Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Originally Posted by SDCWman
Neb,

I repeat, did you call his wife at the time and ask her if dating him was ok with her???

No. I trusted his word (if you met him you'd understand why). Plus I saw her dating profile about a month later.

Wow, you are really a piece of work...

You "trusted his word" because you cared more about doing what FELT GOOD to you than what WAS GOOD at the time. You really WANTED TO BELIEVE HIM more than you WANTED TO ACTUALLY KNOW the truth. I am sure he was very persuasive--liars always are, otherwise everyone would easily see through them.

Seeing his W's "dating profile" means nothing and proves nothing. He could have posted a fake profile in her name and with her picture. Even is she did it herself, it is meaningless. Even if she was cheating herself, it is meaningless. HE was still MARRIED and you knowingly became his mistress and play-thing.

Excusing it the way you have been is sort of like saying "yeah, I robbed that gas station, but they were over-charging people for car washes..."


xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
K
Member
Member
K Offline
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Then I will confront him myself. Last time I tried to at his house he threatened to call the cops. That's why I never got to have my final say.

Aha, I was right. You DO want to goad him into having to acknowledge you (any attention is good attention) and you are also obsessed with him and not a very healthy young woman right now.

I'm also not going to waste any more time reading or responding to this.

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 514
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by nebulachic
He has pretty much gagged me and threw me in the desert in the hopes of never having what happened brought to light. But I am not one who takes well to that.

You sound very mature.

This guy used you and threw you away. Why do you still want him?


BW 38 (me)
FWH 42
Married 7 years
DD 6
SD 15
11-2006 H said he wanted a divorce and walked out
3-2007 I told H I wanted him back
3-2007 to 4-2007 D-day's
4-2007 H moved back in for good
Today-In recovery, but a long way to recovered
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Quote
Excusing it the way you have been is sort of like saying "yeah, I robbed that gas station, but they were over-charging people for car washes..."

baloney

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Originally Posted by canwemakeit
Originally Posted by nebulachic
I am angry he has painted me like his ex-wife (ie, Leslie was just too jealous and couldn't get over my one-month long email flirtation.) And I want those who think he is so wonderful to know the truth about him.

You pop back on scene and start spewing the stuff you want to spew, and I can guarantee you will make all those 'people who think he's so wonderful' think this instead:

"Man, Dave, good work getting away from that nutjob! Good call, good man!"

Think about it. Put yourself on the other side. What would YOU think of an ex's ex who contacted you years later to 'set the record straight'?

Then I will confront him myself. Last time I tried to at his house he threatened to call the cops. That's why I never got to have my final say. All I did was pull into the driveway, park and start walking to the door. This was about a week after I told him I contacted the OW. I think he thought he still had a chance with her and was going to be rolling in millions.

He has pretty much gagged me and threw me in the desert in the hopes of never having what happened brought to light. But I am not one who takes well to that.

you are acting like a stalker.

DROP IT AND GROW UP.

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
N
Member
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by SDCWman
Wow, you are really a piece of work...

You "trusted his word" because you cared more about doing what FELT GOOD to you than what WAS GOOD at the time. You really WANTED TO BELIEVE HIM more than you WANTED TO ACTUALLY KNOW the truth. I am sure he was very persuasive--liars always are, otherwise everyone would easily see through them.

No I trusted what he was telling me. I was actually quite concerned about it all and asked a lot of questions. I truly believed they were both dating.

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Originally Posted by iam
Originally Posted by nebulachic
He was just keeping me around for the interim.

Sounds like you the same treatment as his wife.

Karma.

Oh yeah. I loved it.

You know what? [censored] you! This is a man I thought I might spend the rest of my life with. It's also a man who told me his wife neglected him for years.

For the record AGAIN... a lot of people nowadays stay together for financial reasons or the kids. I would have never gone out with him had I known they didn't really have an agreement.

1. "It's also a man who told me his wife neglected him for years": Every cheater scapegoats their spouse. You did not know that was true and even if it was, you should have told him to get a divorce first and then call you.

