is that better?

Any ideas on how to get my my email access back? It is a horrible feeling knowing that they are probably still emailing and not being able to read any of it.

You probably can't legally get email access back. You are going to have to track your WW and OM by other means. My best bet would be a GPS on her car to figure out where their meeting place might be. Then you need to catch them together and expose again to OMW and their employer. Tell them you know they are using company property to continue their affair and are sending sexually explicit emails "from what you have heard."

One way that you might get email access back is to get OMW to break into OM's account and find the address he is sending the emails to. But you would need to expose to OMW first. Then you can take those emails, legally print them out and show them to HR, and not have to worry about breaking into their server because yahoo/gmail accounts can be accessed through your home.

I know his new email address, it is a gmail account. And, I think I have figured her new account out by checking what usernames are and aren't available on gmail, it would be difficult to explain. I have tried to guess the password to this account based on other password she has used, but no luck so far. I can try the password recover option and hopefully i might know the answer to her security question, but if I don't, I can't try again for 5 days.

I have though about contacting the OMW to get her to figure it out on her side, but S Harley said to hold off on telling her because she will likely just confront her H about my call rather than play along. The last time I exposed to her I asked her not to tell her H immediately, but she did anyway.

any recommendations on a good GPS tracker?

I never had to use one, but if you post a thread on the subject, I'm sure you will get plenty of replies.

er.....what would Harley say about all this surveillance effort?

I know after my w agreed to NC, we did all the usual steps with passwords and her telling me where she was, etc.

But Jennifer H told me "Look, maybe she is gaming us, maybe not. We'll know eventually if she stops working on your ENs."

Well, in my case W admitted to seeing him at a store and talking, and I then got the truth out of her that there had been several phone calls.

But I think my point is that Jennifer sort of made sure I was on the reconciling husband track and not the private investigator track, if that makes sense.

yeah, that makes sense, but Steve said that it is best if I keep watching the emails to make sure that she isn't just saying the right things to get me off her back. Her last email to the OM's new account complained a little about having to answer to me when she got home, so I am thinking that she is just playing nice so I stop bothering her.

However, she has been trying to meet more of my ENs. I am just suspicious that it is all a front, and since I have no way of knowing for sure, all I can do is wonder at this point.

are you getting back with Steve?

yeah, he said to make another appointment in 10 days. So, first appt was on the 4th, so i'm shooting for the 15th.

He said in the meantime try to get WW to make her own appointment with him just to see what he has to say. So far, she has said no about talking to that.


Until then I am just planning on not acting suspicious in any way, then maybe she will let her guard down and think it is ok to use the home computer. On the other hand, is she does suspect I am using a keylogger, maybe i should stay paranoid and ask her to show me her work email every day. That way she may think that I really don't have the ability to look at it on my own.

this feels so stupid having to play these games, but without any real evidence, any confrontation will only be a big LB without any sort of results because they'll both be able to say that they haven't been in contact, and then they'll both offer up their work email accounts to me and the OMW as proof.

So, It has been a week since my first session with Steve H. My assignment for the next 10 days was to encourage my wife to do some "research" with me about what it takes to build a strong marriage, and mention to her that I met with Steve and that I think he has some good ideas, but would like her to talk to him to see if she agrees. I am not supposed to make demands, or get angry, or lecture her, but instead use respectful persuasion (Steve's words).

So far, she has said no to talking with Steve or any other counselor, and has reluctantly agreed to read through His Needs Her Needs. But, she hasn't read a page yet, and every time I bring up the subject of learning how successful marriages work, I can tell she is just humoring me and doesn't intend to do any sort of research.

My next appointment with Steve is on Monday. he said that after 10 days or so, if she isn't showing any signs or willingness to learn, that we'll have to do something else.

