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H with self destructive behavior - Help
#2174472 12/15/08 02:07 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
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CindyDawn
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CindyDawn
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Husband having EA for about 6mo now; claims no sex but spent nights in hotel recently. He is obsessed w/ this gal and he feels compelled to help her. She is a recovering drug addict/prostitute. He is paying for her recovery/Rx/housing/etc. (I think she is a golddigger.) He is unable to pay his own bills. He misses work. They call and see each other almost daily but she is @ 90 miles away where H works. I'm tired of seeing this play out in front of me. I've tried Plan A but he refuses to let her go; in fact its gaining in intensity. For my own sanity and self-respect, I have asked him to leave. Is this wise to push him closer geographically to her, if I would like to make marriage work if he would just give her up? Thanks.
Re: H with self destructive behavior - Help
CindyDawn #2174504 12/15/08 02:32 PM
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Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
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Shrek's Swamp
Originally Posted by CindyDawn
Husband having EA for about 6mo now; claims no sex but spent nights in hotel recently. He is obsessed w/ this gal and he feels compelled to help her. She is a recovering drug addict/prostitute. He is paying for her recovery/Rx/housing/etc. (I think she is a golddigger.) He is unable to pay his own bills. He misses work. They call and see each other almost daily but she is @ 90 miles away where H works. I'm tired of seeing this play out in front of me. I've tried Plan A but he refuses to let her go; in fact its gaining in intensity. For my own sanity and self-respect, I have asked him to leave. Is this wise to push him closer geographically to her, if I would like to make marriage work if he would just give her up? Thanks.

1. do you have kids?
2. how long have your been married?
3. history of addictions? gambling? porn? drugs? alcohol?

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: H with self destructive behavior - Help
Pepperband #2174515 12/15/08 02:41 PM
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CindyDawn
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CindyDawn
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Sorry for omissions.
Grown kids living nearby, aware of affair.
Married 8 years, together 11.
He has a self-proclaimed "addictive" nature; likes alcohol, has abused Rx, no porn, but this is not the 1st obsession he has had with a woman (altho that ended w/o fanfare about the time this one started up).
Our friends are pretty much aware of A too and NO ONE supports him in this. He often appears torn, crying for my pain, crying for his own pain, calling himself an A--hole, crying at the thought of giving OW up, etc. Complete wacko but I love him.
Re: H with self destructive behavior - Help
CindyDawn #2174578 12/15/08 03:28 PM
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Shrek's Swamp
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Shrek's Swamp
Quote
Complete wacko but I love him

really?

what do you admire him for?

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

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