2. "I would have never gone out with him had I known they didn't really have an agreement": YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!! YOU ASSUMED--YOU NEVER ASKED!!!!!

3. "a lot of people nowadays stay together for financial reasons or the kids": Perhaps, these people are called MARRIED!!!! What part of MARRIED do you not seem to understand? And why would you want to or expect to "spend the rest of your life" with a man who was cheating on his wife? I wonder if she thought he was the man she "ws going to spend the rest of her life with" too? Ever think about that?

4. When you first posted, it seemed you needed some guidance and deserved the benefit of the doubt as someone who made a mistake and was naively taken advantage of. I have come to see that you are craven, callous, and pre-emptively knew exactly what you were doing. You have taken no responsibility for yourself and have demonstrated no remorse or repentance for what you have done.

You truly did get what you deserved...what goes around, comes around.


xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
N
Member
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by KiwiJ
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Then I will confront him myself. Last time I tried to at his house he threatened to call the cops. That's why I never got to have my final say.

Aha, I was right. You DO want to goad him into having to acknowledge you (any attention is good attention) and you are also obsessed with him and not a very healthy young woman right now.

I'm also not going to waste any more time reading or responding to this.

No, I would prefer to just contact the ex-wife. But appears no one thinks this is a good idea.

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Then I will confront him myself. Last time I tried to at his house he threatened to call the cops. That's why I never got to have my final say. All I did was pull into the driveway, park and start walking to the door. This was about a week after I told him I contacted the OW. I think he thought he still had a chance with her and was going to be rolling in millions.

He has pretty much gagged me and threw me in the desert in the hopes of never having what happened brought to light. But I am not one who takes well to that.

Enjoy your jail time, then. Perhaps it will give you some much needed time for self-reflection. You do realize that once someone has told you to stay off his property, for you to return is trespassing? Which is a crime?



Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Quote
You truly did get what you deserved...what goes around, comes around.

I guess you did too, right???

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
N
Member
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by SDCWman
For the record AGAIN... a lot of people nowadays stay together for financial reasons or the kids. I would have never gone out with him had I known they didn't really have an agreement.

1. "It's also a man who told me his wife neglected him for years": Every cheater scapegoats their spouse. You did not know that was true and even if it was, you should have told him to get a divorce first and then call you. I DID! And he got it going 3 months after we started seeing each other as a result! Did you read that part?!?!?!?

2. "I would have never gone out with him had I known they didn't really have an agreement": YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!! YOU ASSUMED--YOU NEVER ASKED!!!!! I DID ASK! DID YOU MISS THAT PART TOO?!?!?!

3. "a lot of people nowadays stay together for financial reasons or the kids": Perhaps, these people are called MARRIED!!!! What part of MARRIED do you not seem to understand? And why would you want to or expect to "spend the rest of your life" with a man who was cheating on his wife? I wonder if she thought he was the man she "ws going to spend the rest of her life with" too? Ever think about that? YES AND LIKE I SAID...

4. When you first posted, it seemed you needed some guidance and deserved the benefit of the doubt as someone who made a mistake and was naively taken advantage of. I have come to see that you are craven, callous, and pre-emptively knew exactly what you were doing. You have taken no responsibility for yourself and have demonstrated no remorse or repentance for what you have done.

You truly did get what you deserved...what goes around, comes around.
[/quote]

You know what? I am going to contact the wife and ask her. Maybe they indeed did have an agreement to date. Maybe the dating profile was real! Wonder how you would all feel if that were the case!

Last edited by nebulachic; 12/15/08 04:32 PM.
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
N
Member
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by canwemakeit
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Then I will confront him myself. Last time I tried to at his house he threatened to call the cops. That's why I never got to have my final say. All I did was pull into the driveway, park and start walking to the door. This was about a week after I told him I contacted the OW. I think he thought he still had a chance with her and was going to be rolling in millions.

He has pretty much gagged me and threw me in the desert in the hopes of never having what happened brought to light. But I am not one who takes well to that.

Enjoy your jail time, then. Perhaps it will give you some much needed time for self-reflection. You do realize that once someone has told you to stay off his property, for you to return is trespassing? Which is a crime?

