.

I had heard of couples who stay married only due to financial reasons or kids stay together, but make an agreement together to date others.

Would you say two married ppl who have an agreement are cheating on each other???

If it was okay for him to be dating, then he would not have hidden you from her and you have got to know that. Really instead of focusing on what a scumbag he is, you should look at why you chose to beleive him when there where so many signs starring you in the face and telling you that he was a scumbag from the start.

If a guy hides you from his family there is a reason.

I'd say they were exactly like you ***edit***

He told me that yes they had an agreement to date but she wasn't having as much luck as he and it was hard for her to see him with me because of it.

As I mentioned above, I did see her profile on a dating site while I was dating him. He had mentioned which one she was on and out of curiosity I looked it up. I know it was her due to what she said and pictures that I had seen of her.

Oh ok. So if two people are mature and enlightened enough to handle that, they are disgusting?

I would not believe any guy who said this. I bet he also said his wife was a crazy [censored]. Come on you really bought that and didn't ask for proof. I do know one couple who had such an agreement because a friend of mine began dating him and she insisted on meeting his wife to verify his story before she would date him. He had no problem with the meeting and neither did his wife because they really had ended their marriage and just did not make it legal untill she finished college because of financial reasons.

Enlightened enough to handle what? Dropping your panties for a married man?