My wife is the type of person that doesn't take any form of advice unless it is from someone she respects in her career, i.e. boss, professor, more experienced colleague. She never takes any advice from me, or any of her family members, so needless to say, I am having an extremely difficult time trying to convince her to take advice from a stranger about our marriage, or from a book or website. Does anyone have any experience dealing with someone like this?

Yes, every single BS :-)

'Educating' was a huge LB for me because I was so into MB and she was (Round One in 2001) withdrawn and (Round Two in 2008)really hung up on OM and not interested in the marriage.

In round One I said, "Look, whether we stay together or not, talk to this guy for an hour with me, it will make us both better at relationships, whether it is together or not". Round Two of our counseling she agreed because it was that or get kicked to the curb. Even though she didn't catch fire and get into it, we learned a lot about each others LBs, ENs, etc.

Steve and Jennifer also have a way of showing WW, from all their experience, they know exactly how they feel, and they aren't judgemental. they are totally forward looking not laying guilt on the WS. So if you get them on the phone it is often worth it.

MB, of course, is really important for the person doing Plan A, normally the BS. It doesn't surprise me your W has no interest in marital reconciliation while the OM is still in the picture. P

I'll be interested to see what Steve says is the next step.

yes, the educating does seem to be a big LB. I have told her that I have done a lot of reading (I didn't mention this site), but she just tells me that its stupid do just blindly follow everything I read on the internet. She would just rather follow no plan at all and get back to 'normal' and try to 'work' things out, which is even more idiotic.

She has been more attentive to my needs lately, but most of the time I just think she is doing that to keep me from bugging her about the A.

Well....I think when a BS has both the BS and the OP trying to mee their needs, they try to cake eat and keep them both in the picture.


Well, if she is in the fog, she probably has 5 emotions about every action she takes anyway, so don't subscribe an intelligent plan to anything she does.

Just accept the EN effort and compliment/thank her.

Thank you, that definitely seems like the best way to approach it.



As for my continued plan A, should I continue to ask her to show me her email? She doesn't like doing it and says I need to stop being so paranoid and that I have nothing to worry about.

there was another thread out there about how to properly execute plan A. One of the suggestions was to show up at her work unannounced to take her to lunch, or meet for dinner. I am thinking of starting to do this, but predict that it might be a big LB. She was pretty pissed the day I followed her to work and found them having lunch together, but I guess this is following the 'stick' part of plan A.

When are you scheduled with Steve?

I sort of doubt he wanted you to wave sticks in that ten day period.

I find that meeting ENs is easy. Avoiding LBs is very difficult to me, as I'm sarcastic and have a temper. I didn't even realize some of the LBs I was launching were LBs.

My advice would be to lay back and just work on ENs until you talk to Steve again.

If contact with OM continues then this is precisely what her motive will be. To placate you.

My WW is no different. She loves hanging out with me, doing fun things, having sex, and going to family functions so long as I'm "pleasant" i.e. don't talk about her adultery.

That is the general feeling that I am getting.

I haven't used an 'sticks' since my first meeting with steve. But, they still occasionally email and I have evidence that they may be meeting at work in the afternoons. It has been really hard not to say anything.

Had my second session with Steve this morning.

He recommended continuing Plan A while trying to get WW on board with educating ourselves with what makes a successful marriage. I asked him about the 'stick' part of plan A and he said don't do any of that right now.

I was fine with this plan up until I saw an email today that suggests they have started, or are about to start, some form of a physical relationship again.

I'd really like to talk to Steve about this, but we just spoke this morning.

so confused.....

You need to show up at OM's door and show a copy of the emails to OMW so she can nip this in the butt. I bet OM will have to start looking for another job.

Whatever you do, do not let your WW and OM take their relationship to the next step because you will hate her and hate yourself for allowing it to happen.

What did the email say?

You can understand that Steve wants you to understand the MB program before taking pro-active and dramatic measures. But if it is an emil that says "Darling, only now am I ready to give myself to you sexually.." well, dang, time for action, I'm sure Steve would agree.