I woudln't be going to his home. I would be going to a public place I know he goes to every weekend.

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 514
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 514
You only wanted to contact his exwife because he told you not to contact him anymore, so you are trying to find a way to get to him and you are more than happy to use his exwife to get what you want.

You are a selfish immature brat. Leave him and his exwife alone and be glad that you had the sense not to have children with him. OMG I just realized you probably weren't even that smart, he probably had a vasectomy.


BW 38 (me)
FWH 42
Married 7 years
DD 6
SD 15
11-2006 H said he wanted a divorce and walked out
3-2007 I told H I wanted him back
3-2007 to 4-2007 D-day's
4-2007 H moved back in for good
Today-In recovery, but a long way to recovered
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 85
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 85
I'm thinking Neb is a troll just looking to get people upset.

If she is real then I don't think she should be calling the other man a narcissist (kind of the pot calling the kettle black).

Leave the poor woman alone and let her get on with her life. You are an adulterer. Contacting the ex-wife will not change that fact.


Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 514
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Originally Posted by canwemakeit
Originally Posted by nebulachic
Then I will confront him myself. Last time I tried to at his house he threatened to call the cops. That's why I never got to have my final say. All I did was pull into the driveway, park and start walking to the door. This was about a week after I told him I contacted the OW. I think he thought he still had a chance with her and was going to be rolling in millions.

He has pretty much gagged me and threw me in the desert in the hopes of never having what happened brought to light. But I am not one who takes well to that.

Enjoy your jail time, then. Perhaps it will give you some much needed time for self-reflection. You do realize that once someone has told you to stay off his property, for you to return is trespassing? Which is a crime?

I woudln't be going to his home. I would be going to a public place I know he goes to every weekend.

Can anyone say "restraining order". You are obsessed and need help. Call a counselor today and get some help.


BW 38 (me)
FWH 42
Married 7 years
DD 6
SD 15
11-2006 H said he wanted a divorce and walked out
3-2007 I told H I wanted him back
3-2007 to 4-2007 D-day's
4-2007 H moved back in for good
Today-In recovery, but a long way to recovered
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
N
Member
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by TryingToLetItGo
You only wanted to contact his exwife because he told you not to contact him anymore, so you are trying to find a way to get to him and you are more than happy to use his exwife to get what you want.

No. As I said above, I would prefer to contact the wife, but everyone here seems to think it would cause more harm than good.

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
Quote
You know what? I am going to contact the wife and ask her! Maybe they indeed did have an agreement to date. Maybe the dating profile was real! Wonder how you would all feel if that were the case!


Exactly the same.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 85
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 85
Also, stop calling the other adulterer the OW. You are the OW. She was also the OW but he didn't cheat on you with her. He cheated on his wife.


Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Quote
I woudln't be going to his home. I would be going to a public place I know he goes to every weekend.

you are acting like a spoiled child.

Cut it out and get professional help.

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639
Originally Posted by medc
I am sorry you went through this.



You did not deserve this. The man was legally separated and you had reason to believe the marriage was over. The guys marriage was over...but he was a cheat that you are better off without.

Do not let anyone here or elsewhere fool you into thinking that you chose to be involved with a married man...you didn't. It is not a black and white issue.

Medc,

I must say, that is a very convoluted value system you espouse here.
1. Yes, she got exactly what she asked for -- a cheater who cheated on her and a liar who lied to her.
2. Yes, she DID "choose to be involved with a married man" -- he was MARRIED and she CHOSE knowingly to be with him. Notice, she hasn't claimed abduction or rape. She dated him and pulled her pants down voluntarily.
3. The above is about as BLACK AND WHITE as it gets
4. It was not up to her to decide whether his "marriage was over". It doesn't matter if him/his wife were separated or not. Did you notice that NO ONE asked HIS WIFE any of these questions? HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
Page 8 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 397 guests, and 97 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
IO Games, IronMaverick, Gregory Robinson, Limkao, Emily01
72,037 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,038
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0