It has been years since I have been on this website. I have endured my wife having the the big A behind my back and in 2004 and have saved my marriage. It was not an easy two years after finding out about the A, in fact it was pure hell. Time has healed a lot of issues and I have forgave but not forgot.

This post is not for me it is for a friend of mine. He is married and they have a 6 yr old child. He has been talking to me lately and confiding in me. He knows my wife and I have had our ups and downs but doesnt know about the A. His issue is his wife has told him that she doesnt love him like a wife should. She doesnt want to do anything with him and gives him no affection, etc. etc. etc.

I have read a lot of post when I was going thru my ordeal and have seen it all. I am trying to help him out, but I am at a lost rt now. I think his wife is severely depressed, she does not work, doesnt want to, and she doesnt have to. So she stay's at home all day and thinks about how bad her life is. (I know, had that done to me). I have asked him what she does during the day and he says, she stays at home all day, and just leaves to go to the grocery store. The little bit I know her, she is a homebody and doesnt like to leave home, and enjoys bieng by herself. But I am not nieve to think that something else could be going on.

My reason for the post is for some ideas on what to tell him to help him out. He says he goes home and tries to be cheerful and happy, and spend time with her. She wants nothing of it and they are thinking of Separating in the summer when school lets out. This has been going on a year so far and he is at his breaking point.

Any ideas?


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Married 15 years.
DDay July 1, 2004
2 kids D11, S9

You know almost all of us here have been scarred by infidelity, so of course, that's where my mind went when I heard my fog horn go off.

Wife could simply be depressed, but if she is, there's a REASON. And it likely has to do with the marriage. EN's, LB's, you know, the usual.

How good a friend is this? Could you divulge the A in your past in order to convince him how important it is to "check up" on his wife's activities to rule out the worst possible danger to his marriage?

Hard to convince him to do such a thing otherwise, but maybe you could think of a way to suggest he check it out. You know, the BS is often the "last to know."

And she IS showing some wayward signs. If he could rule that out, he could get her some help BEFORE her depression turns into big-time A vulnerability.

You have recovered your marriage...take a chance and help him do the same.

Right Here Waiting